Monday, March 28, 2005

Stupid Interview Tricks

That up there is the very first flower to bloom in my yard this year, aside from the plum trees.  I think its gorgeous!

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I recently applied for a part-time job as a weekend bookkeeper for a local hobby store.  I was fortunate (?) enough to be contacted for an interview.  Today said interview took place.  We've all had these canned interviews, where the interviewer reads from a list of appropriate interview questions given to him/her by the corporate legal department or some such entity.

Sample questions (as read in monotone by 20-something year old assistant manager):

"How do you feel when your schedule is interrupted?" ----Mad as hell, that's how.  Frustrated as all get out.  (Seems like this is a no brainer, almost like asking how one feels when spilling hot coffee on their crotch.)

"Have you ever been unsuccessful at a job?"  --- Moi?!?  As if!!

"What was the biggest mistake you ever made?"  --- WORKING FOR FAMILY.  Enough said.

"Have you ever overachieved in a position you've held?"  --- Everyday, darlin'.  Every single day.  (pfft!)

"How do you measure success at your current job?"  --- Accuracy.  I'm a financial professional.  (duh)

"If you were a vegetable, what kind would you be, and why?"  ---I'd be a green chile of course.  Spicy, unpredictable..... yet satisfying.

SIDENOTE:  The answers are from my twisted mind.  I wasn't actually that cocky.  Honest.

SIDENOTE DEUX:  OK so she didn't really ask the vegetable question - I learned of that one when I was a residency program coordinator at a medical school.  That is one that veteran residents used to freak out applicants.  It was effective.

The other great part of this application process was the "personality survey."  Basically, this survey asked me in 5 different ways if I used illegal drugs, if I thought it was cool to steal from my employer, and if I thought it was ok to be late or absent from work on a regular basis.  Hmmmm....how do I answer???  (I kept giggling thinking of the line "Are you a pot smoker Fokker?")

What stinks is that you can no longer lead an interview, or ask your candidate what you really need to - to find out if he/she is capable of doing the job.  You can't get to know your applicants.  You can't make small talk.  You can't try to find out if you "click", because interviewers/employers have fallen victim to lawsuit-crazy society, just like McDonald's and doctors and universities and everyone else. 

So, I'm wondering if anyone can top my vegetable question.  Go for it.

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P.S.  I'm a TOTAL hit counter watcher and comment addict, and I'm just amazed at how many clicks I've gotten over the weekend.  Verclempt, even.  Thanks for stopping by!

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Happy Monday!!

3 comments:

kuhlhiggins said...

The flower is beautiful. Love your answers. Don't you wish you could answer the questions with the answers that you wanted. Too funny.
Love,
Kat

earpatchgoddess said...

Here's a question for you: If you were imprisoned for some crime you didn't commit, of course, would you choose to eat the endless supply of gov't supplied chicken or the endless supply of pb&j?

I've ALWAYS wanted to answer an interview question or application question with the first thing that popped in my mind...but just didn't have the cajones to do it. Maybe someday when I don't really need the job I'll just interview for the fun of it.

akleindyke said...

Is that a periwinkle flower?  I love those.

My pansies are going crazy now...  Love this time of year.

A.