Sunday, November 7, 2004

Are you strong enough to be my man?

OK the following are criteria developed by a close friend of mine and me about three years ago, when I used to do the AOL chat scene. (ACK never again)  I lost track of my friend (BIG MISTAKE) Miss Tamara if you're out there somewhere, say hello.  Wave at me.  I miss you tons.

Tamara had a serious, rare illness that was life threatening.  She's on my mind constantly, and I'm hoping the energy will cause her to go ... 'hmmm I wonder how Miss Kris is doing?'



Datable men criteria: (women are different)

1.   Must be taller than me.  No exceptions.  This is hard because I'm 5'10".

2.  No belt buckles larger than your head.  Can't own them or wear them.

3.  No huge trucks.  There's just no need, unless you're a rancher hauling tons of cattle.  If so, then no huge trucks with tons of ridiculous little Calvins peeing on things.  No road rage either.  Patience, tolerance and humility are sexy as heck.

4.  Your pants can't be tight.  I don't want to be able to bounce a quarter off them.

5.  You must be successful enough to be self-supporting.  The last thing anyone needs is another dependent.  Clue:  you have a car, you have a job, you have your OWN (not mom's grandma's dad's grandpa's older brother's or cousin's) place.

6.  Intelligence with a nerdy twang is a plus.  A big one.  At least some college education is important.

7.  You can laugh, at almost anything.  Life, stupid things, my antics, children, animals, politics, whatever.  Bodily function noises are hilarious to me, and should be to you.  Just laugh.  Love cartoons and slapstick comedy.  Laugh.

8.  You're willing to try new things.  Line dancing, yoga, kareoke, some weird food, whatever. 

9.  You're willing to do goofy things with me, like dress up as Sonny and Cher on Halloween, or participate in random chinese firedrills.

10.  You would participate in a water fight.

11.  You never wear sandals except in the proper setting, or socks with said sandals out in public. 

12.  You know how to dress in general: no dark socks with shorts, no leisure suits, your shirt's not unbuttoned too far and you're not wearing way too much gold jewlery.

13.  You're kind and sympathetic toward others.  The way you treat a waitress if she screws up our meal is key.  If you're not kind to people, then you won't be kind to me and you DEFINATELY won't be kind to my children.

14.  You can be romantic and goofy and sweet, and you're not scared to express emotion.  Emotional constipation is not only tiring, it stinks.

15.  Chivalry is not dead and you're willing to prove it.  Open doors for me, offer me your jacket if its cold....its not insulting, it shows you're not selfish and self-centered.

16.  Accept me for who I am, baggage and all.  Don't try and change me because I know I can't change you.

17.  Don't have small feet.  Girly hands can be worked around, but aren't preferable.

18.  Weight is not an issue with me, but hygiene and health are.  Please trim all that should be trimmed, wash all your parts, brush & floss and shower.  Deodorant is a necessity.  Nice cologne will make me swoon....I love a guy that smells nice.

19.  This shoulda been #1.  NO DRUGS, no drinking excessively.  We're too old for that already, and getting stoned, high, drunk, etc is juvenile.

20. Talk to me and enjoy it.  Be able to "conversate".

21.  Give me space to do my own thing and I'll return the favor.

22.  Don't be a weenie.  Don't waffle.  Do put thought into what you want and know how to get it, but never whine or wimp out.

23.  You're not a racist or a bigot and you're tolerant of others, even if you're not familiar with the culture.  You believe social tolerance and liberalism are good things, or even necessary evils.

24.  You can put up with me and my gemini behavior, including flitting, flirting, changing moods with the direction of the wind, my undying thirst for knowledge and my constant quest to try and learn about new things.

25.  You know how to fight effectively and fair, and you're willing to learn how to communicate.


I'm sure there's more....we can add and revise.

Feel free to send suggestions ....

happy sunday (almost monday, ugh!)


1 comment:

kuhlhiggins said...

Also take me out in public. I hate cheap men. Introduce me to your friends.
The list could go on forever. lol