Thursday, January 27, 2005

Weekend Assignment

I think Mr Scalzi shoulda double dog dared us to do audio entries for this one....

The assignment:  Pick a song you'd do for karaoke and explain why you chose it.  Extra credit:  describe the worst karaoke experience ever.

I have never once actually gone to a karaoke bar and performed, but I've been to many a party where I've done it.  I chose this song because you have to have "Pips" (aka backup singers)...its easier to act dorky with backup.  My song is "One More Minute" by Weird Al Yankovic.  Its the fourth song on the album Dare to be Stupid, if anyone cares.

My second choice is "Shut Up" by Kelly Osbourne, just because you can be totally obnoxious when you sing it, and you can do it with little or no vocal talent.  (lyrics for both below, just in case you care to join me)

EXTRA CREDIT:  The most painful karaoke experience I've ever had....this is going way back, but the absolute worst was watching my high school principal and all the vice principals do "Lolly Pop" at the senior assembly, in costume.  They even choreographed it.  I think I'm permanently scarred from that one. 

*****

One More Minute

by Weird Al Yankovic


Lyrics:

(constant "doo wop"s in the background throughout the song)

Aahh

Well I heard that you're leavin' (leavin')
Gonna leave me far behind (so far behind)
'Cause you found a brand new lover
You decided that I'm not your kind (aahh..)

So I pulled (I pulled) your name out (name out) of my Rolodex (oohh..)
And I tore all your pictures in two
And I burned down the malt shop where we used to go
Just because it reminds me of you (dippity dippity doo)

That's right (that's right) you ain't gonna see me cryin'
I'm glad (I'm glad) that you found somebody new
'Cause I'd rather spend eternity eating shards of broken glass
Than spend one more minute with you

I guess I might seem kinda bitter
You got me feeling down in the dumps
'Cause I'm stranded all alone in the gas station of love
And I have to use the self-service pumps

Oh, so honey, let me help you with that suitcase
You ain't (you ain't) gonna break my heart in two
'Cause I'd rather get a hundred thousand paper cuts on my face
Than spend one more minute with you

I'd rather rip out my intestines with a fork
Than watch you going out with other men
I'd rather slam my fingers in a door (yah)
Again and again and again and again and again

Oh, can't you see what I'm tryin' to say, Darlin...

I'd rather have my blood sucked out by leeches (leeches)
Shove an icepick under a toenail or two
I'd rather clean all the bathroom in Grand Central Station with my tongue
Than spend one more minute with you

Yes, I'd rather jump naked on a huge pile of thumbtacks
Or stick my nostrils together with crazy glue
I'd rather dive into a swimming pool filled with double-edged razor blades
Than spend one more minute with you

I'd rather rip my heart out of my ribcage with my bare hands
and then throw it on the floor and stomp on it 'till I die
Than spend one more minute with you

****

"Shut Up"

You say,
I should do it differently.
I don't,
Necessarily agree.
Stand up!
Sit down!
Be nice!
Did ya hear me ask for your advice?

Don't bother,
Trying to tell me your beliefs.
Your point of view is pretty screwed to me.
Do this!
Do that!
On track!
Do me a favor and don't talk back!

Round and round,
But the conversation always ends where it began.
Round and round,
And I need a vacation.
I got a headache from you

Shut up!
Don't want to hear your voice.
Shut up!
I'm sick of all the noise.
There's nothing you can say
That means a damn thing to me.
Shut up!

Blah Blah, Blah Blah, Blah Blah, Blah Blah.

That's what,
It sounds like you said to me.
You nag and you brag and I gag,
There's so much beauty in what we have.

You must,
Have better things that you can do.
Or does
Your life revolve around me too?
Whatyou want,
What I need.
Oh please!
I think you get off,
On hearing yourself speak.

Round and round,
But the conversation always ends where it began.
Round and round,
And I need a vacation.
I got a headache from you

Shut up!
Don't want to hear your voice.
Shut up!
I'm sick of all the noise.
There's nothing you can say
That means a damn thing to me.
Shut up!

Don't want to be polite.
It's messed up,
How you always think you're right.
There's nothing you can say,
That's gonna change the way I am.
Shut up!

Round and round,
But the conversation always ends where it began.
Round and round,
And I need a vacation.
I got a headache from you

Shut up!
Don't want to hear your voice.
Shut up!
I'm sick of all the noise.
There's nothing you can say
That means a damn thing to me.
Shut up!

Don't want to be polite.
It's messed up,
How you always think you're right.
There's nothing you can say,
That's gonna change the way I am.
Shut up!

5 comments:

mavarin said...

Oh, I love the whole Dare to be Stupid LP!  Too bad we only have it on vinyl, and no CD! - Karen

schnookie7272 said...

I am an old "doo-wop" man myself.........love the 50's stuff

terra19728 said...

first time to your journal, love the challenge.  At a co-workers wedding the bride, our human resources manager,and myself sang love shack (it was really bad).  The worst most painful was at a local bar.  Some poor fool dressed up just like Axle Rose from Guns and Roses and sang Welcom to the Jungle.  He even attempted the moves.  Really bad, really funny!

coy1234787 said...

Great choices
*** Coy ***

cneinhorn said...

that was great!!!!!

~JerseyGirl
http://journals.aol.com/cneinhorn/WonderGirl