Just so everyone knows, I didn't fall off the end of the planet...I'm doing my duck and cover thing. You know, that thing I do when I'm overwhelmed. Yeah. That.
That monstrosity of an exam is next Saturday, May 14, at 7:30 AM. Five hours. We have to show up at 6:30 AM. Joy. I have been studying during every free moment of each day for the past two weeks, and its starting to wear on me a bit. As most of my friends know, I suffer from test anxiety in the worst way. Any little quiz or exam and I'm a wreck. Fetal position...slowly rocking back and forth...okay, I'm not THAT bad.
This one though....this one's different. This one actually MEANS something. This one (if successful) will allow me to add letters to the back of my name. This one (if successful) will bring the company I work for benefit from sureties, because apparently there'll be some increased level of trust once I have those letters after my name. I'm taking it with a group of eleven people from the local chapter of the professional organization I belong to, so everyone and their mom will want to know how I did. My boss, bless his pointy little head, had indicated his plans to "take me out back and snatch me bald headed" if I don't pass. This one will cost me $600 if I don't pass, because that's the deal I made with my loverly employer. This one has a high fail rate.
I feel like everyone's watching me.
On top of that, its almost Mothers Day. I don't like Mothers Day very much. First off, my mom passed away a few years ago, so its kind of ... well, painful. I don't really have a mother that I'm close to, or someone I feel like celebrating on that day. Secondly, it means I have to go visit my parents, which is incredibly stressful. Let's just say we put the 'fun' in 'dysFUNctional'. I truly despise family get togethers, just because they always feel very forced, extremely saccharin, and I always feel like I don't belong there. There's still so much pain that's just right under the surface.
There are good things about this holiday. Louie's mom, for instance...I love going over there. Eight kids, and she's just a great mom. Things are so relaxed and everyone is so loving and affectionate and...real. Genuine. I love how excited my daughters get too - they just love doing stuff for me, which is adorable. I just wish it was postponed this year, or maybe even pushed to my birthday or something.
So anyway, my point (and yes I have one) is that I honestly mean to post more often, but I just need to get next week overwith first. Then this purge will consist of a bit more than Scalzi assignments....well one can hope, anyway.
As of 12:31 PM next Saturday I'll be a very happy girl, I promise.