Friday, November 12, 2004

White chicks can't dance.

Image Copyright Camilla Eriksson,

OK so I thought of something.  White chicks can't dance.

Tonight one of my step-daughters long lost friends called the house.  She said someone told her white chicks have no rhythm and she thought of us.  There's a story behind this, obviously.

Olivia and I used to get up before dawn to exercise to videos.  (Gawd another horrid admission). Well, once I bought this aerobic video that was supposed to have a little style to it.  It did.  It had various black and hispanic women/girls getting DOWN and making it intense enough to be aerobic. 

Scenario:  Olivia and me, half dead, hair in insane bed head style, makeup smeared all over our faces, pissed at the world (and whoever invented mornings and exercise), watching these chicks get freaky with aerobics, at 5:00 in the freaking morning.  So I'm watching this chick shake her booty, because she actually had one and I don't, and good lawd did I try.  It was kind of a roll thing....I don't know.  I did try though.  Hard.  My bootie doesn't shake or roll like that.  I tried one way and another and I was was working it as hard as a white girl can.  I turned and looked at Olivia, who looked equally ridiculous, and we just busted out, dying laughing.  Neither one of us could pull that off.  Our bodies don't bend that way.  We can't shake and roll what we don't have.

White chicks don't have rhythm, groove, or anything resembling that. 

I gave that video to one of my dearest friends, who happens to be black and a former Vegas showgirl.  She pulled it off, no problem.  She tried to show me.  After wiping the tears from her eyes (from laughing) we concluded the same thing.  There's no hope.  I just gave up and went back to extremely perky, extremely annoying rhythm & groove-challenged Denise Austin.

White chicks can't dance. 


phlskygirl said...

Ack!!  Denise Austin would suck on dirty ass with that gawd-awful fake cheery look never ONCE budging from her face!  AND she'd cheer afterwards:  "Woo-hoo, that was some yummy dirty ass!  You can do it too!  I know you can!!" as she wiped her face off with a Wet-Wipe.  I'd rather watch a "Whoopy Goldberg Eats Fried Chicken While Showing You How to Apply Greasy Black Lipstick and Shave Your Brows" video than Denise Austin any damn day!!

P.S.  If it makes you feel any better, this rican chick has absolutely NO sense of rhythm!  Well, not on the dance floor, anyway...   ;o)~

kuhlhiggins said...

Don't feel bad this white chick can't dance either. I love this entry Kris. You are so cute.

cneinhorn said...

this white chick can't dance either, LOL

aiibrat said...

awww.  gotta get the slow groove on.  i have no rhythm, but i attribute it to my parents who are awful at math! -=X that's my reason why i can't keep time.  -=)

andreakingme said...

In the early 90's I bought a couple of dance aerobic workout tapes. Paula Abdul for one. I don't know the name of the other one. Anyway, I was bound and determined that I WAS GONNA DANCE LIKE THEM.

Never happened. I can't even line dance.