Monday, August 30, 2004

Bailing, Boob Envy, and Gifts

My workout partner bailed on me.  A girl she's got the hots for goes to another gym, so that's that.  I'm too nice, I swear.  Its probably for the better, considering my whacked schedule.

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Close your ears/eyes if you get offended easily boys and girls - I'm gonna talk about breasts.

We women are strange creatures.  Don't get me wrong - I love being female for all but 5 days out of each month, but we are definately a bizarre set.  I'm the first to admit I totally understand why guys get confused about our wants/needs and behavior, even though I find males equally puzzling.  Anyway since most of the women I hang out with are extremely open sexually, physically, emotionally, etc I get a lot of comments about my boobs.  Boob envy.  I also have boob envy but I want the little perky kind, where bras are optional.  My friends on the other hand want my huge ones.  The grass always looks greener, I guess, but one chick I know just dropped $10K for boobs as big as mine.  She's a tiny girl too - like 5'4" with an athletic build.  I don't get it.  I'd drop the $8K for the post 10lb baby(ies) tummy tuck, but I'd never want boobs this big by choice.

My back is freaking killing me.  Again.  I'm considering doing something else a certain someone talked me out of.   I am really thinking hard about a breast reduction procedure.  I can't believe some women actually pay to get boobs this big.  I've been blessed/cursed (depending on your point of view) with these monsters since 5th grade and I'm tired of carrying them around.  This is part of the reason why I chose swimming as my sport - its hell trying to jog with these bowling balls.  I never could do drill or cheer in high school for the same reason.  I still can't jog with these.  It actually hurts.  They do not manufacture effective sports bras for top heavy women.  If you wear what you need to, you end up actually bleeding from abrasion, friction or underwires.

I've got permanent dents in my shoulders from my bra straps, and almost constant upper back pain.  They got bigger after Kayla was born, which Louie just loved, but that put me at a DDD. (WAY bigger when my daughterswere still babies - think G-K)  I'm ready to go to a nice normal C I think.  Sorry guys, but if you like 'em that much, YOU carry them for awhile.  Besides I'm tired of men talking to them.  Trying to make eye contact with them as if they had little eyeballs on the nips.  (Helllooooo I'm up here sweetie....)

I did some research, and some insurance companies cover it so I'm gonna ask around and find out.  Maybe I'll get a couple of extra procedures done at the same time.  (My dream smorgasbord of plastic surgery procedures) The scarring's not really that bad really, considering the relief you get in the long run.

We'll see what happens - obviously if the at-home recovery time's more than a week I can't do it, but I'm still checking.

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Ever have a sweet little old grandma who'd give you underwear or a bright pink knitted sweater with bunnies on it every year for Christmas even when you were 24?  I did.  Grandma Bert.  She was my great-grandmother, and was deaf as a doornail, was blunt as heck but had a really kind heart.  Anyway....Remember that smile you'd make?  Remember how you'd say thank you for the panties (while thinking I'm freaking 24 years old, Grandma)?  Keep that in mind for just a sec...

My boss gave me a plant stand that he built all by himself, which is just freakin' adorable, but....well someday I'm gonna get a digital camera so I can post these things.  Its just a little large and awkward.  It was still really sweet though so I'm gonna leave it in here.  Try to imagine two 5' capital A's for legs, with a bottom and top shelf, about 3' wide.  He's a sweetie and I love him with all my heart, which is why this plant stand will stay in my room.   I put some magazines on it. 

He gave me a dying plant about four months ago which looks really awesome now - a miracle in itself because I'm a famous herbicidal maniac who kills all things green - and I put that on it too.

Thanks Dan!!  (BIG HUGE SMILE)

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Happy Monday everyone  -  life is good. 

1 comment:

kuhlhiggins said...

This entry cracked me up. I am one of the ones that got little perky ones and when I lost weight they got smaller if you can believe that. Pretty soon I am going to look like boy and maybe I won't have to buy bra's anymore.
Kathy