Monday, September 20, 2004

Everything's so still...

Booga Booga.

My life is insane.  I always have somewhere I have to be, from the time I get up to the time my head hits the pillow I've got something going on. 

So why, all of the sudden, does my life feel so stagnant?

I'm thinking the only void I've got right now is a spiritual one.  I've mentioned my desire to research and see what's got my Wiccan friends so hyped up, but haven't had a chance.  I think that's got to be it. 

I don't really have the time to get involved romantically right now - having just been burned badly by someone I loved with all my heart, one of my dearest friends - I just don't feel emotionally 'ready' to dive right in again.  To be honest, I haven't really had the desire either, which is a first for me.  I really don't miss pursuing that sort of relationship right now.  I'm comfortable, and that's good.

We geminis have to be constantly learning or seeking new experiences and knowledge, and I think school covers that completely.  Not only that, but being ADHD you realize I have to multitask - that's just my M.O. .  I have to.  So, I work and school and mother and journal and paint....

The only piece of the pie that's sort of empty by accident is the spiritual aspect of my life.  I really miss that.  I've become sort of disenchanted with the religion I was brought up in (southern baptist - no dancing, no gambling, don't sing too loud...) and most of the hypocracy of many organized religion really irks me beyond all imagination, so I'm on a quest of sorts.  I'll keep y'all posted and if you have any suggestions on where this granola girl might think of looking, feel free to let me know. 

I've researched Buddhism, Islam, Catholicism and other forms of Christianity, and its just not doing it for me.  I have many gay and lesbian friends, and I hang out with mostly lesbian women at lesbian gathering places, so I get a little touchy with people pointing fingers and chastising people based on who they choose to love.  I also have a problem with people judging and pointing fingers, when they choose to live their own lives in a "less than perfect" sort of way.  The whole Thou Shalt Not Judge Lest Ye Be Judged seems to only apply to others, and only when they do certain things...hence my hypocracy generalization.

My good friend, who's a former Bible-thumpin' protestant, is on a similar quest, but tells me you can't just pick and choose aspects of religions based on what you like or don't like, or how you can apply those aspects to your life.  He's treading water too, sort of searching for a place to fit in.

Anyway, I'll keep you posted as I find little tidbits, and I certainly hope you'll drop me a line or a comment with places you think I should look.


P.S. & CYA now that I'm completely paranoid about copyright infringement (thank you AOL-J community) I'm searching for photo sites that allow sharing until I finally scrape up the bucks for a digital camera.  My latest find is NASA's pic exchange, which is where I found this lovely photo of Neptune.  Copy away!!!  HAHAHAHAHA.  (still don't think it should be a bad thing/illegal to display photos on a web journal, just sayin')

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