The Daily Purge

The Inevitable Gratitude Post. No Barfing.

2008-11-26T12:44:00.000-08:00

Learn to get in touch with silence within yourself
and know that everything in this life has a purpose.
There are no mistakes, no coincidences,
all events are blessings given to us to learn from.

~ Elizabeth Kübler-Ross

Yeah. What she said.

As I deal with my current "blessings" I wish countless others on you, my friends. Not the "learning experience" kind I'm going through, but the kind that bring you true joy and happiness.

My current gratitude list:

My daughters - significant of all things hopeful in my life

My Sue - my angel

My dogs - my familiars - the source of all unconditional love

My friends - thank you for being here

My health

My education and qualifications and certifications, aka all the framed docs on "The Ego Wall" (thank gawd I got that done)

Forgiveness, in general

Colorful paperclips

My Krusty the Klown pen that screams supportive happy thoughts at about 20 gazillion db (thanks Cornelius)

Elvis Presley, Katy Perry, Brandy Carlile, Mozart, Pavarotti, Journey, The Who, ACDC, Seether, Miranda Lambert, Pink, the chicks and everything else I've cranked up to deal

My magic 8 ball - for all those big life decisions

From the bottom of my heart...Have a wonderful and safe Thanksgiving.

MWAH!

Internal Joy, aka the Positive Mental Attitude

2008-11-24T15:43:00.001-08:00

Typically, extraordinarily happy people make me fantasize about performing violent acts. I'm talking about the kind with one emotion, crazy happy, bubble headed dorks who are just always...happy. The kind that are borderline insane, and they always have a ridiculous smile on their faces.

You just know they're not really that happy, all the damn time. There has to be some psychosis there, just under the surface.

Lately, as I don my "management mask" for work, I've had the fake happy. The kind you have to portray to your coworkers and subordinates when you're supposed to pretend like everything's okay, because attitude is everything and there's no "I" in "team" and every other crappy team building slogan you've ever been forced to memorize. You know...the McCain kind of smile. The kind that looks like it just has to hurt. The kind of smile that makes a little crackle noise, because it took every muscle in your face straining at full capacity to make it happen. It has somewhat resembled the psycho happy, just not as ridiculous.

This weekend I became fully aware of internal joy. Not mine (yet), but someone elses. I've known this woman - we'll call her Monica - for years, and always been aware of her positive attitude, but observing her Saturday drove it all home.

I volunteered to proctor a certification exam this weekend. I'd done it in shorter stints before, and if you've never proctored a four and a half hour exam before I can describe it to you pretty easily: Four and one half hours of the equivalent to watching paint dry or grass grow. Part of the duties of the proctor include watching examinees to ensure that they don't attempt any mischief. (I added the duties to seem less stalkerish - I don't just stare at people.) I suffer from ADHD, so by the time it was over I was ready to run around the parking lot a few times and take the building down block by block, but I digress...

Monica took the exam this weekend. Monica is always positive, supportive and nurturing. She very rarely complains, and she always tries to find the good in any situation. She's what I aspire to be in the emotional health spectrum.

I watched her take the exam this weekend, and do you know that during times of such concentration and frustration, computing accounting equations, she still smiled and had a calm and peaceful demeanor? Her calculator stopped working mid-exam, and she STILL maintained that inner peace.

In the recent past, I described my current work situation to her, and she helped me to see how the huge positives outweighed the one negative by quoting one of Covey's messages in Seven Habits.

I want to be that. I want to be wise and serene and peaceful. I want my current situations to have less of a negative impact on my behavior and demeanor than they do now. I don't want to be Snatchy McGrouchypants, and I'm tired of allowing others' actions dictate my mood.

Is that a superpower, or is that Prozac? Can someone fill me in?

Forever the optimist...

2008-11-13T13:50:00.000-08:00

Y'all know how I roll. I try to find the good in every situation or experience (shaddap. I do try to, I'm just not always successful).

So the current hell I find myself in has some wonderful points:

1) I no longer am hiding anything from the people closest to me. Well almost all of those people, anyway.

There is no longer a giant stinky glowing laughing skeleton in my closet, and that big monkey on my back?
Gone.

2) I have discovered who I can (and cannot) count on when hell arrives on my doorstep and makes itself comfy.

I had an e-mail from my beautiful wonderful sister-in-law (brother's wife) that
made me cry happy tears last night. The best line in that e-mail that I'll remember for the rest of my life..."...and you are OUR family". That's just a smidge of the support that's been pouring in from people that I know (now) that care about me. Its nice to have that reaffirmed, I just wish it didn't take a crisis to remember that people love me. I should just know and I'm the stupid one for not knowing.

3) I can find pleasure in simple things.

Like the way my lil dog snuggles up next to me, lays his head in my lap and looks at me as if to say "its all good mama". Or the incredible kindness and helpfulness that comes from my oldest. Or the way my youngest gives the best neck hugs, or her crazy laugh. Or that end of the day purge ritual with Sue that just makes everything okay. Or just how amazingly blue the sky is today...

4.) I now understand that the only thing constant is this world is change, and that's not necessarily a bad thing.

One simply must not take anything at all in this world for granted. When you become attached to something is exactly the point in time when the universe decides you need to become detached from it. So my job is not secure. No one's is right now. This is my opportunity. I could find something with more security that provides more professional growth. Companies are always going to need people to count their money. Until we switch back to bartering, I think I'm good. I have been at the rock bottom - on welfare, on food stamps, starving - and I've made it out. I can do this. I can handle it. Change is good.

Change is good.

5.) I know now that settling is for wusses.

I deserve every happiness. I deserve to be cherished and loved enough to be told the truth. I deserve to be with someone that wants to be with me. I deserve companionship and honesty and love. I don't have to put anyone (except my kids) before my own personal comfort and well-being unless I choose to.

6.) I know that everything's going to be fine.

I came out of my last two hells (1994 and 2002) stronger, better, happier and more confident. This is the dawn of a new era. A housecleaning, so to speak. I'll be stronger, better, happier and more confident on the other side. Best of all, I'm finally being true to myself. Its a good feeling.

Doesn't mean I'm not scared to death, though.

7.) My kids are more mature than I ever realized.

They're also happiest when I'm happy too. I was scared and hesitating and it was totally unnecessary. They never cease to amaze me. They are hands-down the two best humans on this earth. Its unconditional love, and it never waivers. They're awesome.

8.) There's two catalysts out there responsible for the biggest changes in my life.

One, I'd like to strangle and/or flying bitch slap (when a regular one just won't do) for a complete lack of judgement and otherwise selfish behavior. The other I thank the gods for every single day. The single brightest light happiest ending best story ever, and it makes everything else worth while. Thank you Cornelius for being that light at the end of my very dim tunnel.

9.) I have met the COOLEST people during this process.

Those who have been there/done that, those who have opened their hearts and shared their stories with me, and those who have just quietly supported me by just their presence. (dang that sounded Obama-ish). There are a bunch of bloggers out there that I read religiously just because I can look at their lives now and go "that'll be me in a couple of years". I do it mostly anonymously, because otherwise I'd seem a little...cyberstalker-like. They're all in my favorites list. There are countless others, and they do NOT include Joe the Plumber.

So here's my preemptive and premature thankfulness entry. There will be more. I'm trying to find something to be grateful for every single day.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

2008-10-20T14:48:00.000-07:00

Strange how just when you get comfy, the universe pulls the rug out from underneath you, shakes it violently to get all the sand and crap out of it, turns it upside down and puts it back.

Everything in my life, every aspect of my life, is going through some sort of adjustment right now. My job isn't so secure anymore. My marriage is kaput, and I've recognized it and am making the proper adjustments (with a little nudging from my cheerleaders). My oldest is in her senior year of high school and getting ready to do the college education thing. My youngest has started junior high - ack the tween thing. Let it be done! - and adjusting just fine. I'm looking for a new place, and starting everything over.

The crazy thing is that the longer I'm involved in this change thing, the better things become. I'm excited about having my own place, where I can walk around scratchin myself. I'm excited about going through all of our mountains of crap and getting rid of useless junk. I'm excited about where my oldest is going and all the things she'll get to do and see. I'm excited (and scared!) for my youngest, but its so awesome watching her grow and learn.

I've mourned the loss of what we had here in worksville, and I'm ready to see what's around the corner. I hope to Elvis I get to stay here. I love it here and I love what I do and I love the people I work with. But, I might not get to stay here, and ... know what? That's just fine too. I've done graduated and I've got years of experience behind me and letters behind my name. I've got friends and colleagues and I know how to network. I will have the opportunity to teach others how to do what I do. I'll be fine. We'll be fine.

I've mourned the death of my marriage as well. 13 years is a long damn time to be together. As 0ur family physician put it so delicately... "Kris, there's a fine line between loyalty and stupidity. You're a saint." Yanno, not so much. I've got so much life to live and so much love to give. I grew tired of my relationship checkbook always being overdrawn. I'm just tired. The only thing worse than being lied to (more times than I care to think about or remember) is the knowledge that you were never (in that person's eyes) worth the truth. Enough said. I will always and forever love him, as he's the father of my baby and been a father to my other baby, but I'm tired of living a lie. I'm no saint. I'm no angel. I'm not perfect. I'm not a lot of things. I tried for almost 20 years to be someone I'm not, and its destroying me. Its time to be me. Take it or leave it. I'm through making apologies for who I am.

Fate, as accidental as it was, has led me to happiness. I can see it. Its within my reach. In this case, the grass really is greener. This is what I've been waiting for. Its as if I'm sitting here, fascinated, watching the pieces of the puzzle that's my life fall into place. I don't even really have to do very much. The Master Plan is coming to fruition, and I just have to make sure I'm listening and paying attention. If I get the cues right, everything will be as it should be.

My mom once told me that her 30's were the best time of her life. That's when you start making decisions for yourself without trying to please everyone else in the process. That's when your confidence kicks in and gives you the gumption you lacked before. I'm finally doing things that are best for me, and it feels freakin wonderful. I'm not scared as much of what others will think or what's best for them. Its about my kids (first, always, no matter what) and me. What's best for us right now? What will bring us joy and happiness?

Sometimes this means separating from poisonous people, even if we still love them very much. Sometimes this means ignoring what's best for others and doing what's best for us. Its doing the little things that bring smiles and positivity. We don't have to go anywhere or do anything. We can be us, and that's okay.

I watched The Holiday this weekend. Chick flick, I know, shaddap. There's a scene in the movie where one of the characters is describing this horrible heartbreak she's suffering, and the man she's eating dinner with says something to the effect of...Iris, in the movies, we have leading ladies and we have the best friend. You, I can tell, are a leading lady, but for some reason, you're behaving like the best friend.

From now on, I'm the leading lady in my own life. Holy crap this feels awesome.

The Death of AOL

2008-10-09T17:28:00.000-07:00

Its just sad. I know, I haven't written or posted since - what was it December? - but still. AOL J-Land died years ago with the advent of those stupid banner ads - any ordinary idiot could have predicted THAT - but now to bayonet the wounded to make sure we're dead...its just sad.

Who would have known that AOL would stop listening to the consumer and die a slow and painful death? Who could have predicted that a series of drastically horrible business decisions would mean the demise of the internet giant? It seems that if they'd just listened to their customers, they'd still be around. Weren't we all begging them to stop sending countless random CDs out to the masses? Those things cost zillions I'm sure, and we used them for carpentry and art projects and to make tables stop wobbling. Then...the banner ads. Chasing the remainder of their loyal customer base out in the name of corporate greed, without even considering how the consumers would react.

I remember logging on the first time in 2000 and thinking AOL was the SHIZNIT. I spent hours IMing my friends and learning about chatrooms...making my own first personal homepage and then this - the purge. A place where I can come and exercise the writing muscle, keep in touch with my friends, make new ones ... all while doing something I love - writing. Its just kind of sad that the door is closing on that era forever. There are memorial journals of those who have since passed that will be lost to us always (AOL refuses to transition them because you have to opt in, and that's hard if you're no longer with us), and those of us who have chosen not to blog anymore, thus saying a quiet farewell.

I hope we all decide to keep writing and purging and communicating on some other format and I hope I find you all as well. Maybe everyone will make the smooth transition, and my friends will go look for me. In return, I promise to try to blog more often.

My new address: http://mydailypurge.blogspot.com/

Look me up, subscribe, whatever. Let's not lose each other forever. Feel free to e-mail me and send me your new addy.

As one door closes...another door is opening and my little world is changing.
I'll give more specifics shortly.

Tags: AOL Journals, AOL J-Land, kristeenaelise, The Daily Purge

Ninjas & Power Rangers

2007-12-03T15:15:00.000-08:00

I love working with first graders.

Sometimes you just need the recharge. It's so refreshing to see these bright little spongy minds, with nothing to discourage them or make them self-conscious yet. They're lacking that horrible second-guessing themselves hiccup that all the rest of us are victims of. I love that!

One of my little hour-long sessions is about jobs: the purpose of jobs (to provide for our needs, and wants if there's some left over), to be productive members of society, and to make our communities better. In this topic, I always do the "What do you wanna be when you grow up?" thing, because its just so doggone adorable, and yes - refreshing. I follow every answer with "where do you get the training to find the skills you need for (whateveryouwannabe)?"

So this time I get the normal answers: vet, "army guy", policeman, fireman, race car driver, teacher, engineer (the train kind), doctor, lawyer...finally I get to Julian. Julian wants to be a ninja. Cool! So where do you get the skills you need to be a ninja?

From other ninjas. Duh. (eyeroll)

Halfway through our schpeel he changes his mind. Wait! Something better! Julian wants to be a Power Ranger. Right on! Where do you get those skills? (I know you're all dying to know.)

From other Power Rangers. Ner.

I can dig that. On the job training, right? Practice!

So while defending the universe is a great life goal, I'm wondering how he'll provide for himself and his family should he choose to have one. Maybe I should encourage him to be an army ranger, or a forest ranger, or a karate instructor, because I'm a grownup and that's what grownups do. Color inside the lines... dogs can't be purple, silly... girls can't work in construction... walk, don't run....

After a moment or two I thought better of that whole line of questioning. You know what? Who cares?The boy's got goals. He knows what he wants to do and who am I to discourage that?

I'll wait 12 years. It'll be awesome to see New Mexico's first Ninja Power Ranger, defending our universe.

You go, Julian.

Tags: First Graders, Careers, Grownups, Power Rangers, Ninjas

Random 1st Grade Facts & Gratitude

2007-11-20T12:35:00.000-08:00

Quote of the day from Granny Moon:

The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials. ~ Chinese Proverb

*******************************************

Three things I didn't know yesterday, as told to me by three first graders on their way to recess:

"I have a cousin named Chris. He's already dead." Great that we have the same name, bad that he's dead.

"My brother killed a rabbit. We ate it. It was goooood. My brother gave me the hind leg to play with and it still moves!" Well there's an anatomy lesson...

"I saw a naked person!" He said this while slipping away, so teacher doesn't hear and he doesn't get in trouble...then quieter, "...in a magazine!" (runs away as fast as his little legs will carry him)

*************************

My annual (daily) gratitude list:

I'm completely thankful for:

My children, my angels, my babies...they continue to amaze me each and every day. I get to be their Mom!

My health. Those of you that have been reading for a while know that's not a given with me. Here's to good health, and continued good health.

My friends and family. My friends tolerate me so very well. I'm not worthy. Thanks for always putting up with my crap.

My job. I finally have a place I can go each day that I actually enjoy. I love what I do, and I'm paid very well for doing it. I try to never take that for granted.

My hitos. I feel like each animal I have in my life was heaven-sent, and I'm fortunate to have their little hearts in my life.

The little things. Multi-colored paperclips, a great song, my Elvis pens, the flowers in my yard, a car that starts each morning, a squoogie pillow, cinnamon iced tea, Dr. Pepper lip gloss, a smile, a hug and a squoogie pillow.

Life is still good.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Tags: 1st graders, Thanksgiving, gratitude

Superstitions and Farewells

2007-11-01T19:10:00.000-07:00

For those of you who fall in the "might not know but may still care" category....

Farewells:

My brother in law passed away October 11 rather suddenly at the age of 60. He was found slumped in his chair looking asleep in his home. Supposedly something burst in his stomach - I don't know what the official cause of death was. I feel guilt because he and I weren't on great terms at the time of his passing, and I said some not nice things to him the last time I saw him. He was a very extremely talented artist, a Viet Nam vet, and Louie's best friend. I learned that he enlisted at the tender age of 16, was a paratrooper, volunteered for three tours, and earned two purple hearts and a bronze star among other things. He was finished at age 19 and broken, both physically and mentally. He never recovered from the war. I hope he's found peace now.

My grandfather passed away this Sunday. He was very old. He fell asleep Sunday afternoon and didn't wake up. I loved him tons, and although I'm going to miss him, I'm glad he passed quietly without some long drawn-out horribly painful ordeal. My kids remember him dressing up as a clown each Halloween to hand out candy. He went to Clown School (yes there is one) after he retired to learn how to clown correctly. They remember the little tune he sang out of joy when he got a new-fangled cell phone last Christmas. I remember that he always made me feel like I was a blood relative, even though I wasn't. I remember that he always called me my whole entire name (even when I wasn't in trouble) when no one else did. I remember that he came to my college graduation, which meant so much to me. I remember his tomato garden, his turtles (to keep the bugs off the tomatoes) and his affinity for fixing old manual typewriters. I remember his office, where my brother and I used to spin around in that old chair until we were very near to barfage, and that he had an envelope moistener that looked like the Rolling Stones lips and tongue. I remember his disgust about how such fertile farmland near our Peralta home was divided and developed into single family housing. I remember that old southern drawl and how it took him nine years to tell a story. I remember that he always wore a dapper hat when he went visiting. I remember my mom telling me how he wouldn't let her eat the food at the fair because of all the flies, and how badly he felt for her after she broke her last bottle when she was little. I also remember the story of how he and my Meemaw met - he came to look at a sick cow on their farm.

I'll miss him.

Superstition:

Bad stuff always happens in threes. I'm not sure why I'm like this, but now I'm waiting for the some other bad third thing. I find myself obsessing over it. I wish it would just happen so I could handle it and move on. Louie laid something marriage-busting on me in July, was that the first thing? Or are we on number 4 now?

I swear I don't know why I feel the need to count these things. I guess its part of my OCD thing - I've mentioned before about my need to always have things in even numbers, as if having an odd number will bring negative energy or something. I think of it more as a balance concept - you always need at least two of something. Much like accounting, with its debits and credits...Its a zen thing.

Purge complete.

Tags: death, farewells, superstition

Read this now

2007-10-23T11:15:00.000-07:00

Finish each day and be done with it. You have done
what you could; some blunders and absurdities have
crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow
is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too
high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

.....enough said.

Tags: new beginnings, letting go, Ralph Waldo Emerson

Mini Rant

2007-10-10T15:07:00.000-07:00

We all have our preferred mode of contact and communication. Just as our attitudes and personalities are unique to us, so are our communication styles.

I am definately a text/e-mail person. I do not like phone conversations. I simply despise long drawn out phone conversations (AKA anything longer than 15 minutes). I'm just not a phone person.

Is that so hard to understand? I know there are others out there like this.

NO I'm not antisocial, I'm just anti-vocal. I'm perfectly capable of having a meaningful conversation in person. Everything else can be done electronically.

I think part of this has to do with the fact that I am, from the time I wake up to when my head hits the pillow, multitasking in some way, shape or form. I have ADHD, so that's sort of my M.O. I can't be doing just one thing at a time, because that will drive me insane. In order to be fully stimulated, I have to have at least two things going on at once. Its impossible to multitask on the phone and still be effective.

Another part of it is my hectic life. I am constantly either at work, volunteering, or with my kids. There's rarely an occasion where I'm alone and/or not working. In order to make a phone call, I have to make a conscious decision, set aside time, and concentrate on just that thing. On top of that, as a working mom, I want every available moment with my kids. If I'm blabbing on the phone all the time, that's not quality time. Alternatively, if I can answer an e-mail at my leisure, usually after several different attempts, its just easier. I can get other things accomplished in the meantime. If I have to get up or stop to do something else real quick, I can. If one of my kids needs to ask me a quick question, I can answer them. On the phone though...its a different story.

I actually shut my phone off at home because we have three cell phones between us. My only mode of contact at this point phone-wise is my work cell phone. I don't need a telephone. I don't like them, and I wouldn't use them if I didn't have to.

Sidenote: I have one of those irritating blue tooth things for work purposes...am I the only one that finds those annoying? I always think someone's talking to their imaginary friend, and they're on their damn bluetooth thing. Its rude to be on the phone when there are others around you who you're supposed to be paying attention to. Just so you know. Aside from my kids, there is NOTHING important enough to justify me walking around on the phone like that.

I completely understand different communication styles. I know, to be effective at my job and in life, I have to call certain people to get a response, and they prefer that over e-mail. That's totally fine with me, and I can respect that. There are other, more verbal, personality types that prefer a face-to-face conversation or a telephone call over an e-mail. My boss is one of those people. I have friends and family like that, who've come to understand that you can leave me nine million voicemails, and I'll still respond back with an e-mail or a text message. You want a phone conversation with me? Good luck with that. Its just not happening. And if it does happen, it'll be quick and dirty and to the point.

I think my next phone purchase will be a Blackberry, so I can e-mail and text from the phone rather than answering it. HA!

*Mini rant complete*

Tags: communication styles, bluetooth, phones, rants

Fidgety

2007-10-02T19:38:00.000-07:00

I was a fidgety kid. I was diagnosed ADHD and thankfully given the medications I needed to function, but a lot of the time I still wanted to crawl right out of my skin from the inside. Now that I'm a grown up, occasionally I'll have a bad day where I feel the need to run around the block for a few times. Fortunately (or maybe unfortunately for those around me) I'm not on meds anymore, having learned some tools (so I thought) to master this issue.

Today was one of those days.

Unfortunately I was stuck in a conference all day. A highly informative conference that I've sort of been looking forward to, in an accounting nerd sorta way.

I was ready to bust a cap. I could NOT sit still for the entire second half of the conference. I'm not sure I heard a lot of what the man said. Its like a volcano ready to erupt - you have all this pent up energy just underneath the surface and no where to let it go. Staying on task, paying attention is like torture. Truth be told, I don't know if I would have been productive in any capacity this afternoon, and I have no idea why. I don't know what triggered it.

I played with my hair.

I picked up and opened my cell phone about 4,598,631 times.

I clicked my pen.

I doodled.

I tapped my foot.

I shifted around in my chair.

I adjusted my shirt.

It gets worse. I'm still feeling this way. I'm drinking caffiene (sp) because it has the opposite effect on ADHD people. It usually calms me right down. I'll get there and stop rambling like a crazy person.

I wish I could effectively describe it.

Got it!!

About 50 excitable honeybees in a very small jar, kept in the pit of your stomach.

I'm off to get more tea.

Tags: ADHD, Adult ADHD

Were we this dramatic?

2007-10-01T19:58:00.000-07:00

Saturday night - I get some cockamamie story from my oldest about how last minute she wants to spend the night somewhere and stuff wasn't making sense so I pulled the plug and went and fetched her from a local fast food chain, thereby interrupting her plans for the evening.

Reaction: Tears, you're so mean, you don't understand me, why don't you trust me, blah blah, drama drama, wah wah, more tears, slammed door, silence.

For some reason, now that there's a boyfriend involved I second guess anything. Not fair, I realize, but I also remember the stuff I pulled at her age. I'm trying to be at least half a step ahead. She's asked me more than twice if she can spend the night at said boyfriend's or vice versa.

Uhm...No.

So I get this bulletin today "My mom hates me".

<screech!> Say what??

O.M.G. W.T.F.

Where we this dramatic?

I remember how things/emotions/events/reactions were ten times bigger than actual size when we were in high school, but jeez.

Now, I've tried to make my children's existance a fairly good one. They've been brought up in a home that is fear-free, comfortable and relatively fun to be in. That was one of the goals. The children have more "stuff" than I ever did, and I grew up in a semi-affluent family. The oldest has a good head on her shoulders, so I don't question things often. She's a good kid. But when I do...holy guacamole.

So I explain my job description again. Basically, my first objective/responsibility is to ensure her safety, health and welfare. The end product, or deliverable, would be a productive responsible contributing member of society.

She'll get over it.

Tags: teenagers,parenting, kids

Freedom and Guilt

2007-10-01T15:56:00.000-07:00

The silly daily affirmation I got in my mail box this morning said something about freedom.

I give myself permission to release bondage and oppression
from every level of the energy field. I turn my attention to freedom.

The interesting thing about that is the emphasis on negative energy. WHATEVER it is we're craving freedom from, today's the day to release it. Bondage, oppression, a certain individual or thing (energy vampire), a negative feeling...let it go.

So I did!

I've been feeling tremendously guilty for spending $136.36 this Saturday on some fall work attire. I got four shirts and two pairs of pants for that at Kohls, and I felt so guilty it was sick. I should have been celebrating! Who gets that many new clothes for that amount of money!?!

Kayla needs tennies real bad, some new riding boots and helmet, and Emily always needs something. I bought them about $400 worth of clothes to start school with, and I feel guilty for dropping a little over $100 on myself. That's about 1/3 of my total clothes expenditure for the year. I think I've spent about $300 (including this weekend) on my professional attire for the year.

WHY do I feel guilty about stuff like that? I work my butt off, earn the healthiest salary I've ever earned...and I feel guilty for $136. I can afford it.

This whole month is about freedom, so I'm sure I'll think of a bunch more things to let go. I usually blame this stuff on my upbringing (christian guilt and what-not) but this is ridiculous. My children are well taken care of (spoiled rotten). So, I'm letting it go. I'm setting myself free from that negative guilt energy.

...and enjoying my new clothes.

Tags: guilt, freedom, shopping, affirmations

suckbuttiest friend ever

2007-09-27T11:58:00.000-07:00

My life has thankfully calmed down to the point where I can read my personal e-mail, check out blogs and read books for pleasure, even if its only for a few moments a day.

I've realized, however, that over the past year of mayhem and madness, I've let a lot of my friendships fall by the wayside. As with anything, if you stop nurturing or giving energy to something, it fades and dies. Hopefully my friends are the forgiving type, and they'll listen to me long enough to let me apologize and try to understand that I don't do this crap on purpose.

I've got this great job that I've devoted a ton of attention to, and my babies are all-important, but those aren't the only things that make a life whole. Life, in general, is wonderful. I just forgot there were other parts of it that require my attention and energy.

As I get older, I understand more and more why friends are important. We simply can't survive without human relationships in our short existance here on earth. The way our lives have become, we must have support systems in place to fall back on. When the bottom does fall out, as mine has, you realize you've alienated and/or ignored the friends you so desperately need to lean on.

Now, like the selfish brat I am, I caught myself feeling like they should just magically appear to help me sort through the latest mess...failing to realize that I've been MIA for the past year (or more)! WTF is wrong with me???

I can't promise I'll change, but I can promise I'll make the effort.

Tags: friendship, guilt, life

Almost a year!

2007-07-11T14:51:00.000-07:00

Wow this feels weird. I'm not sure what to say about the past year. Nothing really exciting has happened, which is downright sad. Blah blah blah, work sleep work, blah blah blah.

I haven't lost any more weight, but I have started exercising. I feel better than I have in years and I'm actually running now. (I never ever thought I'd say that!)

We lost one of our dog babies this year - Byron the handsome shephard - and just recently adopted a giant dog named Frank. He's over 110 lbs and is about a year old. I'm sure his name is short for Frankenstein, but that's just my guess. His foster mom said he was half shepherd, and I think the other half is mastiff. He's ginormous.

I graduated, I got through the surgeries fine, I love my job, my kids are great...not much more to bore you with. People have been bugging me to post, so here I am.

Perhaps in the near future I'll think of something worth posting, but I have nothing. Does anyone even post on AOL Journals anymore? Are there any good ones left? (Aside from Mortimer, whom I heart very much, and is always entertaining)

I missed this. Perhaps I'll start using it again and not care who reads it. That was my prior hangup - I was worried about what people (ie career/job public eye people) read in my journal. I think maybe I'll start posting again for myself and just not care. YEAH.

So here it is, my first uneventful post after a year.

FIN

Tags: boring, uneventful, subject-less, pathetic

Katrina Survivors

2006-08-31T14:58:00.000-07:00

In the most random place possible, I met a family of Katrina Survivors who were out on their summer vacation. We were at the top of Sandia Peak, checking out the views, when a man asked me where I was from. I told him we were from Albuquerque, and he told me he was from New Orleans. He corrected himself and said "used to be from New Orleans, anyway".

He was the sweetest kindest man - so humble and seemingly grateful for every breath he took. He told me that when the levees broke it moved his mother's house - ripped it right off the foundation - about 100 feet from where it stood. The water was moving so fast it just swept it away.

Yes, there had been warnings as there had been warnings before. Earlier they'd had a warning and evacuation order and came home to find some branches in their front yard and some puddles on the street. They had no way of knowing this would be any different than the last time. This man's boss told him that if he followed the evacuation order and didn't report to work, he'd be fired.

What many people don't understand is that these people had no funds to leave. Many didn't have cars. Many didn't have $5 to their name to get a bus ticket. Most didn't have credit cards to use. They were stuck. They could not leave without help.

This man, with his family, waited at the Convention Center and/or Superdome for four days before they were bussed out. They lost everything. He decided to stay here once they were shipped here, along with about 500 other people who were welcomed after they ran out of places to go.

This man was so sweet and forgiving and gracious and kind. I'm so glad he stopped to share his family's story with me. Reminded me what spoiled brats we all tend to be, and that we truly need to be grateful for everything we have.

Savor the day.

8/7/06-8/13/06

2006-08-14T11:47:00.000-07:00

On August 9, my dear friend and mentor Colleen Regan passed away after failing to recover from a near-drowning accident on April 8. Her partner has written up a wonderful description of Colleen, definately worth reading, here: Colleen. You can also read of her heroism in saving her drowning friend here.

This woman helped me more than words can describe when I was struggling spiritually. She helped to guide me at a time when I was so incredibly lost. I would never be as grounded and as successful today if I hadn't known her, and I feel blessed to be able to consider her one of my dearest friends. I am going to miss her so much.

On August 11, my uncle passed away suddenly at 53 years old, after suffering a major heart attack. Its crazy how you have these memories of people you grew up with and loved, and you take for granted that they'll just always be there. I hadn't seen my uncle since they moved back to Texas over ten years ago. He was way too young to die.

Another reminder to savor each and every breath you take, be thankful for each moment, and do your best not to take anything for granted.

2006 Albuquerque AIDS Walk!!

2006-08-02T10:55:00.000-07:00

As most of you know, every year we do the Albuquerque AIDS walk in memory of Alberto, a precious soul who lost his 10+ year long battle with AIDS in 2002. Its a great way to honor his memory, and raise awareness and funding for research, education and prevention of this horrific disease.

Here's our website, where you can make secure donations. There is NO MINIMUM - even $1 will help. Our goal is $500 this year - we'll get there!

TEAM ROMERO 2006

As always, anyone in the area is welcome to come and walk with us. For $25 you can officially register and get an official t-shirt, or you can just show up for free and support the cause.

Thanks again for your support!

At Least Its Over.

2006-07-13T14:54:00.000-07:00

I'm just purging here, bear with me.

The surgery did not go as planned. My tumor/diverticulum/benign growth ended up being about ten times the size they thought it was going to be (grapefruit vs golf ball), attached to my bladder, and severely infected. My belly, it turns out, is full of scars and adhesions ("sheets and sheets", per the doc) from my appendectomy like 20 years ago, so the laproscopy failed and they had to do a regular incision. I had a reaction to the anesthesia which caused me to black out and barf for two days straight, during which time our stupid HMO sent its resident Insurance Nazi to come and tell me (in between vomit spells) that I'd overstayed my visit and I'd be responsible for any additional charges. Her response to my vomiting and blacking out was, "Well, you can vomit and black out at home. There's medication for that." (Miss Thang was promptly escorted out of my hospital room. She hadn't even opened my chart to read it. We have the Presbyterian Health Plan. If you have a choice, I'd advise you choose another HMO.)

So yeah, my recovery time will be a little longer than expected. Instead of four days, we're looking at six to eight weeks. I'm still sore, I still get tired really easily, and I'm only working a few hours a day...but its over. I'll have the final repairing surgery in two months, and then it'll be over over for good.

My sincere, heartfelt thank you to all that sent good vibes and thoughts my way. I appreciate that more than you all know. I'm truly blessed to have all the friends I have.

I'm verclempt. Hugs, everyone.

TMI?? Well, may-beh...

2006-06-21T15:04:00.000-07:00

Another birthday came and went - the big 35. I'm thankful to have another year in this beautiful place. I loved Father's Day - saw my dad for a bit and hung out with my brother for a really long time. It was awesome.

We did this crazy thing that I suppose people do when they've had too much to drink. Remember stiff as a board, light as a feather? That game you played at slumber parties? (Well pretend you remember if you don't!) Its kinda like that.

My brother sat in a chair in the middle of the kitchen. My brother's taller than me and not a tiny guy...so we'll say he weighs about 225. Four of us stood around him, forming a square. (like two were directly across from each other and so were the other two. I know I'm not making sense, work with me here!) Each of us clasped our hands together, intertwining our fingers, and then made like a play gun with our hands - our two pointy fingers sticking out. Then we each placed our hands like that under the chair and attempted to lift him. As you can imagine, we were unsuccessful.

Then, we each placed our hands over his head, one at a time, in order, about an inch between each hand. As we were doing this, I could feel sort of an energy moving through my hands...it was so weird. Anyway, so we held them there for a moment, and then we each removed our hands, one at a time, in the same order we'd placed them there. Then, we made the little pointy finger gun with our hands and attempted to lift him again. This time we lifted him very high, very quickly, and he wasn't heavy at all.

WHOA. Now tell me - why did that work?!?!

I thought - okay this is stupid. I hadn't been drinking, my daughter hadn't been drinking (obviously), so we knew it wasn't that. So, we tried it again with Louie, with my daughter, and each time the result was the same. My brother said he'd done it at a party with a 300 lb guy and the guy hit his head on the ceiling.

Spooked me out. If anyone's ever heard of this - please let me know. I'm starting to imagine some quantum physics explanation or something. That SHOULD NOT have worked!

*************

Just gonna put this out there...

I'm having some surgery next week and I'm a little freaked about it. I mean, its necessary (I'm not THAT stupid) but I'm a bit skeered. I'll spend the night in the hospital and hopefully go home the next day.

I haven't had surgery in like...20 years. There's a lot involved in preparation and screening and more consent forms than I've ever seen in my life. Yeah, I'm a bit nervous, but I know I'll be fine. I get to have two of them this year, and let's just say I'll be glad when they're over. Yes, I'm completely grateful to be able to have this done to improve my quality of life, and I'm grateful for the medical insurance and medical care I have access to. I'm working on keeping the ultimate goal in mind: improved quality of life. I'll be even gratefuller when I wake up on the flip side and all is well.

Anywho...I'll see all of you in about two weeks.

Pics!

2006-06-12T19:19:00.000-07:00

Proof I graduated, as well as proof Emily inherited her Mom's focus skills:

That really is me with the dean, I promise. Gawd that felt amazing.

The faboolous view from our hotel room:

There's a "European Style" pool where you can be almost nekked. The girls and I didn't go there, but I can't tell you how many times I peered out the window just to see if anyone was that brave. They were!

Crazy how ginormous these hotels are.

The trip was amazing. We had such a blast! Vegas is way too big a town for me - almost overwhelming - and I was ready to come home. I didn't fall in love with it like I did New Orleans, but I have to say that was one of the best times the girls and I have ever had.

I'm grateful to have been able to go. I have an awesome boss!

Tonight is sooo bizarre - I'm home alone, which NEVER happens, and its creepin' me out! Kayla's at Girl Scout camp for the first time ever, Em's at her dad's....so here I am. Now I know where Carol was coming from, the aloneness is a bizarre thing when you're not used to it. I'm glad its only for one night. Gawd help me when they're gone and I'm alone all the time.

Slowly but surely the stress is fading a little. I think because of my ADHD and my lifestyle all these many years, I'm used to going 350 mph all the time. Now that I don't have to, it feels funny. I still have that drive and ambition, but nothing to focus it on.

ADHD and a Gemini- what a combination. 9 gazillion projects and not a single one finished - just "revised".

I'm still losing weight, slowly but surely. I gained about 5 lbs during the last few weeks of school, and I've taken that off plus about a pound and a half more. All in all I'm right at 53.5 lbs lost. I switched plans at Weight Watchers - I'm now on the "core plan" which requires no tracking, no measuring...its completely mindless (good for me, I know) and I'm finally losing weight again. I've still got a few pounds to go, but I'm so incredibly happy with how I look and feel now, any more weight loss is icing on that giant cake.

Well there, I've done my purgin for the day. I'm off to read and relax...or try to.

SORRY!

2006-06-08T15:03:00.000-07:00

If anyone's still out there...

So yeah, I done graduated, and then I took off to Vegas for a conference for a week (yep I've got pics - I'll get them here, really I will), and then I ...

...managed to piss everyone off, lost all track of time, got very little done and here I sit chasing my tail like a dork.

Crazy how "stuff to do" will expand proportionally to fill the time you've gained by graduating from college, huh.

This is an adjustment, and a big one. I don't know how to explain it exactly, but I'll try.

Say you've been striving for a goal for close to a decade and a half. Its been all-consuming, stressful, and you've been focused on this one thing for all these years and then suddenly you get there. First, you're elated. YEAH! I did it!! Then, you scratch your head and wonder..."what the heck do I do now?"

Well, I'm reading for pleasure. I'm cleaning and organizing little by little. I'm sitting out by the pool with the girls. I'm grooming my dogs. I'm making my bed. I'm watching TV when I can stomach it. I'm catching up on e-mails and journals. I'm writing thank you cards and visiting with friends more often. I'm spending tons more time with my daughters.

But (yes there's a but), I feel like I'm sort of goal-less. Like I've lost my focus. I don't know where I'm headed. Its an adjustment, that's for sure.

Meanwhile, I'm pissing off people in droves it seems and I SWEAR I'm not doing it on purpose. I flaked contacting my friend before I went to visit her new town for my conference, then I misplaced her number, and then I stalked her unsuccesfully for two days. (Forgive me Aileen I swear I didn't do iton purpose. I'm a flake. I'm an idiot.) I haven't returned e-mails or phone calls to a couple of other people (Chuck), and I've fallen desperately behind in reading my favorite journals.

Its just that big adjustment process. I can't put my finger on it, but I feel kinda lost, sorta.

Here's my collective apology to everyone I've flaked out on:

I need to get my feces coagulated. I apologize.

Yeah, I know.

2006-04-27T18:18:00.000-07:00

If I have any readers left, I apologize for the hiatus, but there's this little thing called the last semester of college that's getting in the way.

* 15 more days till graduation. 360 hours.

* 11 more days till my last day of school. 264 more hours.

* 3 more days of class. (T, TH, T)

* One more tax return project, one more final.

Then, I'm done with college.

Forever.

12 long years it took me to get here.

Can we say "SENIORITIS"?

Baby Bunnies Part Deux-Cute Overload

2006-04-01T19:02:00.000-08:00

Just in time for Easter...

2006-03-15T19:48:00.000-08:00

Baby bunnies!!!

I'll have better pics this weekend. Turns out our two boy bunnies aren't two boy bunnies, and it took them two years to figure that out.

Yanno, everything's pretty okay. This world's not a bad place, afterall. It took 6 tiny bunnies to help me remember.

A most necessary purge

2006-03-09T19:56:00.000-08:00

I haven't felt like writing much lately. I'm having one of those periods where my world is spinning out of control and I get to just stand here helplessly watching. All I can do is tackle one single day/hour/minute at a time.

My attitude has basically stunk lately, and I'm not quite sure why. I'm snippy, short-tempered, frustrated, have this stupid spoiled entitlement attitude, and I'm completely unmotivated. My life has literally never been better than it is at this very moment, and my attitude sucks. I think its time for inventory, ladies and gentlemen.

I told off my neice the other night. Not just a little tell off either - a major one. I unloaded 4 years of stuff that's been stuffed deep deep deep way down to the bottom. I was emotional, I cried and ranted and raved and cussed and trembled. I scared my kids. I think my stress level allowed it to volcano into something that couldn't be stopped once it started. I'm not sure how to fix it now, or if I should even bother, but its bugging me. I've sat there silent while these individuals have dissed gay people in my presence for so many years, all in the name of keeping peace.

I'm not doing it anymore. Its akin to keeping quiet when someone tells a racist joke. Its not funny, its not acceptable, and I'm not going to be quiet and stand down and let people get away with hateful behavior.

Ever since my Alberto passed in 2002, I've watched the family slowly turn away. Most of you know that Alberto died after suffering with AIDS for over a decade. This has turned into my cause - I do the AIDS walk each year, I push testing, I volunteer, I raise money...these people have gradually turned from this. They "don't want to support gay people". I can't believe, after watching him die like we did, that they could even let thoughts like this enter their minds. They want to turn their noses down at gay people because its "sinful", but they'll cheat on their spouses and lie to their bosses and steal from their jobs. Then they proceed to lecture my children about how sinful gay people are.

hold up.

Most of you know that you can do pretty much anything you want to me, but you involve my kids and bad stuff happens. My children will not be taught to hate. They will not be taught to judge other people. Most of all, they will not be party to hypocracy. I have no problem with them attending a church that is OPEN AND AFFIRMING to all people...one that actually follows the "thou shalt not judge lest ye be judged" part of the deal.

Moreover, I honestly feel that if you are going to follow one verse in one chapter of the Bible, you need to follow each and every one of them. In other words, if you're going to lean so hard into Leviticus - embrace it ALL. Stop eating shellfish. Stop eating unblessed/unclean food. Stop working on Sundays. If one portion of Leviticus is outdated, then ALL of it is. Its interesting that when I bring this up, they claim that portion of the Bible is outdated because its the Old Testament. If one part is outdated, then ALL of it is. (Sidenote: please, before anyone proceeds to argue with me - go and read Leviticus in its entirety. then we can proceed with a discussion. Thanks in advance.)

So I embrace a young girl who's coming out for the first time. Her family has turned on her - called her an embarassment. I open my heart and my home to her, and tell her she'll always be welcome and safe in my house. I tell her its okay to feel what she's feeling, that a loving God would never tell us who we could and couldn't love. A loving God would never exclude someone based on something they had no control over. Then I sit back and watch a "religious" idiot poison her mind, watch her suffer the internal conflict of what she feels and needs versus what the church tells her is okay to feel and need. I love this child so much that I want her to have a place she can turn. I don't want her to end up a suicide statistic - a victim of a family who's shunned her, as so many do.

I give up. I mean, obviously I can't change how these people are - how hateful they've become. For some reason, I feel like I'm standing in the middle of a crowded room, screaming at the top of my lungs, and no one's listening. I know I can't change the world, but that doesn't mean I have to accept something that's so fundamentally wrong. Anyone who's known Albert or heard me talk about him knows that he was one of the most beautiful souls ever to walk this earth. He was one of the most godly men I knew - humble, kind, giving, loving, accepting - a true friend.

I've watched "Christians" spit on AIDS patients coming from doctor visits. I've seen similar people spray painting evil things on their cars. I've heard them say they got what they deserved, and that God doesn't love them because they're gay. ( I still want to know what the sin for cancer is.)

I've been on this spiritual quest for years now - desperately trying to understand why the religion I embraced for so long...well I should say the people involved in the religion I embraced for so long...could be so hateful. How can you just blindly accept something to be fact when that thing involves being hateful and mean to another human being? I can't get past that, and until I can, the quest will continue.

I'll still be here for her. She'll always have a place where she'll be loved no matter what. She'll always be able to be herself here. If doing that sends me to hell, then I suppose I've already got a road paved for me.

Blah. This turned into a rant and I didn't want it to. Its therapy. Please deal with it for a little while, at least until I decide to delete it.

Now back to our regularly scheduled, normal-acting, positive, optimistic happy-go-lucky Kris.

Manana.

Girl takes ribbon snake bite personally.

2006-02-20T08:49:00.000-08:00

So, as most of you know, I am a snake owner. I love snakes - I think they're beautiful, sleek, very misunderstood creatures.

Anyway, my snake's name is Phyl. This could be short for Phyllis or Phyllip - its an androgenous name because snakes are very hard to sex. I've had Phyl for about two years now and he's gotten very long and very fat. He's my buddy. I handle him often, the kids handle him, Kayla's friend handle him, and he's generally a pretty cool snake.

Until this time.

I bought him a beautiful brand new 15 gallon aquarium because he's too big for his old 5 gallon one. I got him new bedding, new river rocks, and put his plant and pond in there. I was all proud of myself.

So I take Phyl out like I usually do when its time to put his food in there, which, by the way, is live rosie fish. I held him for a while, letting him go in and out of my fingers, when I noticed he had some white shiney stuff on his head. Ew? So being the mom I am, I grabbed a paper towel and moistened it with warm water, and ran it over his whole body.

Now, ribbon snakes rarely bite I've read, but when they're really hacked they'll "musk" - nasty smelling stuff will come out of them, which is harmless. You just wash it off and go on with your business. Well, Phyl "musked" and yeah it was nasty. Then I noticed his little mouth open and freaked - he was trying to bite me!

The little S***!

He finally did get ahold of me, and I was freaked and yelling and screaming and shaking and the whole fandamily came to my aid, sorta. More like, they watched, mouths agape, as I freaked out over my snake.

I was so hurt and upset that I didn't realize I'd put him in his old cage. Tearful, bleeding, I put his fish in his pond and grabbed the thickest winteryest sock I could find so I could pick him up and relocate him. I'm so glad I took that precautionary measure, because the little craphead dug into that sock, through the sock to my skin...and wouldn't let go! I lowered him tail-first into the tank and he hung there, attached to the sock for a good two minutes before he let go.

Ouch!

He's not a rattlesnake, so there's no fangs there, just a gazillion little needle-like razor sharp teeth that hurt like a monkey when they get ya. You can't even see the bite on my finger anymore.

Needless to say, the female that I am, I took it personally. WAY personally. He's never been aggressive or mean before, ever. I've let tiny children handle this snake. He pooped on Kayla's friend, but that was the worst that's ever happened.

I'm bummed.

He didn't eat his last batch of fish, and he hasn't touched this one. He's not shedding, but he keeps rubbing his snout on everything like it itches. I'm hoping that's why he got so nippy.

Anyone out there own a western ribbon? I can't figure out why he got so nasty.

There ya go - the pathetic low-light of my weekend. Bitten by my own snake. Now you see why I live vicariously through my friends.

Pout!!

Wednesday Morning Eye Candy

2006-02-15T09:04:00.000-08:00

The new lead singer of INXS. Just sayin'.

Go here now for the video: Pretty Vegas

I think its the tattoos. . . enjoy!

Much Ado About Nothing. Really.

2006-02-12T20:00:00.000-08:00

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

Now that that's out of the way, I've got so much to purge about in so little time...this is gonna be all over the place.

I lost another couple of pounds, but its very slow going. Two pounds in a month is inexcusable, and I'm fully aware I'm not going to meet my goal of 55 lbs by the 14th, but it'll happen next week for sure. Its sure going slow, but at least its going.

****

I've felt pretty lousy all weekend, and I'm not entirely sure why. Well I know I suffered food poisoning Friday to Saturday, which was horrible. That's never happened to me before, and as I told Chuck, I'm seriously considering going vegan again. Its really hard to get food poisoning from fruits, veggies and grains. I haven't had pain like that since I had Kayla in 1997. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone.

I still can't shake the migraine or the cloud. I call it my 'aura' and I always get it before a migraine. I've only had one migraine before in my whole life, and I see weird circles around lights and fog-like stuff before and during. Hopefully it'll be gone tomorrow. I honestly don't have time to get sick. Maybe its stress...

*****

EDUCATOR RANT!!

Educator Rant, Paso Uno. Science Fair is next week for Kayla. Translation: Mom spends $100 (literally) on science fair crap, gives up an entire weekend of study time to monitor experiments and teach the scientific method, and teacher gets out of doing anything. My two cents: at 8-9 years old, teacher needs to not only instruct children on scientific method and give class time for science fair projects, she needs to LET THE PARENTS KNOW WELL AHEAD OF TIME instead of the Thursday before the fair. These children are not ready for it, seeing as they've had no exposure to this before. Fourth grade? yes! Fifth grade? Of course!! Third grade?? They still need some help. Add to this the fact that since January they've had 2-3 hours of homework a night (not exaggerating) AND a biography project is due this same week. My high schooler has less stuff to do.

Educator Rant, Part Deux: Stop teaching to the standardized tests. I don't give a hoot about the "no child left behind act". What happened to teaching? Why drill into the kids what they'll be tested on? Why get them so worked up about some stupid standardized test that they have no chance of passing anyway because y'all didn't bother teaching the topics until 4 weeks ago? Finally, WHY start teaching to the test merely 4 weeks before it'll be taken? They're not going to learn multiplication, division and geometry in four weeks.

Sidenote: sending a one page typed letter to the teacher got me a one line post-it, begging me not to have Kayla do a project because she "obviously really didn't want to". Of COURSE she doesn't want to. She's a kid. Kids don't ever WANT to do science fair projects. This would be a lesson on "how to miss a point entirely".

Educator Rant, Part THREE: Why hold a MANDATORY parent meeting to beg people to vote on bond funds, and then try to pacify them with cold flesh-filled sandwiches? Do you really think I wanted to eat with you people, versus my children? Ner. How about holding a parent meeting to discuss things like curriculum or science fairs? Now there's an idea...

*Rant Complete*

*****

Yeah, I've been a sucky journaller lately. Corporate Tax and Strategic Management are kicking my posterior, so bear with me for a while. Y'all always do, and I'm grateful. Its almost like having my own little cheerleading section, which is awesome.

*****

Valentine's Day. Yet another day for Mom to spend a ton of money on treats and cards for every single one of the girls' friends and watch everyone else get bling and flowers and candy and crap. On a more positive note:

I truly hope all of you have a wonderful Valentine's Day and get all kinds of flowers and candy and bling and crap.

I actually got tagged. The New Journals Game...

2006-01-30T09:11:00.000-08:00

I know. Most of us don't need more journals to read, but this was really kinda fun. I swear its like feeding an addiction, but give it a shot if you've got some time.

My new friend Kath tagged me to play this meet new people game - rules are here. From her entry:

Start in your own journal . . .
In your "links to other journals" click on someone, I don't care who it is or how you picked them, close your eyes and point if you must. Read their latest entry, then leave them a comment, let them know they are involved in this little game and leave a link back to your journal.

NOW . . .
From the random journal you selected to be in, click on someone in their "links to other journals," and once again read their latest entry, leave them a comment, let them know they are involved in this little game and leave a link back to your journal. . .

THEN . . .
From that journal go to their "links to other journals," (try to pick someone you don't recognize . . . if they don't have links, go back a step and pick someon new . . . be smart. . . and blah blah blah blah . . . you get the point . . . do this 15 times . . . or how every many you have time for, and if you are an over achiever shoot for 20. :)

I only had time for 10 (I'm working, people!! Well...sorta anyway...)

Here's where I went:

With My Hands Tied Behind My Back

The Darkest Desert <--a fellow New Mexican! How cool!!

Is There Really Life Out There?

Reflections of Ari

Singing With My Heart

Dust Bunny Club of North America

Aurora Walking Vacation

Ride Along With Me

Public Thoughts

Keeping the Weight OFF

UPDATE: Some people don't have "other journals" listed (PAUL!), so I cheated and pulled links from comments.

I stole this from Chuck

2006-01-23T12:48:00.000-08:00

I stole this from my favorite egghead, cuz I love him like that. He's adorable. I am officially tagging my own self, because I am really that pathetic.

1. Name four jobs that you've had.

Party Hostess - at Pistol Pete's Pizza all through high school. Think Chuck E. Cheese without the scary puppets. It was fun as heck and the uniform was cute.

Pizza Delivery Driver/Manager - for two years. Sheer hell. I'd tell you the name of the chain but I'd get sued. It was horrible, and they treat their employees like crap. I guess it didn't help that I was pregnant for the last 9 months of my stint there. The worst tips I got were from rich people while extremely pregnant...the best tips I got were from poor people in the projects. Go figure. This is why I'm a notoriously good tipper - been there, done that. Those people earn like $3-4 an hour and get a whopping 25 cents per delivery for fuel, wear and tear and insurance - cut them a break. <rant complete>

Residency Program Coordinator - I worked for a Dermatology Residency Program and loved it. I miss my residents!! I miss the thrill of match day!! It gave me an all new perspective on the human aspect of physicians. They're not gods - not by a long shot. They're a whole different breed, kinda like engineers. ::ducking::

Gas Station Attendant - Not fun. Pity those people. They work hard for lousy pay. Be nice to them - I bet most of them have great stories to tell. (I do!)

2. Four Movies You'd Watch Over and Over

Twister. I love Helen Hunt's hair in that movie, and her love interest...(what's his name??) sure looked good in them thar jeans.

Practical Magic. I know its a chick flick, but I just love Sandra Bullock. She's my choice to play me in my life story - gorgeous and great at slapstick. (I'm a spaz)

My Neighbor Totoro. I love cartoons, and I really love "animated features" by this particular Japanese director (Hayao Miyazaki). Rent them all, even if you don't have children. The animation is amazing.

Gone With The Wind. Its a classic. Shaddap.

3. Four Places You Have Lived.

Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Peralta (suburb of Albuqurque), and...oh yeah ALBUQUERQUE. (Yes my life is pure boredom. This is why I live vicariously through you people.)

4. Four TV Shows You Love To Watch.

I hate TV. It has to serve some purpose, or I'm not watching it. That being said, I'm become fascinated with successful weight loss stories on Discovery Health, as well as their plastic surgery shows. (Yeah I'm weird) I also like Sponge Bob. (told ya) Oh, and I watch the news....and, I've recently become addicted to Related just because Em likes it.

5. Four Places You've Been on Vacation.

Hopefully I can come up with four. I'm a mom on a limited budget.

New Orleans (pre-hurricane) - absolutely beautiful city that I think I left my heart in. I hope it can be rebuilt to pre-hurricane awesomeness. Hopefully people won't forget that they still need help there. And yes, I'm still going to live there someday, even if its only for a little while.

Carlsbad, NM - Go see the caverns if you're ever down my way. Absolutely amazing stuff.

Victor, CO - spooky little ghost town that my Aunt Dodie owns a summer home in. That's the first and last haunted house I ever plan to spend the night in. (eek)

Chama, NM - rode the little narrow gauge train up there. That was a hoot, but the food was expensive and not so good.

6. Four Foods You Love To Eat.

Chiles Rellenos. Come visit me and I'll treat you to a mouthful of heaven. Whole green chiles, stuffed with cheese, batter dipped and fried, smothered with more chile (red or green) and more cheese. The bomb diggity.

Warm Sopaipillas with Honey. - enough said.

Neo Classico Paninni from Saggio's. Roasted tomatoes, mozzarella, pesto sauce, focaccia bread. Dayum.

Mom's spaghetti that she hasn't made in 16 years. Yep, I still remember.

7. Four Places You'd Rather Be Right Now.

Home. I like it there. I'm not in my house enough.

New Orleans. Still miss it; don't care that it needs a little TLC right now.

Jemez Wilderness - sitting next to that waterfall on a warmer day.

Grandma's House, just because I miss it.

OKAY it is henceforth declared that whosoever reads this entry is hereinafter considered tagged with no further notice or action necessary on the part of the declaree. Just do it, its fun.

There's a ghost in my bathroom.

2006-01-16T18:04:00.000-08:00

For real. I have no idea who, but they're there.

Four weeks ago I had a weird feeling about Alberto's jacket hanging in my foyer (in my bedroom) so I put it away. Since then, someone very bratty has taken over my shower. All my bathroom supplies (shampoo, conditioner, razor, soap, body wash, sponge and exfoliator) mysteriously fell from their respective spots in the shower onto the shower floor, all at once. Thank goodness I was in the front of the house or I would have peed myself at all the noise all of the sudden. It made me pucker a little as it was.

Now it seems the fun thing to do is to turn the water in the shower on just enough to wake me up around 2-3 AM. Each night. I wish he'd remember we were in a drought situation and I get fined for over usage. Its just as easy to turn that darn water on during the day when I don't get so annoyed. I crank those things tight before I get out of the shower each night, and for the past few nights the water's not only dripping, its ON. The carpeting in front of the enclosure was soaked last night thanks to this little game.

My daughter was in my bedroom watching TV not too long ago and she felt someone sit next to her. Half asleep at the time, she figured it was one of the little dogs and reached down to pet him/her and realized nothing was there. I got a panicky call from the bathroom that day, too.

The bathroom's freezing too. Not see-your-breath freezing, but its cold. I wake up cold and feel like someone's there and I have to turn on Bugs Bunny or something to make the feeling go away.

So, mental note to the ghost in my bathroom: There's kinder ways to be bratty that don't involve interrupting my cherished few hours of sleep. Can't we pencil you in for say...7PM or something?

Any of y'all have spooks in your house? I'm just not sure how to deal with this.

Purgables: Nervous Ticks, Weight Loss and Mice on Fire

2006-01-11T18:23:00.000-08:00

My eye...is twitching....again. Uncontrollably. And I feel like EVERYONE can see it, because it feels to me like I'm having these petit mal seizures all day. Its really plexing me.

******

Over the holidays I gained a little over 3 lbs and fell off the wagon with a thud. :::THUD::: I've discovered that I'm completely addicted to sugar. Its very similar to an addict relapsing, with the profound difference being that addicts can stop using without dying. I can't stop eating. It started with a corner of a sugar cookie, and went completely downhill from there. Sugar cookies, chocolate chip cookies, fudge, pies, and that yummy creamy cherry jello stuff. I suppose that's fine for a day or two, but then I couldn't stop. It just kept spiralling out of control until I hit my Weight Watchers meeting last week. I went in to face the music, knowing it would snap me out of my stupidity, and it did. I'm back on track - I lost 2.6 lbs this week - and just need to lose .4 lbs to get back to where I was before my binge.

A small hiccup on the way, I suppose. I've decided I'm going to try to reach my goal weight by August-September. I'm determined. I'm gonna do it this time. I have to, because I threw out all my fat clothes.

*****

This week's weird news once again gave everyone tangible proof that New Mexico indeed deserves its ranking as one of the stupidest states in the country with the tale of the burning mouse. Yes, its a true story. Yes, it happened here. The story goes that a man, disgusted with his home's mouse infestation, purchased those icky mouse traps that consist of much sticky glue on a piece of cardboard. The reason why those things are so horrible is because the mouse LIVES ON, and you have to either have the gutspa to kill the poor little thing or wait for it to starve to death. Its not humane. Anyway, apparently this man didn't think it through very well because he purchased one of those icky things and didn't realize the mouse would live once it got stuck to this thing.

So, he did what no one else would have ever thought of. He took the poor creature outside, placed it on top of some other leaves and debris he was planning on burning (more proof he wasn't too bright - there is a HUGE ever-increasing fire danger that everyone and their mom has been discussing the past two months!!). He lit the entire concoction on fire, without concern for the mouse, or the fire danger.

Now let's ponder this for a moment, shall we? A quarter inch or so of icky sticky glueish stuff stuck to a cardboard plate...when it heats up, it will MELT. So, the poor little mouse is on fire and suddenly freed from his horrible inhumane trap when he does what any living thing on fire would do - he runs like mad. Here's where karma kicks in. He runs right into the man's house, catching it on fire, and destroying all the man's worldly possessions.

Only in New Mexico.

We've had mice before, and I know they're not pleasant, amazingly destructive and downright dangerous, but I still couldn't use those sticky pad things. You keep your house clean, keep the grain for the horse far away from the house (that one's important), and you set traps. I hate killing the poor little things, but if its between the poor little cute mouse and my daughter contracting the Hanta Virus...sorry little guy, you're history.

I'd never light him on fire though.

******

School starts up again on Tuesday and as usual I'm nowhere near ready. I keep telling myself this is the last one. The last semester. Unless...

Unless I talk myself into graduate school. A year and a half in the Executive MBA program. Fridays and Saturdays for a year.

Still pondering that one.

*****

Emily's birthday is Monday. My baby's gonna be 15! Makes me feel old....yeah Mr. Mortimer, I caved. I got it. You knew I would.

That's about it for now. Have a wonderful ThursdayFridaySaturdaySunday until I can post again.

From the "Its a Small World Afterall" File...

2006-01-09T19:41:00.000-08:00

A PSA courtesy of the editorial staff at The Daily Purge.

Something that made my heart beep today (as my little one says)...

Some of you may remember me dancing crazily upon hearing the news of passing my CCFP exam. Well, as it turns out, my little blog is pretty Googlable. I got a very nice e-mail from someone pretty high up on the CCFP food chain today, asking me for feedback on the credential and the exam process. He found me, and this, via a Technorati search.

Turns out, he's a real sweetheart (thank goodness) and had some great insight on the Atkins diet as well as weight loss in general. As promised, I take back my "fad diet" designation for Dr. Atkins' original plan. I still say its not real life, however. He really was a joy to talk to, and he also helped me be not so embarassed about my little journal space.

Anyway, my point (and I do have one) is

THOU SHALT BE CAREFUL WHAT THOU BLOGGETH ABOUT

...especially if you have a career you're working very hard to build. A secondary point might be

THOU SHALT KNOW AND UNDERSTAND THY AUDIENCE

You establish your journal, your baby, with a certain audience in mind (friends, family, friends of friends of friends), often forgetting that there's a big fat cyberspace world out there that's made exponentially smaller by things like Google and Technorati. As hard as I try to separate my career from the other aspects of my life, its really pretty impossible. Its all me. I just have to be very careful and try to watch my very opinionated mouth a little. (JUST A LITTLE!) Hee.

PSA Concluded. Have a beautiful day.

Tag I'm It-Five Things That Drive Me Crazy

2006-01-06T20:15:00.000-08:00

Tag, I'm it. My new friend NENA tagged me (thank you! no one ever tags me! sniff!!). Object of the game: Five things that drive me crazy.

1. LIARS.

Do not lie to me, or be fake with me, or try to soften the blow, or give me "white lies" (even though there's no such thing) or be anything other than completely honest at all times. Do not try to protect my feelings, just tell me how it is. Think of it this way - if you never lie, you'll never have to remember anything. Liars have to have excellent memories as well as the sociopathic capability to completely disregard other peoples' feelings. I can't STAND being lied to. There is no justification. Rant complete.

2. MESSY SILVERWARE DRAWERS.

Yanno, they make those little organizers with form-fitting slots for a reason. I absolutely hate opening my silverware drawer and finding absolute chaos in there. My kids are famous for using the quick dump method when unloading the dishwasher. Honestly, how long would it take to put them in the little slots???

3. RUDE, MEAN, GROUCHY, NASTY PEOPLE

Life is entirely too short. Angry nasty people should be put on an island so they can be nasty by themselves, and stop polluting my aura.

4. RUDE, MEAN, GROUCHY, NASTY PEOPLE IN CARS

For some reason they get bolder in cars. Sometimes I wish I had heat seeking missile capabilities in mine to eliminate the planet of RMGNP and their aura polluting grouchiness.

5. BAD PARENTS

If you don't love/want/like your kids...please let someone else out there do a better job, or better yet don't spawn to begin with. There are tons of people out there that are just dying to love and nurture a child. Let them do it. I want to strangle people when I hear of little toddlers getting lost in WalMarts, or when I see a naked, barefoot baby playing near the street when its 35 degrees outside...take care of them, they're our angels sent from Heaven .

That's it!! I swear that might have been a little hormone-induced.

TAGGED:

Kat

Jude

Mortimer

Carol

Whoever else wants to play...

Nipple Acrage.

2006-01-04T18:53:00.000-08:00

I shared this with Le already, but I felt the need to gross out the entire community.

Quote of the Moment:

There are 71.9 acres of nipple tissue in the United States.

Ew.

Before and After

2005-12-27T18:17:00.000-08:00

Before! You know you don't realize how really out of control you've gotten until you see a pic of yourself...(moo!)

Now, this is more like it - with my girls (and solo) on Christmas Eve...

And, wayyyy too late Christmas Eve...I am so not missing my extra chin.

Politically Correct Holiday Wishes

2005-12-21T18:05:00.000-08:00

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all."

Additionally,

A fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great, (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only "AMERICA" in the western hemisphere), and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, or sexual preference of the wisher."

(Disclaimer: By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher who assumes no responsibility for any unintended emotional stress these greetings may bring to those not caught up in the holiday spirit.)

The Spaceport

2005-12-14T18:14:00.000-08:00

Yeah, 50. 50!!

Okay, enough about that.

****

Seems our illustrious governor has decided New Mexico needs a space port. Shoot, we already have Roswell, why not drop another $200M on a spaceport? Aliens = space travel. (?)

Some British entrepreneurs (namely Virgin Galactic - yeah, Sir Richard Branson of Virgin Everythingelse fame.) have decided that a spaceport would do quite nicely out in the middle of southern New Mexico somewhere, yanno way out there by Truth or Consequences or something. Here's the scoop:

For a measely $200,000 (and that's 10% deposit up front mind you), YOU can take a minutes-long trip into space, where you'll feel quite weightless and floaty, and then you come back down to Earth. Over 33,000 people have put a deposit down on their mini missions, totalling about $10M. They plan to take 500 up the first year, and eventually grow to 10,000 a year, with an expected 5,000 astronauts in the next five years.

(image used with permission)

Apparently New Mexico is also planning on hosting the X Prize Cup competition, which will be held annually at our new spaceport. This is supposed to put New Mexico on the map. Virgin won the X Prize Cup last year, and the $10M prize. So away we go...

On top of all that, I just found out we have an official Office of Space Commericialization that was established in 1994 just for this purpose. I wondered where all our tax dollars were going. (Besides our ex-treasurer's slush fund, that is!)

New Mexico is one of the poorest states in the country. There are still more head of cattle than people here, and our cost of living is ENORMOUS as compared to our average wage. The poverty level is well over the national average, and consider all that entails (high crime rate, high domestic violence rate, high drop out rate, high teenage pregnancy rate...) I swear, this is still a mighty cool place to live and visit, but given that, we need to be awfully careful where we invest our tax dollars.

So...my thoughts?

First off, I have kids, I'm terrified of heights and I'm always broke, so space travel was obviously not meant for me.

Secondly, if it brings money here, improves our economy and whatnot, right on.

SIDENOTE: Its supposed to put New Mexico on the map, but most New Mexicans don't want to be on any map, which is why they became New Mexicans in the first place. (I know, that made zero sense, but I swear its true.) Some people like to keep rural areas... well, rural.

BUT (there's always a but) I certainly hope that with this ENORMOUS cash outlay funded by our taxpayers, that there's going to be a huge benefit - to education, specifically.

Okay now - of course I want to know what y'all think - would you go up, if you had the $200K? Even if it was only for half an hour? You get a video to show the grandkids, if that helps.

505050505050505050505050505050505050

2005-12-13T19:10:00.000-08:00

I did it!

As of 6:00 PM I've officially lost 50.2 lbs!

I'd like to thank all my friends and family who've so graciously put up with me through this whole ordeal. No, its not over, but this milestone is HUGE and I've worked awfully hard.

Shopping spree this weekend!!!!!

Finals, they are approaching...

2005-11-30T07:32:00.000-08:00

The next two weeks mark the end of the semester for me (THANK GAWD) but that also means the two words college students hate to utter:

*FINALS WEEK*

I've got a 16 page project due and two finals to take. In other words, I'll be kinda scarce until they're over.

Wish me luck!

Some more gratitude.

2005-11-25T20:29:00.000-08:00

At the suggestion of my very best friend, I decided to update the "All About Me" pic. I can't tell much difference, but the other was about 30 pounds ago, so voila! Y'all decide. I'm so UNphotogenic, or I'd post a full body shot for comparison. Maybe I can get her to take one I actually approve of...

Le swung by the oriface Wednesday afternoon and made my day. See, she hasn't seen me since June, and it was pretty cool to hear her reaction. So yeah, thanks Le. You still rock. Y'all realize she gets the "Very Best Friend" title for a reason.

*~squooge!~*

Another note of gratitude without invading too much privacy (I hope!). I received a wonderful e-mail from someone who'd stumbled upon my journal and an entry that touched him, and I really was humbled by his response. It was one of those entries I call "selfish" (meaning I was hurting and needed to spout about it), but it really meant something to him and it was awesome hearing that. I hope I've made yet another friend with this space. Thank you, Mr B. Thank you so much.

That's it for now. You guys let me know if you see any difference. I ain't seein' it!

Nite!

Happy Thanksgiving (early)

2005-11-22T19:07:00.000-08:00

Yeah, we still have a lot to be thankful for. Here's mine (in no particular order):

- I lost another pound and a half, and even though I didn't hit my 50 lb mark, I'm still at 49.6 lbs lost and darnit that's pretty close. (Next week I'll get there FOR SURE!!)

- My bigger baby, Emily, made it through her oral surgery just fine and as Le said, now I get to baby her for a few days.

- Fuel prices are dropping.

- I have a decent home and I like being in it.

- I have wonderful children who I enjoy spending every spare moment with.

- I still have colorful paperclips at work, and now I have colorful clippies for large amounts of paper. (hee)

- I still have my space here, as smudged as it is by stupid effing ads. DON'T CLICK THEM.

- I have many wonderful supportive friends who I love very much. Thanks for being here.

- I have my little angel puppies who bring me much joy and happiness.

- I have the best job I've ever ever had and the best boss in the whole world.

- I haven't had a severe asthma attack since October 2002 - I enjoy not being in the hospital every few months. Air is good.

- I am relatively healthy, and so are the people I care about.

- I have a nice car, thanks to the bossman.

- I'm no longer considered obese, and have dropped 5 dress sizes in a year.

- My kids are happy and laugh a lot.

- My home network is working. Sorta.

- I was able to get a decent manicure.

- I have a comfy bed, clothes, shelter and food.

I'm sure there's more (tons more!) but I can't think of them right now. Besides, I need to go baby my baby.

Please drop some by in the comments. This place has had so much negative energy lately, it'll do us good to express some gratitude.

Oh, and Happy Thanksgiving!!

tap tap tap

2005-11-21T18:49:00.000-08:00

So....anyone out there still? Life sure sucks without the convenience of alerts. Bloglines is pretty cool, and I'm adding journal sites gradually. I still miss all the alerts in my box.

Purgables:

Harry Potter rocked. The best one yet, I reckon. Go see it.

Em's having some pretty intense oral surgery tomorrow at 4:30, positive vibes appreciated. I know its only dentistry, but its being done by a specialist and she's going under general anesthesia, and I'm a mom.

I lost another 2 lbs, so I'm down 48 lbs to date (give or take). Found the first "little black dress" I've been able to pull off in 9 years - a whopping 5 sizes smaller than a year ago, and actually got a LOT of positive response from that. The best thing is that I got LBD for under $50. Booyah!

AOL gets an official boogerflick for their lamebutt attempt at appeasement, coming in the form of a disclaimer they'll add to the top of our journals. Apparently this disclaimer will say we in no way endorse the flashing obnoxious advertisements at the top of our journal space. Clue: not only do we not endorse, but we'll never click and we'll never purchase from any of the advertisers. As soon as I see them up there, they go on "the list" of those I'll never buy from. Sorry, y'all will have to do better than that.

!!Please don't click the ads at the top of my journal page!!

I think the furor's dying down a bit now that everyone's GONE ... I just hate this silence. Hate. It. Send me your links!!

yeah, I know the ads are still here...

2005-11-20T18:50:00.000-08:00

This place is like a ghost town. Four (4!) alerts all weekend. It stinks. What stinks even more is without the convenience of alerts, I simply don't have time to go visit 20+ journals each day. I'm learning bloglines, but y'all know that's not the same.

I've decided I'll keep The Purge purgin' on for the time being, and if it turns your stomach to visit, you can check out the mirror site at Happy Delusions (on my favorites list).

Yeah, call me a sellout or a jerk or a wimp or whatever, but I've honestly got bigger fish to fry. I sat down and pondered it, and I'm simply not ready to stop Purgin here. In the grand scheme of things, you just have to ask yourself "How important is it?". Yanno, with AIDS awareness, gay rights, human rights, people hungry in my little town, this STUPID war that no one wanted...2" x 4" ad banners...There are bigger and more important things to get uppidy about.

Go ahead, keep getting pissed. I've done my bit and I'll continue the letter writing, e-mail writing, commenting and raising my fist in the air because it really isn't cool what they've done. I'll just fight the good fight in a more passive-aggressive way than some of my more vocal friends.

Blogspot's great, mind you, but its not home. I'm hoping (praying) that the AOL losers who implemented this dirty little plan will become enlightened and change their ways. I'm also praying that this hiatus will be temporary. Yes, forever the optimist.

Meanwhile, I'll save y'all a place on the couch, and I'll keep your spot warm.

...and I hope you'll keep coming by.

Love you,

sort of mirror entry here.

Yeah, I'm here still (for now)

2005-11-16T12:26:00.000-08:00

I'm just sort of biding my time, giving AOL a chance to fix this mess. I hate drama, I really do. I hate that everyone's leaving. I think the whole thing sucks rocks.

So my blogspot journal link is in my favorites, but here it is as well. Its been there forever as a mirror site (just in case AOL farted, as its been prone to do). I really hope we don't have to resort to that.

THE PURGE ON BLOGSPOT: http://thedailypurge.blogspot.com

TAKE THE ADS DOWN!! How hard can it be, honestly? Take them down. Just do it. NOW, before we lose more people.

Until then, its gonna be awful quiet around here...

...anyone know how to get journal alerts for off-AOL journals? If so, drop me a line and let me know. Thanks!

Secrets

2005-11-14T18:32:00.000-08:00

All secrets are deep. All secrets become dark. That's in the nature of secrets.: Cory Doctorow, Someone Comes To Town, Someone Leaves Town, 2005
American science fiction writer

A dear friend of mine has journalled about a certain point in time when she realized her marriage wasn't as solid as she'd always believed. It was at the exact time when something dreadful was revealed to her. A rude awakening of sorts, as she watched her now ex-husband sitting on the end of their bed telling her what broke her heart. A secret he'd kept for a while.

I'm a firm believer in the philosophy that secrets are detrimental to relationships. Secrets are just lies disguised as silence. I believe that if there's something you can't tell your loved one, for whatever reason, its a bad thing. Affairs are secrets. Addictions are secrets. Bad things are kept secret. Secrets destroy, and secrets can only bring harm.

A marriage is much like a business partnership. An agreement that your lives will be melded together as one. There is nothing that should be kept from one another. Period. If a secret is allowed to fester and grow unchecked, it will overshadow the relationship and undermine everything the vows were based on.

My children have been brought up with the credo, "No secrets in this house." Think about grade school, when you heard children whispering and giggling and you were sure it was about you. How did that make you feel? My children have been taught to be kind to others, and to respect our household. No secrets. Period. Its a great way to gauge behavior and make choices as well - if its something you'll have to hide, its something you shouldn't be doing. Surprises are completely different than secrets. Obviously if you know what Daddy's getting for Christmas, its okay to keep that under wraps because its a surprise. There is a difference.

I live by this philosophy. My husband knows everything about my life; every small aspect, every minute detail. When my children ask me a question, they know I'll answer truthfully. They know I keep nothing from them, ever. From the time they were little, I wanted them to know and understand that Mom will tell them the truth, that they can count on me, and that will never change.

Well, tonight was one of those "defining moments":

Let me explain how that felt. Immediately I understood my place - way far below what I assumed it should be. I understood that my feelings, regardless of how much value I placed on honesty and openness, mattered little. Yeah, I understood my place. My rank if you will. Yeah...way down there.

I understood everything, and I understood instantly.

Ouch.

So to my friend, and you know who you are...

Lets light a fire tonight and let go. I'll toss all the secrets in there, and you toss all the items you've been storing, and let it burn, let it go. No garage sales, no advice columns, lets just do it. Watch it burn, watch the smoke disappear... taking all the hurt with it.

Wanna?

CarnivAOL

2005-11-12T08:58:00.000-08:00

Paul just e-mailed me about CarnivAOL, and the latest installment is posted. I just love blog carnivals - the smell of fried foods, the bright lights, the laughter and cheap entertainment....

GO. LOOK. NOW. <--click there.

I decided (after some urging) to post my Weight Loss Junk entry there, and the other submissions are most excellent.

Paul works awfully hard getting these together, so....

THANK YOU PAUL!

Much hugs and stuff. For real.

Now go read guys! Hours of blogosphere enjoyment, conveniently located in one well designed entry - with no commercial interruptions.

Have a glorious weekend!!

(I'm off to finish my 61 page tax return project!)

muah!

An Appropriate E-mail I Had To Share...

2005-11-07T10:47:00.000-08:00

A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.

For example, if she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.

However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with scissors lodged in his temple and tape over his mouth while he is on fire.

No further studies are expected.

Busted...

2005-11-03T18:32:00.000-08:00

As many of you know I'm an accounting nerd, which translates to conservative dork on most days, but I'd like to think I don't fit the mold. Perhaps I need to start behaving myself a little.

The other day I'm zipping along in my company-provided sports car jamming to Missy Elliott. I mean jamming. I love the song, I can't help it, so I was singing and car dancing. Yes, car dancing. You kinda dance as much as you can while restricted by the automobile and the seat belt. Bopping is a good word for it.

So I'm at a stop light and I'm bopping, arms up, head moving... when I look to my right and see some colleagues (CPAs) in the car next to me, mouths agape.

!!!

So I turn my head slowly forward, lower my arms, and turn my head once again to the right. This time both colleagues are hysterically laughing, snorting and pointing.

I'll never live this one down.

Missy Elliott :The Cookbook :'Lose Control'

Attitude Adjustment

2005-10-30T15:53:00.000-08:00

I decided my weekend would be spent on adjusting my attitude. I've been WAY too negative lately. I really do have a lot to be grateful for, and I love this time of year!

So here's to pumpkin carving, hay rides, corn mazes, candy corn and attitude adjustments. I just needed a reminder. This is what its all about.

Happy Halloween everyone!

Journaling and Selfishness and pfft.

2005-10-26T15:45:00.000-07:00

A few days ago, I posted a heart-felt journal entry about stuff and things that I'm going through. I honestly didn't mean to stir up as much dust as I did, but the response I received warrants a response in kind.

As many of my friends have said, our journals are for us. They can be whatever we need them to be. Journalling has become a very valuable tool for me, and serves many purposes. I can keep in touch with my friends, I can post goofy things, I can put up pics of my beautiful daughters... but the purpose behind me posting my marital issues was two-fold:

First, (and I've done this for the longest time) its helpful for me in emotionally intense situations to get things down in writing. This helps me form my thoughts, get things into perspective, and vent when communications are failing otherwise. I used to do this in letter form and throw the letters away. Now I can do it here, and get feedback. I'm one of those that truly wants to know if she's being ridiculous.

Second, sometimes we need to open things up to group. We need the "Girlfriend Factor". So no, you don't know the whole story, but it still helps to know you're here. Maybe that's a girl thing, but I love the fact that I've got people in my life who back me up.

The comment was made that perhaps people should print out their journal entries so the sig other can read them, to spark communication. Trust me, in my situation everyone knows exactly what the issues are. He knows where my journal is, he's fully aware of what's going on - these entries are for my personal edification, not to start arguments. Lord knows we've had enough of those lately. This is our space - a safe place to spew, whine, cry or goof about whatever we want.

Besides, when I open up to group I get totally awesome friends stepping in to remind me just how much I love this man and why. (Thanks Amy!)

Thank you all for the hugs and the squooge. I really really REALLY needed that.

*****

On a totally different note...TOTALLY different, trust me.

I'm a shoe whore. I love shoes. Anyway I just bought a brand new pair of black leather boots and wore them to work and I just couldn't understand why they hurt so badly. They were tight and hard to walk in, and I was generally bummed. I walk a lot during the day, and if your shoes hurt it is not a good thing. Makes for grumpy Krisses. Bad.

Now these boots are hot, let me tell you. Black is one of my favorite colors, and these are sexy. Plus, they're semi-comfortable and look cute with jeans, AND I can wear them to work because the coordinate nicely with other stuff. (I can wear my goofy tacky socks with them too, and no one knows.)

Anyway, I digress.

So I went home, took them off, and left them for a few days. The next time I tried them on, I felt something funky inside. Turns out I never pulled out the little cardboard insert thingies they stick in there for whatever reason.

(What is that for anyway - so they don't get squished, or so they don't look dorky in the box??)

So, yes, I'm still the same goofy dorky Kris. Last year about this time I was going to work all day, attending meetings and going to class with my shirt on inside out. I also almost went to work with my shower towel on my head. (Thank you, Louie!)

This year, I'm wearing cardboard inserts in my shoes. Its all good.

Y'all can thank Louie for this entry - when I told him about the boot thing, (after he finished guffawing) he suggested I put it in my journal. So there you go.

<<---Whoa, Check it out!

2005-10-26T14:18:00.000-07:00

I made it to 10,000 and no one claimed responsibility!!

Yeah, so I'm a counter addict, and I'm entirely blown away by the 10,000 thing.

Simple minds, simple pleasures, I imagine.

Blah. Another completely selfish journal entry.

2005-10-20T08:30:00.000-07:00

So often I wonder how two totally different people have made it together for such a long time. 17 years age difference, totally different upbringing, completely different moral standards, different cultural backgrounds...all of the things people say shouldn't matter, but eventually they always do.

Opposites attract, people say. Well yeah, I guess they do, but for how long?

How long is the learning curve? How long do you make allowances for completely different outlooks on life?

What do you do when you're so completely different, you sometimes wonder why you're still together?

Her: Outgoing, young(er), optimistic, goofy, completely against illegal drug use of any kind, goes out of her skin if she has to stay inside an entire day, thinks of sitting around watching TV all day as torture, needs to constantly be doing at least 10 things at any given time, HATES being alone, craves constant stimulation, would just as soon cut her own hand off than steal from another person, and loves spending every spare moment with her children.

Him: Reserved, quiet, old(er), shy, dark cloudish, somewhat liberal moral standards, loves being inside watching the same set of 10 movies over and over, hates being anywhere but home, loves zoning out and sleeping, and enjoys spending time alone.

So now what.

I'll tell you: 11+ years of trying to make things work, compromise, patience, and more compromise until the compromising causes resentment.

Angry words, hurt feelings, complete communication breakdown, and silence.

...and still we tread on. Why? I have two reasons, both with beautiful brown eyes and worry on their faces.

Tomorrow's another day.

Hit me with some good news, please...

2005-10-17T19:53:00.000-07:00

Some people I know are perfectly content discussing the end of the world as we know it, based on current events - natural disasters and the like. The trouble is, they love to do this in front of my children. So now I get questions like, "How do we know that the world is going to explode in 2012?"

So, I just tell them what I know. I am not entirely sure the rapture is going to happen in 2012. As a matter of fact, I'm not sure that's what's going on at all. I think we're doing relatively okay, and they just need to be happy in their own little worlds for now. Even if the End Times were here...please don't tell my little 8 year old all about the fiery pits of hell and how the dead will rise again, or she'll end up sleeping with mama again.

Sheesh people - push your apocolypse somewhere else, okay? Leave the spirituality to her parents. Honestly.

Then I had to go and rent Farenheit 911 and watch it for the first time this weekend, and cry like a baby. I put it off for all this time because I knew it would piss me off, and it did. It didn't do a lot of good to watch that - it just sort of cemented what I was afraid to believe for a long time, which ended up being rather depressing.

That being said - someone leave me a bit of GOOD news. Does anyone have any??

Yeah, the economy sucks and these disasters are kicking our butts, but I have to believe all is not lost. I think we're going to be okay. Any one else willing to toss some optimism my way?

Please?

I know Freee made it to Yoga (almost!!) . I know Kat lost more weight. I know Andrea has a hall pass from brain activity (I want one!) ... There's gotta be something else. Anything.

Weight Loss Junk - Stuff That's Worked For Me.

2005-10-11T19:40:00.000-07:00

Crazy how a girl's outlook on life can change dramatically with the news that she's lost another 3.2 lbs, for a grand total of 46.2 (at Weight Watchers - I lost 10-15 before that I didn't keep track of too well).

A few people, (well, mostly Raven) have asked me how I've done so well. Kris' weight loss success, in 10 easy steps:

First, get pissed. Get real tired of being treated differently because you're overweight. Get tired of sleeping horribly, wearing crappy looking clothes, feeling ugly, and feeling tired all the time. Hold on to the determination and perservere. Make a commitment to yourself and stick to it. Find anything you can to remind you and keep you focused. I happen to use my wedding ring - its very loose now and that's what reminds me of how far I've come. I am NOT going back.

Second, skip the fads. Nutrasweet, Jenny Craig, Atkins, SlimFast, the Grapefruit Diet, the Cabbage Soup Diet, the Flavor of the Week Diet, the liquid fasts...fill in the blank..... Let me save you a couple of thousand dollars - it won't work unless it teaches you how to eat real life food in real life situations. You're not going to haul prepackaged food with you for the rest of your life, or a shake, or a grapefruit, or whatever. You'll lose it, but you'll gain it back and it'll bring friends. Plus, a lot of those things will leave you malnutritioned and ill. (Like gout, ill.) It took you several years to put the weight on, it'll take awhile to get it off. Quick fixes don't work, unless you're willing to risk your life and many thousands of dollars on gastric bypass.

Third, lose the cola. All of it, but especially diet cola. I swear I HATE admitting this out loud, but this weight would have been gone years ago if I'd have known that. (I miss it soooo much!)

Fourth, keep track of what you eat. Every BLT (bite, lick, taste). You'll be surprised. You say, "But I don't eat that much!". Trust me honey, you do. Then, find out what you're supposed to be eating and make sure what you consume is under that calorie level. Check out usda.gov for specifics. Lower fat, follow the food pyramid, keep the sugar to a minimum. Don't bulk up on any one thing - if you can't eat like real people, something's wrong.

Fifth, drink tons and I do mean tons of water. I drink about 160 ounces while I'm at work, and more while I'm at home. Squeeze some limes into it, drink the Dansani flavored stuff - whatever it takes.

Sixth, eat breakfast. Not pancakes and biscuits and gravy, but something good for you. A bowl of cereal, a cup of yogurt or a piece of fruit. Eat something.

Seventh, exercise. Burn more calories than you eat. Even walking 15 minutes. Play with your kids. Hide the remote. Do something. Move. I know it sucks, and its hard and it hurts at first. Keep at it. What they don't tell you (or maybe they do) is that once you do it for a while you start to crave it. It starts to make you feel amazing. You start sleeping better. You have more energy to do more things. I can now do 3 flights of stairs without passing out. That's huge! You do NOT have to go to the gym and lament over all the beautiful women with butt floss walking around - find something you like. Start by parking the car farther, just do something.

Eighth, refocus. If you're truly starving, eat, but try to figure it out first. Are you bored? Get up and walk around. Drink some water. Still hungry? Wait 20 minutes. STILL hungry? Eat, but eat something healthy, bulky, and preferably raw and preferably vegetable.

Ninth, become a grazer. Eat little amounts, often. I probably eat 6 or 7 times a day. Don't eat after 7 or 8 PM if you can help it, and make lunch bigger than dinner.

Tenth, find a friend to support you, or find a group to do it with. Don't try to do it alone unless you're a hermit. There's lots of free weight loss groups out there, and Weight Watchers is pretty reasonable.

DISCLAIMER: I am by no means an authority on this issue, other than the fact that I've been overweight since my second daughter was born 8 1/2 years ago, and downright fat until I got my asthma under control. I hit a plateau this summer and gave up diet coke, and its been downhill ever since.

I'm always looking for comiserators, or for sources of support, so please feel free to e-mail me anytime. Also, check out Kat on my favorites list - she's reached her goal already and may have much more to add (feel free, Kat!)

Freeform word vomit

2005-10-10T18:26:00.000-07:00

...because Andrea said it was cool to do this stuff, and reminded me who this journal was for - ME!

*****

SoI'm sitting here, frustrated as hell, mad at myself, hormones raging, head aching and heart pumping ...for what. Its that whole deferred gratification thing. Yeah, swimming and swimming and treading water and getting swept back out into the abyss and for what. Deferred gratification. I'm always working for that thing, if I can just get here or do that or once I get here I'll be okay but lately I never am.

The funny thing - hilarious, even - is that the only one I have to blame for my flood of responsibility is me. I work so hard to please everyone, including myself, and my life should be so damn good I need to stop feeling sorry for myself.

Is that a female thing? Never being satisfied with any current situation? Always requiring just one thing to complain about? It could be something as simple as the ambient temperature, or the way your phone rings all the time, or the way it doesn't...it could be the price of fuel, or the price of milk, or the price of weight loss programs...it could be the way you're always getting sucked in to some new volunteer thing for your kids, or how you miss having to volunteer at the school for your kids....or the way you're bored at work, or the way you're overwhelmed at work.

Are we just never satisfied?

Am I just never satisfied?

I'm realizing just now that maybe my constant unsatisfaction has some benefits. I wasn't satisfied with my marital situation the first time so I left. Yes, I handled it wrong, but I left. I wasn't satisfied making $7 an hour managing a Pizza Hut so I fixed it. I wasn't happy being 200+ pounds, so I fixed it - I'm still fixing. (I promise I'll post what works for me as soon as I can.) I wasn't happy working with my family so I found the best job I've ever had. Every significant change I'm responsible for was due to unsatisfaction of some sort.

So I take inventory regularly. I do have a job I love with the best boss ever. I have wonderful children. I have shelter, and food, and a great car and the means to provide for myself and my kids. I have wonderful squishable dogs that I love to pieces. I still enjoy cartoons and kid movies, and I love to laugh. We haven't experienced any horrific natural disasters in New Mexico - I have so much to be grateful for. Life.. is good. I'm not one of those pessimistic black-cloud-over-everything types of people. I need to love and laugh and live and everything else. Life...is good.

Given that, what the hell is wrong with me? Why am I constantly unsatisfied with everything? Why must I always have one unsettling thing in my life - a stumbling block or obstacle - why must I always have to focus all my energy on whatever thing until its gone and I find a new unsatisfactory thing in my life?

Stuff. Is. Not. That. Bad.

Maybe its the ADHD, maybe its the Gemini in me - I'm always seeking new interests or new stimulation from somewhere. Whether its a dangerous addiction to someone who I know is bad for me and my heart (I liken this individual to the snake in the Jungle Book - just like Pamela said about Tommy), or its a new hobby I'll throw tons of money at but never truly pursue, or if its a new college major. (I won't switch, I promise) I contantly crave new stimuli, and the assigned reading and coursework isn't doing it for me.

So here's my selfish, whiny, dorky journal entry. I'm going to shake this off, honest.

Purgin'

2005-10-05T16:14:00.000-07:00

I realize just how much my journal sucketh these days, and I miss it like crazy. Its just...well, its just everything. I'm getting there though, swimming, treading water, whatever it is. Slow and steady.

I was going to try and keep these purges to a minimum, and stick to the one-subject kinda entries, but when has that ever worked for me??

Never. So the randomosity continues...

****

A list of excuses for not journaling/being a better friend/exercising as much/sleeping as much/reducing my stress level:

CFMA Board Member

CFMA Community Service Committee

CFMA Salary Survey Committee

CFMA Banquet Committee

CFMA Chapter Awards Committee

NUCA Marketing/Membership Committee

Assistant Girl Scout Troop Leader

Full time controller for a busy construction firm

Half time student

Mom of two beautiful wonderful intelligent happy talented daughters

Now, please join me in saying "Kris will not take on any more crapola or volunteer her time for anything else until her plate empties a bit".

I am working on the word "No". I've danced around it, worked around it, tried to be nice about it. I'm spent.

Thank you. Thankyewverymuch.

****

Random question: Does anyone else think Bush's nominee for the Supreme Court is a sacrificial lamb for Gonzales? I mean, now he can say..."Well, I nominated a woman, but y'all wouldn't vote her in." Again, Harriett who?

Like Leno says, "Now hiring for Supreme Court Justice - No Experience Necessary"

Whatever.

***

I had to purchase new winter clothes because my others are all too big. Do y'all realize what an awesome feeling that is? Having to buy clothes because you're swimming in the ones you have?

I'm digging it.

***

True story:

At one time, one of my dearest closest friends was an absolutely wonderful woman I went to college with in the early years (12 years ago). Over time we lost touch - she got married, I got married, she graduated...

This weekend at Saggio's, I'm sitting in a booth facing south, and she's sitting in an adjacent booth facing north. BAYUM! It was like a long overdue reunion - tears being shed, a scene being made, loud laughter ensuing...

Turns out she just lost her father, and was feeling quite lonely and sad, when *POOF* ... Kris appears to make her smile and bring her a little bit of joy.

What an awesome feeling.

***

Speaking of long lost friends, if A-ho happens to be reading this. CONTACT ME NOW. No arguments. I miss you, and I'm tired of leaving messages.

***

My daughter begged me for what I thought was candy corn yesterday at Walgreen's. So I bought her a dollar's worth, and it turns out to be "Indian Corn". I don't name the stuff, I know its politically incorrect and things, but anyway, I digress....

The stuff was horrid. Wretched, even.

Why mess with a beautiful thing like candy corn? Just sayin', its Halloween season, don't fool with the classics.

****

This lyric is for my purposes only, based on an unhealthy addiction I have.

He's magic and myth
As strong as what I believe
A tragedy with
More damage than a soul should see
And do I try to change him
So hard not to blame him
Hold me tight
Baby, hold on tight

Oh cuz I don’t know
I don’t know what he’s after
But he’s so beautiful
He's such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster

I'm longing for love and the logical
But he's only happy hysterical
I'm searching for some kind of miracle
Waited so long
So long

--Kelly Clarkson, Beautiful Disaster

Yeah, its scary, I know. Trust me, I know.

****

So in an effort to try to make this journal suck a whole lot less, I hereby pledge to post something random, silly, or what I consider funny on a more regular basis.

I hope all of you are doing wonderfully, and I miss you guys tons.

Happy Humpday!

Read a Banned Book

2005-09-27T08:57:00.000-07:00

I did about three hundred eyerolls reading this list - a lot of them are on my favorites list! In honor of Read a Banned Book week...READ!

The 100 Most Frequently Challenged Books of 1990–2000

1 Scary Stories (Series) by Alvin Schwartz
2 Daddy's Roommate by Michael Willhoite
3 I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou
4 The Chocolate War by Robert Cormier
5 The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain
6 Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck
7 Harry Potter (Series) by J.K. Rowling
8 Forever by Judy Blume
9 Bridge to Terabithia by Katherine Paterson
10 Alice (Series) by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor

Heather Has Two Mommies by Leslea Newman
My Brother Sam is Dead by James Lincoln Collier & Christopher Collier
The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger
The Giver by Lois Lowry
It's Perfectly Normal by Robie Harris
Goosebumps (Series) by R.L. Stine
A Day No Pigs Would Die by Robert Newton Peck
The Color Purple by Alice Walker
Sex by Madonna
20 Earth's Children (Series) by Jean M. Auel

The Great Gilly Hopkins by Katherine Paterson
A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle
Go Ask Alice by Anonymous
Fallen Angels by Walter Dean Myers
In the Night Kitchen by Maurice Sendak
The Stupids (Series) by Harry Allard
The Witches by Roald Dahl
The New Joy of Gay Sex by Charles Silverstein
Anastasia Krupnik (Series) by Lois Lowry
30 The Goats by Brock Cole

Kaffir Boy by Mark Mathabane
Blubber by Judy Blume
Killing Mr. Griffin by Lois Duncan
Halloween ABC by Eve Merriam
We All Fall Down by Robert Cormier
Final Exit by Derek Humphry
The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood
Julie of the Wolves by Jean Craighead George
The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison
40 What's Happening to my Body? Book for Girls: A Growing-Up
Guide for Parents & Daughters by Lynda Madaras

To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
Beloved by Toni Morrison
The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton
The Pigman by Paul Zindel
Bumps in the Night by Harry Allard
Deenie by Judy Blume
Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes
Annie on my Mind by Nancy Garden
The Boy Who Lost His Face by Louis Sachar
50 Cross Your Fingers, Spit in Your Hat by Alvin Schwartz

A Light in the Attic by Shel Silverstein
Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
Sleeping Beauty Trilogy by A.N. Roquelaure (Anne Rice)
Asking About Sex and Growing Up by Joanna Cole
Cujo by Stephen King
James and the Giant Peach by Roald Dahl
The Anarchist Cookbook by William Powell
Boys and Sex by Wardell Pomeroy
Ordinary People by Judith Guest
60 American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis

What's Happening to my Body? Book for Boys: A Growing-Up Guide for Parents & Sons by Lynda Madaras
Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret by Judy Blume
Crazy Lady by Jane Conly
Athletic Shorts by Chris Crutcher
Fade by Robert Cormier
Guess What? by Mem Fox
The House of Spirits by Isabel Allende
The Face on the Milk Carton by Caroline Cooney
70 Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut

Lord of the Flies by William Golding
Native Son by Richard Wright
Women on Top: How Real Life Has Changed Women's Fantasies by
Nancy Friday
Curses, Hexes and Spells by Daniel Cohen
Jack by A.M. Homes
Bless Me, Ultima by Rudolfo A. Anaya
Where Did I Come From? by Peter Mayle
Carrie by Stephen King
Tiger Eyes by Judy Blume
80 On My Honor by Marion Dane Bauer

Arizona Kid by Ron Koertge
Family Secrets by Norma Klein
Mommy Laid An Egg by Babette Cole
The Dead Zone by Stephen King
The Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain
Song of Solomon by Toni Morrison
Always Running by Luis Rodriguez
Private Parts by Howard Stern
Where's Waldo? by Martin Hanford
90 Summer of My German Soldier by Bette Greene

Little Black Sambo by Helen Bannerman
Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett
Running Loose by Chris Crutcher
Sex Education by Jenny Davis
The Drowning of Stephen Jones by Bette Greene
Girls and Sex by Wardell Pomeroy
How to Eat Fried Worms by Thomas Rockwell
View from the Cherry Tree by Willo Davis Roberts
The Headless Cupid by Zilpha Keatley Snyder
The Terrorist by Caroline Cooney
100 Jump Ship to Freedom by James Lincoln Collier and Christopher Collier

Most challenged books of 2004

1. "The Chocolate War" for sexual content, offensive language,
religious viewpoint, being unsuited to age group and violence

2. "Fallen Angels" by Walter Dean Myers, for racism, offensive
language and violence

3. "Arming America: The Origins of a National Gun Culture" by Michael A. Bellesiles, for inaccuracy and political viewpoint

4. Captain Underpants series by Dav Pilkey, for offensive language and modeling bad behavior (LOLOL!!)

5. "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" by Stephen Chbosky, for
homosexuality, sexual content and offensive language

6. "What My Mother Doesn't Know" by Sonya Sones, for sexual content and offensive language

7. "In the Night Kitchen" by Maurice Sendak, for nudity and offensive language

8. "King & King" by Linda de Haan and Stern Nijland, for homosexuality

9. "I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings" by Maya Angelou, for racism, homosexuality, sexual content, offensive language and unsuited to age group

10. "Of Mice and Men" by John Steinbeck, for racism, offensive
language and violence

Top Ten Challenged Authors 1990 to 2004
1. Alvin Schwartz
2. Judy Blume
3. Robert Cormier
4. J.K. Rowling
5. Michael Willhoite
6. Katherine Paterson
7. Stephen King
8. Maya Angelou
9. R.L. Stine
10. John Steinbeck

2004 Most Challenged Authors
1 Phyllis Reynolds Naylor, author of the Alice series
2 Robert Cormier, author of The Chocolate War and We All Fall Down
3 Judy Blume, author of Blubber, Forever, and Deenie
4 Toni Morrison, author of The Bluest Eye, Beloved and Song of Solomon
5 Chris Lynch, author of Extreme Elvin and Iceman
6 Barbara Park, author of the Junie B. Jones series (LOL)
7 Gary Paulsen, author of Nightjohn and The Beet Fields: Memories of a Sixteenth Summer
8 Dav Pilkey, author of The Captain Underpants series
9 Maurice Sendak, author of In the Night Kitchen
10 Sonya Sones, author of What My Mother Doesn't Know

AOL J-Land Awards, AKA "The Vivis"

2005-09-23T09:09:00.000-07:00

Here are the categories for this years Vivis - the AOL J-Land Awards. Check out Patrick's Place for details...

JOURNAL OF THE YEAR
The top honor: a journal that stands out above all others in 2005.

LORD OF THE BLOG
Best U.S. Male Journal

LADY OF THE BLOG
Best U.S. Female Journal

DUKE OF THE BLOG
Best U.K. Male Journal

DUCHESS OF THE BLOG
Best U.K. Female Journal

MARQUIS/MARQUISE OF THE BLOG
NEW! Best Canadian Journal

BEST INTERNATIONAL JOURNAL
NEW! Best Journal originating in countries other than U.S., U.K. and Canada

BEST USE OF GRAPHICS
Journal with most effective/creative use of original non-animated graphics.

BEST USE OF ANIMATION
Journal with most effective/creative use of original animated graphics.

BEST USE OF PHOTOGRAPHY
Journal with most effective/creative use of original photography.

MOST HUMOROUS JOURNAL
Journal producing the most laughs among readers.

MOST EMOTIONAL JOURNAL
Journal producing the most distinct emotional response among readers, happy or sad. This is the journal that gives readers a real sense that they're reading something straight from the writer's heart.

MOST THOUGHT-PROVOKING JOURNAL
Journal written in a way to inspire dialog and/or raise awareness about issues that might otherwise go unnoticed.

MOST OUTSPOKEN JOURNAL
Journal with powerful entries that tackle tough issues head-on. It's not about "masked vulgarities" or anything else that might make the TOS people raise an eyebrow: it's more about writing honestly without any fears of telling it like it is.

BEST USE OF ATTITUDE
Journal with creative and effective use of grandiose behavior.

MOST WELL-WRITTEN JOURNAL
Best use of grammar.

BEST FICTION/POETRY JOURNAL
Journal consisting of original fiction or poetry that stands out among the rest.

BEST INDIVIDUAL ENTRY OR SERIES OF ENTRIES
Award for a single entry or series of related entries on a particular topic.

BEST THEME-BASED JOURNAL
Journal that sticks primarily to one single topic or theme, from Sports to Travel to Politics to Career to Religion, and rarely deviates from that topic while still maintaining reader interest.

BEST YOUNG PERSON'S JOURNAL
Outstanding Journal written by people aged 14 or younger.

BEST TEEN JOURNAL
Outstanding Journal written by people aged 15-18

BEST NEW JOURNAL
Most outstanding journal created since July 1, 2004. (That gives a little more than a year of eligibility, but the official nominations of last year's awards were named around July 18th, and I wanted to make sure everyone who had begun their journals around that time had the opportunity to participate.)

BEST AIM JOURNAL
NEW! Specifically to feature journals created by AIM Users. Since AIM journals are a relatively recent possibility, all of the AIM journals themselves would automatically be "new."

BEST-KEPT SECRET JOURNAL
NEW! Most outstanding journal that is older than a year, but that readers feel hasn't received the attention it deserves.

MOST-MISSED JOURNAL
NEW! A journal you miss the most: one that still exists but has not been updated in any way in at least three months that readers wish would be regularly updated again. Consider it the "Best Abandoned Journal." Maybe this award will change that!

MOST CREATIVE/ORIGINAL JOURNAL
NEW! Outstanding journal that creates a unique experience for readers. It need not be necessarily the best journal in all of J-land, but it is the one journal with such a distinct voice that a reader could identify by reading a single entry. It is different from the "Journal of the Year" category in that it may not be the biggest standout of the year overall, but it is regularly such a special place to visit that you want to come back always.

This sounds like a ton of fun! In the meantime, copy the category information, visit as many journals as you can, and submit your entries AFTER OCTOBER 1st.

I'm thinking Aileen qualifies for the "Most Missed Journal" award, but I'm thinking SloMo'll take it hands down. Anyway, the more people participating the better, so let's do it!

I know its been forever...

2005-09-22T18:42:00.000-07:00

So, my topic. Yeah, I really do have one. Face transplants.

I watched a show on Discovery Health back when I had the free time to do so about this controversial procedure, and I found it quite interesting. People horrifically burned in devastating accidents, debating about whether or not it was something they could do. Basically, it involves transplanting the entire face from a deceased individual onto your head. The idea is to find a donor with similar skin tone and facial structure. Admittedly, it is a little creepy, but...what if you were faced with a horrendous disfiguring accident like these people were? Would you be willing to risk everything in order to have a functioning face?

An even bigger question: would you be willing to give up your visual identity in order to improve your quality of life? You wouldn't look like "you" anymore. How would that feel? I think it might be quite traumatic to wake up, look in the mirror, and see someone else.

Many of these people no longer have noses or eyelids or ears. They're scarred so terribly they have trouble talking and eating. One individual in particular had to put special drops and creams in her eyes to keep them from drying out. Her tear ducts had been destroyed along with her eyelids. People stare and gasp at this woman, who was once strikingly beautiful. She has little hair, no nose except two small holes, and enlarged lips. Her skin is so scarred it looks painful. She's had numerous surgeries and she's lucky to be alive.

This begs the question...would you be able to recognize the facial features of the deceased individual on the recipient? How creepy would that be, to be walking down the street and see your deceased loved one's face on someone else?

This particular documentary involved medical students who were the subject of an experiment designed to test that particular theory. They were shown pictures of cadavers (donors) before and after the experimental surgery, where the recipients were also cadavers. The results were mixed - some students readily identified/matched donor to recipient, where others had more difficulty.

Apparently, the risks are huge and involve infection and rejection. Recipients have to be placed on anti-rejection medication that can harm your body. If the transplanted face is rejected, recipients could be worse off than they were to begin with - no face whatsoever and no tissue to work with.

I'm not sure what I'd do in this situation. I always think of my kids first, and if I was lucky enough to be alive to be here for them, I wouldn't want to push my luck. On the other hand, it depends on quality of life issues. I know its a superficial thing, but I understand completely what its like to be discriminated against and treated horribly for how you look (ie being overweight), and I can't imagine what it would be like to go through life horribly scarred beyond recognition. People can be so mean. BUT...do I really want to look like someone else? Do I want to lose the visual representation of what is ME in order to fit in? Would it be worth it to avoid the pain and improve my quality of life? Do I want to risk my life?

Its crazy how well I get treated now, even though I still have 30 or more pounds to lose. Everyone's nicer to me, people open doors for me and I get respect much more now than I did 50-60 pounds ago. Like I said, people can be so mean.

So...what would you do? Would you continue with your scars and pain or would you go ahead with a very risky surgery that'll have you looking like someone else?

Check out the article HERE.

*****

Crazy what a little stress can do to you. Suddenly the things that used to be so important, the things that brought you a little joy each day are just not that imperative anymore. Like journaling, for instance. Seems the classes I took on this semester are just a little more daunting than I thought they were going to be, and my workload has increased exponentially. So much so that I've turned into a whining, sleep-deprived weirdo who laughs hysterically at things that are just a little funny and does stupid things like rush out of the house without essential items. (and I do mean ESSENTIAL items)

My application for graduation was approved, however, so I'm going to finally (FINALLY) graduate in May. That's my mantra these days...

Almost done. Almost done. Almost done. Almost done.

Things are going along swimmingly, however. Hubby found a job and started Monday, the girls are wonderful, the job is awesome. I've just sort of put my own needs aside for the short term. That's all.

I'm just exhausted, overworked, stressed and treading water. And whining!!!

*****

There's your monthly (monthly?) purge with a side of whine. I really would like to see how people feel about the face thing though, so chime in!

More when I can....

AIDS Walk 2005 - Albuquerque, NM

2005-09-17T08:47:00.000-07:00

I know people are busy donating to Katrina, but I'm still doing the AIDS walk next weekend. If anyone's got even $1 to spare and you feel like donating to yet another good cause...

Team Romero 2005

I know we won't get very much this year, but I wanted to be sure my family and friends could contribute if they wanted to. (Plus everyone's been bugging me about it!!)

The walk takes place next Saturday, September 24!!

For Miss Aileen

2005-09-01T09:11:00.000-07:00

That's right, our notorious Aileen, of Waste of Space fame, is having a birthday today.

I miss you tons, darlin. I hope you have the best birthday ever!

Ugh

2005-09-01T07:57:00.000-07:00

Even from beautiful downtown Albuquerque, New Mexico, I'm slowly grasping the devastation that has hit our gulf states. I'm particularly partial to New Orleans because I spent a week there last year...such a beautiful city, with so many wonderful people. I hope they know we're all doing everything we can to help them.

The pictures are upsetting, the stories are gut-wrenching...and much like 9/11, I'm left trying to explain this catastrophe to my children, and helping them understand how important it is for everyone to chip in and help. Its always a fine line, explaining something as hugely terrible as this without frightening or upsetting them. Of course they discuss this stuff at school, but its up to mom to explain it and answer any questions they have.

The gas prices are ticking me off. I still don't think we're being told the entire story, and I still think the American people are being taken advantage of. The states that were hit the hardest have the highest gas prices. It just bugs the heck outta me. Not only that, but it looks like every industry is using the hurricane excuse to jack up prices. (Lumber is the first thing that comes to mind.) I just can't stand it when corporations try to profit from tragedy. (Like Haliburton)

And looting. These people have no food or water - what do you expect? Its survival at this point. I'd do it too if it meant feeding my children, and its going to continue until these people get what they need.

I read a story about a poverty-level mother in New Orleans, stranded, now homeless, with a premature infant who needed oxygen and other durable medical equipment to survive. The machines were operating on battery power, and the hospital turned her down because she had no insurance. They can barely keep their life support equipment powered and they're worried about revenue. Stuff like that makes me sick.

Another thing that's bugging me is my weak understanding that the Army Corps of Engineers was warning people about this, and our leaders (yeah I'll blame Bush) chose to CUT funding instead of increasing it to address the problem of the weakened levees. Now the entire city of New Orleans is under as much as 20 feet of water...was it really wise to divert funds from this effort? Didn't this weaken us further? Didn't they warn everyone that this would occur, especially during hurricane season? Ugh! Now the Corps is grasping at straws, hoping that dumping tons of sandbags will temporarily solve the problem.

Oh and Bush cut his vacation short. By three days. (eyeroll) He had time to go to a rally before he went out to fly over New Orleans. Priorities, Mr. President. He handled things very well immediately after 9/11. I'm hoping he'll pull it together for this.

Hundred year old beautiful buildings - gone. Hundreds dead.

I hope our leaders feel incredibly guilty about this. I hope they understand what they've done, as they see all these tens of thousands of people suffering. I also hope that we still have some international allies that like us enough to help us out. I hope we haven't alienated them all.

I know everyone's blogging about this, and I'm so far away I'll probably never understand what those people are going through, but its still worth noting that even in New Mexico, people are stepping up and donating and volunteering. We'll keep praying, keep giving, and keep going until we help fix it.

Let's get it done.

I hope I'm wrong about the funding issue. I also hope I'm wrong with my impression that our leader doesn't care enough. I further hope that you'll see our true American spirit in these coming months as we help rebuild.

I wanted to blog about something silly and upbeat, but it just doesn't feel like the time. I'll send some b-day wishes out shortly though...=)

Weekend Assignment - Gotta Have It

2005-08-26T12:28:00.000-07:00

Weekend Assignment #74: Got the Wants

There are things in this world that people need to have. This week's Weekend Assignment is not about those.

Weekend Assignment #74: Forget about the things you need -- Tell us about something you want. Preferably something useless and/or expensive. In other words: Toys! Something fun and/or sparkly and/or indulgent that you don't already have but wouldn't mind getting, if someone were offering.

Extra Credit: Do you really think getting that toy would make you happier?

THIS.

OR THIS!!

(REAR VIEW)

I covet this car. I dream about what it would be like to own such a fine example of automotive genius. I have begged my wonderful boss to replace my wonderful company-provided sportscar with this one. Can't you see it - our logo all smooth across the side???

Any model would do, but since this is my fantasy, I'd choose the GT with the 4.6L V8, thankyouverymuch. I know its a muscle car, but I still want the automatic transmission, fully loaded. I prefer black, but any color would do.

**I would look SO good in this car.**

Extra Credit question: I'm a happy girl right now anyway, but...YES this would definately make me happy. For real and for true. Either this, or a winning multimillion dollar lottery ticket so I could have a garage full of these beautiful automobiles, but DEFINATELY THIS.

(So I'm a little obsessed.)

Get right on that, okay? Hee.

Ask Me Anything, Answered

2005-08-26T08:16:00.000-07:00

Leigh asked:

How old were you when you had your first boyfriend?

--Kindergarten, believe it or not. We used to pretend he was The Fonz and I was Pinky. (damn I can't believe I just admitted that out loud.)

Wait - does that count? If not, my first *real* boyfriend was in high school - my freshman year. His name was Jeff, and I truly thought we'd be married some day. *sigh!* My first true love. (I wonder where he is now?)

Where did you grow up?

--Beautiful Albuquerque, New Mexico - born and raised. (boring, I know)

If you could live anywhere, where would it be?

--I love New Mexico, but I'd sure like a summer home in New Orleans.

*****

From Freeeee

If you could trade places with one person for a week, who would it be and why?

--Dang. I really like my life so much, I'm not sure I'd want to. First, I thought of a lottery winner, just to see what its like not to worry about money, and to be able to help people. Then I thought of my dog, because curling up in a sunny spot for a nap sounds really good right now. I know this is a chicken-sh** answer, so I'll have to ponder that a little longer.

Dernit, Trishy you made me think so HARD.

Okay, I know. Sometimes I think I'd really like to be able to communicate with those who are gone now, but I'd also have to add that I'd like to be able to do that without being scared. I'd love to have the ability to just converse with the people I miss, and ask them some questions, tell them I love them, and then be on my merry way. Oh and Elvis. I'd love to talk to Elvis. And John Lennon, and Janis Joplin. Just for a week though. Much longer than that and I might just lose what little marbles I have left.

If you could do/be anything in the world, what would that be and why?

--I really like being me, but I think I'd really want to be someone who had tons and tons of money, so I could make a difference and really help people. I think of the people I really admire in this world - Nelson Mandela, for instance - and all the wonderful selfless things they've done. I wish I had the means to make a difference. A big difference.

What is your very first memory?

As an infant, I remember being in a stroller headed into the Dillards at the mall. (I know it was Dillards because it stayed with this same decor for decades) My mother pushed the stroller into this dark brown ceramic tiled foyer, I remember the sound being different (you know, how it tends to sound hollow and echoey in tiled areas) and I looked up and saw various pictures of men over the entrance doors and it scared me. (Crazy, I know. It must have been photographs of various important people, but I have no idea who.) I started crying because I was terrified, but of course I couldn't vocalize what had scared me...and I remember being scooped up and comforted. That was the best feeling in the world - a feeling of safety, warmth and love.

That's it for now - this was fun! Maybe next time I'll get more questions...HINT.

Happy Friday!

Ask Me Anything

2005-08-22T14:56:00.000-07:00

Ask Me Anything

Let's Play A Game!

I just got an e-mail from Miss Freee "suggesting" I participate, and I thought it sounded fun. Check out her entry here.

The game: ASK ME ANYTHING

Here's how we play:

- Ask me 3 questions. Any 3, no matter how personal, private or random.
- I have to answer them honestly. I have to answer them all.
- In turn, you post this message in your own blog or journal and you have to answer the questions that are asked of you.

OK so y'all have until tomorrow midnite to post your questions, and I'll try to respond with an entry within the next couple of days.

(suggested by Freee - go check it out!)

Purgables

2005-08-18T18:18:00.000-07:00

There's so much going on right now in my little corner of the world. It's all good stuff, and change is always stressful, but its hard to wrap my little mind around everything that's going on around me. I often feel this way, wondering if I'm "Standing Still" as Jewel put it. Standing here watching the world whiz by, forgetting what's really important, missing clues, that sort of thing.

I'm having a hard time remembering to take care of me. As mothers, we tend to put ourselves last the majority of the time. I haven't bought myself new clothes in over two years, aside from a dress to wear to a business function and a $10 skirt. I haven't been to see the dentist to have my wisdom teeth removed, even though they hurt like a monkey a whole lot of the time. I haven't seen a doctor (aside from asthma crap) in over a year either. Stupid, I know.

Baby steps. I have been real adament about my weight loss program and I've accomplished a whole lot there. 40 lbs is a lot. I've been real stubborn about my need to finish my degree, and I've stayed that course for TWELVE YEARS. (Three more classes left. Three!) I forced everyone around me to put up with my butt while I studied and sat for that certifying exam (which obviously paid off in spades). I even had my hair trimmed two Saturdays ago.

Somehow, when I'm "selfish" like that, I feel like I have to be selfless in every other way, so I put my needs last. Then, I get resentful, which is so stupid. My assistant and I were talking about it the other day, and she pointed out that the most self-LESS thing to do would be to take care of myself, and she's right. I'm an integral part of my kids' world, and taking care of me is indirectly making sure they're okay.

Lots of changes, lots of things to look forward to. Its all good, but its still a little stressful. I just need to remember to unclench and takes things one breath at a time.

Schtuff going on:

Soon (we hope) we should be finding out if hubby got a job he applied for. He's feeling well enough to work again, which is awesome, but it takes this certain government entity 14-19 days to process a new hire. As with most things, the more time that lapses, the higher the doubt and worry, so send us some good job vibes. With him working, the financial stress will be lessened and/or non-existant, but there'll be others. He'll be gone the majority of the time I'm at home, which was hard on us marriage-wise before. I'll have to take the kids to school and pick them up afterwards, and the little one will be in a daycare program after school again. Tha means there'll be little or no time for mom to work out, until I figure out Plan B. I guess there's a trade off for everything, and we really need the money right now. In the short run, this will be a really wonderful thing for us, so yeah, send the good job vibes.

School Crap:

My fall semester begins Monday, and unlike any other semester for the past 12 years, I don't have a concrete schedule yet. I need three courses (four if I take an elective) to graduate, and the two I need to take this semester are full. I've been trying non-stop since Monday to sneak in with no luck. So, Monday morning, I'll make a puppy dog eyed plea to a tax professor to please please let me in so I can graduate. Then Tuesday afternoon I'll go through the same thing with a different professor. If I don't get in these two courses, I'll have to put off graduation until Fall 2006. That'll be really really hard to swallow.

I still don't have books purchased yet either, which is also completely out of character. It is driving me nuts to be this unprepared at the beginning of a semester. I'm not handling it well.

On the Home Front:

Emily started high school without a hitch, hated it for the first two days, and is now growing accustomed to the newsurroundings. When I asked her what was so bad about high school she said, "Mom, the school's big, the people are big..." Yeah, I remember. Upperclassmen can be such jerks. Thank gawd she's as tall as me, so she doesn't get bullied around that much.

Kayla's 3rd grade bilingual teacher is a little less than bilingual, which is turning into a large problem. Its going to be difficult to communicate in Spanish to Spanish-speakers if you have to ask how to say certain things. Don't get me wrong here, but I think a teacher who claims to be qualified to teach an enriched bilingual class needs to be fluent. Just my personal opinion. We'll see what the school comes up with, but we're already anticipating the excuses: we're short of funding, didn't have time to fill the vacancy...you get my drift.

Volunteering Crap:

So I'm an Assistant Troop Leader this year for Kayla's Girl Scout Troop, at least until they find someone who doesn't work/school/mom so much. I haven't learned the word "no", obviously. The woman who does it has done such a good job though, and I'd hate to see the troop dissolve just because she doesn't have the help she needs.

I've also been asked to head another committee for a different professional organization we belong to at work. That would make three, plus my duties as a board member of my little professional group, PLUS the Girl Scout thing, work, school, kids... I just feel so guilty if I don't accept these requests.

Someday I'll grow a spine, honest. I just don't want to end up mean and grouchy.

AIDS WALK 2005:

Yep, its that time of year again! Pretty soon I'll be posting info on how you can support my team for the 2005 AIDS Walk here in beautiful downtown Albuquerque, NM. This year, they got high tech and you can build a website to solicit donations. There's your warning. I'll be stepping up preaching about AIDS and the desperate need for funding very very soon.

I need sponsors! $1-$100 I don't care, its all for a good cause.

Any of my friends and cohorts in the Albuquerque area (Le, B, Rita, Kim, and others - HINT) are more than welcome to come and walk with us. Its always a blast, and we always go eat afterwards!!

A Plea to Mr. Bush

2005-08-17T08:23:00.000-07:00

To quote a good friend of mine... "Holy Frigging Circus"

An open plea to our vacationing leader:

Yanno, Mr. Bush, instead of turning this into a media/public relations nightmare...you could have just picked yourself up, along with your enterage of secret service agents, and trotted your little butt down the street to talk to this woman. An hour of your busy day (on yet ANOTHER vacation) to speak to a woman who lost her baby fighting your war. I'm not sure if its pride, or stubbornness, or just plain stupidity, but all of this could have been avoided if you'd have just agreed to speak with her.

Now it looks like moveon.org and a whole barrage of anti-Bush organizations are latching on to this. It has gotten so huge, they've had to rent portable toilets, for cryin' out loud. For a president who's approval ratings are at an all-time low, it seems it would behoove you to just walk over there and talk her. I realize you met with her with a group of families at a canned session right after her son died. So what. She wants a one-on-one session to ask you a few questions. An hour or so, for someone who lost her child fighting for us.

Seems like it would be the least you could do for this grieving mother, bless her heart.

http://www.meetwithcindy.org/

Pretend she's a CEO of a multibillion dollar international corporation, or a major contributor, or pretend she's someone who matters enough... whatever it takes.

Just go talk to her.

An oldie but goodie worth posting, from an e-mail

2005-08-11T09:18:00.000-07:00

I just have to add this comment: I don't think so.

Isn't it amazing how times have changed?

I know a lot of you have probably already seen this via forwards, but it was worth posting, for those who haven't. It'll take a minute to load, but its worth a chuckle. (We'll see if it displays correctly!)

A Milestone.

2005-08-05T18:32:00.000-07:00

There they were, hanging on the door of my closet, challenging me. Teasing me.

"Try us on, you know you want to", they called.

I resisted. I knew, in my heart of hearts, that if they didn't fit I'd be disappointed, devastated and depressed all morning. I prepared myself, left the hanger out just in case they didn't fit. I could always give them back to Emily, or someone else...

I removed them from said hanger, and held them up. "They look small", I thought to myself. I ran my eyes around the inside of the waistband, searching desperately for a size tag. I knew these were my daughter's jeans, and she's smaller than me, so there was just no way. I knew these might as well have been in the "As If" section of my closet. There was no size tag.

SIDENOTE: My closet, as with a lot of other women's I'm sure, has various sections of fat. There's the "As If" section, the ones I haven't worn for years because they're so small, but I refuse to let them go because I JUST KNOW they're gonna fit someday. There's the "Bovine" section, there's the "PMS-ing" section, and there's the various stages of in between. These jeans looked small. Too small.

I took a deep breath. I was totally prepared for the disappointment to come. I lifted one leg in, then the other, and started to pull.

Amazing, they went up past my hips. I sat there with them unbuttoned for a while, in complete and total shock. I stared down - they weren't even uncomfortable.

"I just wonder....", I pondered out loud.

I grabbed either side, to button them, and OH MY GAWD they buttoned AND ZIPPED and were comfortable. Given, they're those "Low Rise" things that I'm not used to, but...

***THEY FIT!!!***

These are my daughter's jeans. That means I'm down a total of 5 jeans sizes since this time last year. MY DAUGHTER'S JEANS. She hugged me tight when she realized they were hers...and I have room to spare!

So, I lost all sense of normalcy and wore them all day, and I look damn good, if I do say so myself. Everyone noticed!! I haven't worn this size in over three years. Amazing what an innocent pair of jeans can do. (Anybody else a child of the 80's? These lowrise take some getting used to - it feels like your butt could pop out at any time.)

I know we've all been through this, I just haven't had a positive outcome from a little experiment like this in such a long time, I had to share.

Why DO men have nipples?

2005-08-03T18:41:00.000-07:00

Well, I just found out. Apparently we all start with the same template, then after a few weeks nature plugs in the man sex chromosome. By that time, the nips were already there. I wonder if that's true for dogs too? My little boi dog Peenit has teets too. Actually, that may explain an awful lot...

*****

It is so effing hot. As if anyone needed reminding. This summer has been just full of Advanced Hotness. I'm ready for fall. Really ready.

I'm ready I'm ready I'm ready I'm ready

****

My oldest baby girl starts high school in 7 days. Fasten your seatbelts sweethearts, we're in for a ride. It brings back so many memories of my first year in high school - remember how scared you were? "Excited, yet terrified" is how Emily put it. I actually spent a great deal of time getting thrown about by senior boys - in trash cans, puddles, trunks of cars and the like. At least I didn't suffer the dreaded swirlee.

I did however, get teepeed, and it was a whopper of a job. These guys must have spent hours on my house. My mom even took pics the next morning! They dragged my little car across the street and up into the yard, soaped all the windows, left about 48 rolls of teepee in the tree and everywhere else, AND left me about 6" of shredded newspaper to clear off the lawn. I had a whole new respect for that group of guys after that episode.

I can't wait to take my daughter on her first teepee adventure.

Thankfully, Emmy's very tall and looks older - she could pass for a junior or a senior without any trouble at all. She'll be just fine. Now if we could just get her mother to calm down a bit...

Can you believe she's eligible to DRIVE in September? Lawdy lawdy. Yep, feelin' pretty ancient just about now.

****

My name is Kris and its been one month and 11 days since my last diet coke. Since then I've lost 10 lbs. (5 last week, per my weigh in). Darn it! Yep that makes 40 on Weight Watchers, and 10-15 on my own. 35 more to go!!

In one of his meanest, most evilest moves so far, my boss walked into my office this hotter than hot afternoon, and slowly popped open a nice refreshing can of - that's right - Diet Coke. you know the sound...ssssssssss CRACK fissssss..... I'm sure it was perfectly chilled, with just a little bit of slushy. Then he sipped it very very slow and LOUD to make sure the craving set in full force.

This, after I confided in him how difficult its been for me to give it up.

Love you, D. Thanks bunches for your support! ;b

****

I have a new addiction. He's adorable and has the craziest journal ever, and I just love him. Its definately PG-13 stuff, but you have to check out Mortimer's Cafe if you haven't already, simply for the animation on his journal page if nothing else. Don't go look if you're one of those easily offended people. Please. I don't want the backlash. (link on my favorites!) I found him through my favorite hippy's journal (link also on my favorites).

****

OK enough purgables for today. I have the hiccups, from the flavored water. Again.

Have a wonderful Wednesday!!

Happy Anniversary, Dear Puuuurge

2005-08-02T16:06:00.000-07:00

SO, exactly one year ago today, my little Daily Purge came to life. This journal was born out of anguish, unfortunately - a place where I could vent my anger and hurt and broken heart over a person who'd devastated me beyond all reason. Since then, I've gotten over said devastation, and moved onward and upward. That was literally one of the best things he could have done for me. I guess I should thank him. Not!

My journal actually scored me some bomb-diggity friends, and Aileen's the first one that comes to mind. We met under some pretty unfortunate circumstances (I'm so glad that journal subjects are searchable!), and managed to surface and muddle through with a pretty strong friendship. She's bold, beautiful, intelligent and genuine, and I'm blessed to know her. So, if I hadn't been terribly screwed over, I never would have met her. Again, maybe I should thank him. Not!

I also "met" Ahndreah, who's one of the most talented bloggers/writers I know in the real world; Miss Trishy, whose music "sucks not"; Judi, who's simply amazing - her artwork has made me gasp on more than one occasion; Jeff, who's a great cheerleader; Albert, who's just adorable and lovable all by himself; Miss Peachy, whose common sense has floored me on a regular basis all year; Kat, the weight loss queen, and Miss JerseyGirl, whose photos are completely awe inspiring.

I've also played New Mexico tour guide, state fair promoter, whiner, student, AIDS advocate, gay rights advocate, human rights advocate, incredibly left wing tree-huggin' liberal democrat, diet coke addict, professional, PSA announcer, wife, mom, friend, dieter, dreamer, philosopher, ranter and raver, among other things. My entries are admittedly random, quirky and weird...but that's just my M.O., and its pretty much how I'd talk to you if we were having a coke together.

Thanks for reading guys, thanks for being here. I'm so grateful for this little blog - its really helped me in so many ways. I've met so many wonderful people, aired truths that really needed to be aired, and made some wonderful friends on the way.

OK Everyone, Help Me Celebrate!!!

2005-07-29T14:46:00.000-07:00

I just got the news today....I am now a Certified Construction Financial Professional.

Yep, Ms. Kris, CCFP.

Remember that horrific exam I took May 14? The four hour one that I spent two months studying for and whined consistantly about for the entire time?

***I PASSED!!!!***

I'd like to say thank you to all the important people, the ones who cheered me on and knew I could do it, even when I didn't:

Aileen, Jude, Ahndreah, Le, Louie, Emily, Kayla, Kat, Miss Mikethdawg ... let me know if I forgot anyone...I feel like I'm accepting a Grammy or something.

Now I get to have letters after my name, and people will trust that I know what I'm talking about.

I DID IT!!! Now all that's left is graduating, followed by that darned CPA exam!

....heading home to celebrate with that bottle of wine we've been saving. Dang this feels so good, I had to share.

Happy Friday!!!

Happiness is...

2005-07-27T18:34:00.000-07:00

Every once in a while I feel the need to do what I call an inventory. The kind where you stop and think about how great life really is. I haven't done one in awhile, so here it goes. I'm so happy my sunflowers finally popped up, AND THAT THE HORSE DIDN'T DESTROY THEM ALL!!

~~~~~

Crazy how the littlest things can make you smile or bring you joy...

Like ... sunflowers

Or ... a handmade card from your children

Or ... seducing your steering wheel with the song "Don't Cha" by the Pussycat Dolls. I just love that song!!

Dont cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me
Dont cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me
Dont cha, dont cha
Dont cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me
Dont cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me

Or ... realizing one of your very best friends in the whole world is your teenaged daughter (how cool is that??)

Or ... finally hitting the pillow after a wicked day, and realizing just how comfy it is

Or ... hearing your little girl's voice on the phone while you're at work

Or ... waking up and realizing you still have two more hours of sleep - or even better yet... that its SATURDAY!!

Or ... sliding into jeans that haven't fit in years

Or ... realizing how many great friends you have - you guys are so awesome!

Or ... hearing from a friend who's been MIA for awhile

Or ... having a conversation with your little brother - I miss you tons, B

Or ... how it makes you feel that your little dogs are so freaking happy to see you each and every time you come in the door, even if you only left 10 seconds ago

Or ... slipping into that warm bath

Or... lighting that lavender candle in your room, after saving it for way too long

Or ... finally finishing a painting that's been gathering dust for (you guessed it) way too long

Or...stopping and looking back at how far you've come, and realizing it really was worth the trip.

Feel free to add more!! (I know I will be...)

Sigh!

2005-07-26T13:04:00.000-07:00

This is where we spent last Saturday. I wish I was there now. There's something about the sound of water, the smell of the forest, the cool breeze messing up my hair...and its only an hour from Albuquerque.

Meet my new happy place.

*****

I've recently started "conversating" again with someone I've missed terribly...its like sliding into a warm bath. Everything just clicked again, all the bad feelings are gone...its as if we'd never grown apart. Forgiveness is a remarkable thing, when it can be complete.

Thank you for not giving up on my sorry butt, thanks for allowing me back in (even if it was disguised using a lame method of re-entry). I've sure missed you. You know who you are.

NO I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT DIET COKE, but admittedly those feelings are similar.

*****

Home ownership is such a joy. This year we've lost a furnace, had electrical problems, pipe leaks, well pumps have given up the ghost, and now our water heater quit. We called the wonderful people at the Public Service Company of New Mexico for help, and they promptly red tagged our gas line until we have repairs made by a licensed plumber at $100 per hour.

Yanno, the water's not really that cold...

*****

Since my company has moved to its new location, we've had wildlife living in our front yard. Our little mascots. A squirrel family and a rabbit family share a bush condominium - the squirrels take the top, and the bunnies dig below. They often hang out on the porch, and don't even move or run when people approach. They're awesome.

Well, the landlord decided to allow the lawn to die. Albuquerque is a desert afterall, and we've discovered there really isn't an unlimited supply of agua. Now, when you water your lawn you have to do it between certain hours of the day, and if you don't, or if you have any overflow, you get cited. After a couple of citations, the owner made the decision to xeriscape and let the grass die. Now we've all (employees, postal workers, UPS girl, building owner and other visitors) been worried about our mascots.

This morning I choked back a sob to find one of our little bunnies in the road. The squirrels have relocated. Our mascots are gone, their little bushy condo is empty.

Sniff!

Yeah so I'm a sap. Its all good.

****

I'm trying to register for fall semester and *big surprise* every class I need is closed. Right on? Four classes left to graduate. Four! And I can't get into a single one. They're all full, and they all filled within hours of posting. (Anyone in the management school at UNM feeling my pain? I'd love to comiserate!)

When you've been working on your undergrad degree as long as I have (12 years this August) you tend to get senioritis WAY worse than anyone else. All I want to do is finish. Finally. Finish.

The whole deferred gratification thing - I'm ready to stop deferring. I'm ready to show my girls what perserverance can do. I'm ready!!

My new strategy: Wait until the tuition payment deadline when people get booted for non-payment, and steal their spots. HA. I'm graduating next Spring, and nothing's gonna stop me.

*****

There's my purge this fine Tuesday afternoon, in billious green no less. Gag away.

Weather note: Its 83 degrees, which is frigid compared to the 107/110 we had last week about this time. Thank you, Powers That Be, for the much needed break. May it spread quickly to Nevada, Arizona, Colorado, and especially to a cute apartment in California with no air conditioning.

Have a wonderful week!!

Parallels, or History Repeats Itself.

2005-07-20T18:39:00.000-07:00

Its deja vous all over again. I have that experience constantly, where I have a very distinct dream - one I can remember perfectly - and some time later the dream replays in real life. Yeah, so you all know how kooky I can be, but this is for real. I dreamt about Louie's kids before I ever met them. I dreamt about my mother leaving right before she did. I had a dream about my grandmother dying, I had a dream about the job I had now while I was working somewhere else.

On more than one occasion, people have told me I was tripping, so I tend to tell people now about these distinct dreams I have. They're clearer than others for some reason, and those are the ones I share - kind of as proof that I really did dream it before it happened. Someday I'll have to talk to Gabreael about this stuff, just so I don't feel as crazy.

So this time, the deja vous is happening in real life, (as in, I didn't dream it) with a very personal situation. This time I can actually say "Hey, I've been through this before. I handled it completely wrong the last time. I know what to do now." The problem is, I've got to summon the courage to take action.

Sometimes loving someone enough means doing something they may hate you for. If it'll keep them safe, its worth it. I'll never regret trying, even if it means this person won't speak to me for the rest of my life. At least she'll be alive. I hope she's still reading this journal.

Maybe I should add "stubborn" to my All About Me section.

*****

Those "learning experiences" I always complain about - the ones I'm so sick of having...? Its amazing how those come in handy as you get older, kind of like how your parents make more sense as you get older. Well, I take that back, you can understand them more as you get older.

Anyway, you can draw on this wisdom, and if applied properly you can alter history. How empowering is that?

Now, if we could just get our kids to understand that they don't need to have as many "learning experiences" if they'd just LISTEN TO THEIR PARENTS.

My dad once likened my teenage stupidity to a kitten. He said it was like watching an adorable little kitten stick her paw into a light socket and get shocked, except she kept doing it. Over and over and over again. And no matter how many times the father cat tried to smash some sense into her brain, the kitten just wouldn't stop sticking her paw into that darned light socket.

Dang that's frustrating.

Here's hoping that one day that kitten (someone who's like a daughter to me) will get some sense shocked into it, and much like me realize its just not worth the rebellion for rebellion's sake. You're just hurting yourself, ya big DORK.

*****

SIDENOTE: Just so you know - that parental curse works, except the results are exponential. My daughters are a lot like me, just to the nth degree. Thanks, Mom & Dad.

*****

Shameless Pimp #8,758:

CarnivAOL. Mr. Paul pimped my journal (via my own selfish request) and so now I'd like to pimp his little work of art. Its really quite entertaining and unique the way he's put it together...please go check it out. The next "submission call" will begin Tuesday, July 26th.

If you'd like to submit your own masterpiece, please e-mail it to him (PLittle@aol.com). Aren't carnivals fun??

Thanks Paul!!

(oh and thanks for your tip on the Mayor. I liked yours best of all)

****

Shameless Pimp #8,759:

The wonderful Mrs. L pimped my little purge in a BIG way as Guest Editor of the Week, and even though I didn't make the front page, I'd still love to send her the biggest e-hug ever for even thinking about me.

Once again, I'm verclempt.

Please check her out (I'm sure most of y'all already do) because she manages to bring me a smile almost every day.

(bald spot the size of an english muffin. HAHAHAHA)

Now, if I could just get Miss Aileen to resurface...

*****

Happy Humpday everyone - may the rest of the work week pass quickly.

Another Crazy Adventure

2005-07-18T20:40:00.000-07:00

Friday night, while dining on a exquisite Neo-Classico Pannini at Saggio's, I made a proclamation. "Tomorrow, we embark on another adventure!" My kids groaned, eyes rolled, yada yada yada. They know all about my famous adventures, full of short cuts where we end up in the middle of nowhere.

NOT THIS TIME. I found a MAP, and the girls and I headed up to the Jemez mountains for a semi-planned family adventure. We picnicked by the stream, where I snapped the above pic while Emily stomped through the creek, then we explored some tunnels blown out of the cliff by loggers in the early 1900's.

Then I decided we'd go find Soda Dam, which is an all natural dam that you can climb up on, and swim in the pools below. The dam was formed over many years, and consists mostly of calcium carbonate. The water was COLD. (Hot springs my butt!)

Finally, we ended up at Bandelier National Monument, where people can explore ancient indian ruins. Below is the plaza, where most of the tribal activity took place.

The girls and I climbed in and out of ancient cave dwellings, saw spectacular art work drawn and carved on walls...

What amazes me is that these people carved these caves as back rooms to the two story condominium style homes they built along the cliff wall. Each cave had a hole carved for smoke to pass through - you could still see the smoke marks on the ceilings - and original in tact artwork. This consisted of either carvings in the side of the cliff, or paintings of serpants, lightning, horses and faces.

None of the condos had "doors" per se, all the dwellings were entered through hatches on the roof. Each area had a fire pit, with vents for smoke. Most dwellings had several rooms, and they actually seemed to be quite comfortable, even by today's standards.

We tried to imagine what life must have been like for these people, living in the beautiful valley in these well-constructed homes. They farmed and hunted the valley for years, until resources were depleted and they were forced to move on.

On the hike back to the car, we encountered a rattlesnake. A real life rattlesnake in his natural habitat. We were extremely careful, gave him a LOT of room and respect, and just watched him inch up the hill. There was no mistaking his presence, the rattle is loud! This is going to be a little like "where's Waldo"...but I'll see if you guys can spot him in this pic. It took me forever. I tried to lighten his area, but its tough to tell when its small like this.

I wasn't ABOUT to get any closer to him, but how cool is that? I've never seen one in the wild before - and this one had intense black and white coloring right under the rattle. I was thankful he allowed us to observe him while he headed up the hill.

Apparently we were being pretty darn respectful, because shortly afterward we encountered two squirrels that looked like they were doing the handshake like on that insurance commercial. It was hilarious. I'm sure they were sparring over food or something, but they still smacked the heck out of each other. They did this for a few minutes, until they realized we were there.

Well kiddies - There's your monthly installment of exploring New Mexico, aka Kris' Hairbrained Adventure #953. Entertaining AND educational. Stop rolling your eyes!

Rare Book Review

2005-07-14T14:26:00.000-07:00

Ever have a book that you bought with the intent to read immediately, but it ends up sitting somewhere for years? I discovered this gem among a giant box of books in my extra room. I estimate its been there since February 2000, when we moved into the house.

Amy Tan had me hooked since I read The Bonesetter's Daughter a few years back. I still haven't read The Joy Luck Club. I know, always read things out of order, but I've got to rave about The Hundred Secret Senses, which was equally amazing and addictive. I got through this book in two days - I couldn't put it down!!

This book was incredible. One of the very few that had me physically crying tears. I usually HATE books that do this, but by the end I was left with a happy, content feeling that I haven't been able to shake all day.

The book is about two sisters - Olivia and Kwan. On his death bed, Olivia's father confesses to her mother that he has another child in his native China. Olivia's mother makes a promise to bring Kwan from China and raise her as her own. 16 year old Kwan comes to live with then 6 year old Olivia, and quickly becomes her caretaker, teaching her the Chinese language and customs. Olivia's mother is rarely around, leaving Kwan to raise her and care for her.

Olivia is often resentful of Kwan for that reason, and embarassed of her for her superstitious ways. Kwan claims she has "yin eyes" and can communicate with the dead. She also claims she can remember past lives, and tells Olivia these stories constantly. Kwan's loyalty and devotion to Olivia never fail, despite Olivia's spoiled, cold reaction to her.

Olivia, along with Kwan and her estranged husband Simon, journey to China for a magazine assignment. Kwan acts as their guide, taking them to her native village. While there, Olivia goes through a tranformation, and gradually begins to accept and love Kwan, letting go of the resentment she's built up for years.

Kwan's broken English is hilarious throughout the novel, and I simply love the way Amy Tan pulls you in with her delightful prose. Yes, I said the word delightful. I was completely sucked in after the first few pages.

There's my book review for the year - and it wasn't about Anne Rice!! (Will miracles ever cease.)

Happy Thursday!!

Rude Mayor and WOOHOO

2005-07-12T19:17:00.000-07:00

Remember me talking about the Mayor? How I'm always backing up our "little hottie mayor", because he's done great things for our fine city???

GET THIS.

Today, after a public hearing at City Hall, I met up with the little hottie mayor on my way to the parking garage. I acknowledged him. "Hi, Mr. Mayor". He nodded and smiled, and took off in front of me, just a few paces.

We get to the first exit door, and he lets it slam in my face. I was miffed, but I figured he probably didn't realize I was right behind him, so I forgive him. After all, he is the little hottie mayor who's done such great things for our fine city.

We approach the second exit door, which is down a corredor with a ceramic tile floor. This time I'm sure he realizes I'm right behind him, because of my heels going "click clack click" in my speedy little pace on the tile. He lets it slam in my face...AGAIN.

So I'm old fashioned. I understand that. But I still believe that its polite to hold doors open for all people - not just ladies, but ESPECIALLY ladies. I realize I'm not a major financial supporter of his re-election campaign, but I'm just a lower middle class accountant. I am however, a card WAVING democrat, who's backed his butt up on more than one occasion. I further realize that I'm Xena the Warrior Princess in stature compared to his ... oh 5'6ness. STILL. I may not be dripping with diamonds, platinum or Gucci, but DARNIT I used to like this man. I still look professional, and I have nice hair and smell good.

Hey - none of that should matter!!

Now - in stark contrast - his cute young male assistant who sprinted off the elevator I shared with him stopped mid-sprint down the hallway, doubled back, and made sure to wait and hold the door open for me before sprinting to the exit.

So, I'm sitting here thinking - should I write an e-mail to the mayor and demand an explanation, should I write a letter to the editor of our paper going off about how his mama didn't teach him manners, or should I blow it off?

My feelings are hurt.

Am I too old fashioned? He wasn't in a hurry, he had time to stop and address male counterparts in the parking garage and in the corridor...although I noticed today he does sort of walk like George Jefferson.

So, help a girl out - I don't want my opinion of this once wonderful city leader to be forever tarnished by his blatant lack of respect or courtesy. Should I let it go??

The women I've spoken to about this have wondered out loud why I didn't either - ask him straight up why he let the door smash my nose, or beat some manners into him with the heel of my right shoe. (And they were high heels, too!) I don't think that I should be a jerk just because he was, and maybe, just maybe, I just don't have the huevitos to take off my shoe and tonk the Mayor on the head with it.

No I'm not PMS-ing. I'm curious - how would you guys have taken that?

******

BY THE WAY. I lost another 3.2 lbs this week for a whopping grand total of 35 lbs GONE. Our wonderful meeting leader gave me a necklace of 35 colored paperclips to recognize how much I've lost. When you look at it that way, and visualize it, its really inspiring.

***********************************<-35!!

Just thought I'd share. Only 35 to go. I'm gonna do it, too.

Oh, and...

WOOOHOOOOO!!!

That'll do Kris, that'll do.

*****

Night!!

Fat Man Walking

2005-07-12T09:31:00.000-07:00

One more tidbit on my awesome husband - yesterday he said the most wonderful thing to me on my way out...

"Wow - you're looking slimmer, no?"

sigh!

*****

I caught the last bit of the Today Show before I was heading out the door this morning, and saw the piece about "Fat Man Walking". This guy plans to walk across America in an attempt to lose weight, for what he calls "rehab for the fat guy".

What stayed with me was his comment:

"If you want to disappear in America, gain 100 pounds."

From Steve's site:

Being fat is physically and emotionally painful. It diminishes the quality of the good things in life and it will ultimately bring about an early demise. So being overweight darkens every good thing that you achieve in your life and even prevents some things from happening at all.

For the last 15 years I have been slowly gaining weight and it seems that whatever I do, it just spirals ever upward. Socially, being fat is hard to deal with because I feel that am looked down upon by people even when they are not doing so maliciously. It may be human nature. You know, "survival of the fittest". Also, I feel as though I am being taken advantage of by companies and people that want fat people to buy their latest "miracle pill" or prepackaged food that will help me lose the weight.

I've touched on this before, but one of the things I hate most about being overweight is the way you're treated by people. I read an article in Glamour Magazine (the last issue, whatever it was) that was equally disturbing.

An average sized woman went into several different stores and noted how she was treated by the employees at each store. Then, she donned "fat pads" and big clothes having the effect of being around 100 lbs overweight, and the difference in treatment stunned her. People ignored her, were rude, and one woman even made a comment questioning why she'd even shop in a store that would NEVER carry her size. (I wish they would have printed the name of that store...)

I've been overweight for the past 8 years, ever since Kayla was born. I've lost 60 lbs, gained it and lost it a couple more times, and now that I've found a plan that really works, I've lost 50 so far, with about 30-40 to go. I am fully aware of how differently I'm treated being overweight versus my athletic, slim self. What ticks me off beyond all reason is that I am exactly the same person inside, heavy or not. Now that I'm the "incredible shrinking woman" as my friend has said, I'm noticing a distinct difference in how I'm treated now versus 50 pounds ago.

Another thing that amazes me is the lack of understanding. I claim full responsiblity for losing control of my weight, my health and my fitness, but I didn't plan to do this. I never made the conscious decision to let my weight get out of control. I never planned to have severe asthma, be on months of nasty steroids, and all the rest. Now that I'm healthier, I'm actively doing something about it, just like Steve is, but there are a few points I'd like to make.

Fat people are not all generally lazy people. Yes, some are, but there are also underlying medical conditions, medications, genetics, etc. that contribute to that. These conditions can cause weight gain, which in turn causes more health problems, until it spirals out of control. As in my case, many steroid asthma medications can cause wieght gain and increased appetite. Arthritis treatments do as well. Thyroid conditions and medicines also can cause weight gain. Poorly controlled medical conditions also restrict the amount of exercise one can do, ie asthma, arthritis, thyroid conditions, and chronic pain. Depression can lead to weight gain. Some birth control medications have been known to contribute to weight gain and increase in appetite. There are just so many reasons people get fat - its not all laziness or eating too much.

I know I've said this before, but its worth repeating - obesity is one of the last remaining conditions where the victim is blamed for the disease. Shoot, we don't do that to alcoholics and drug addicts, why continue to blame fat people for their condition? Alcoholics and addicts can stop using to treat their illness, its not like fat people can stop eating.

The rant continues...

I can't imagine what goes through people's heads to make them treat overweight people so badly. I'm sure the same thing that goes through people's heads when they're evil to homosexuals or those who are racist, or anyone who's different than them. Maybe its ignorance (although that's becoming a poor excuse), maybe it is human nature as Steve says, but most of all, its not right.

(rant complete)

Anyway, be sure to check out Steve's Site if you get a chance - he's got a link for a yahoo group on there so you can post supportive messages. You can also check his route and walk with him through your area - he loves visitors to break up the monotony. I think its a wonderful brave thing he's doing - its ended up raising awareness as well as helping him out. He's an inspiration.

****

On a similar thread...I once went on one single date with a jerk who said that he was appalled by an "ugly chick" who hit on him, and then even more so by a "fat chick". His response was "how dare they go out of their league like that - they should know better". Because apparently in his book, there was some unwritten law that only good looking people can hit on each other, and ugly/fat/average people need to stay with their own.

That sounds frighteningly like a racist talking about interracial marriage or something.

(SIDENOTE: I recently heard of a dating website for "pretty people only". Apparently you submit your pic to a panel of reviewers who then decide if you meet the "pretty people" requirement. If not, you can't post your personals ad. LOL If anyone finds this site, we should get together and slam them with "average" people pics - maybe that'll skew the results a bit!)

Oh! One more memory about that same jerk - he was also disgusted by a gay guy who was checking him out at the gym. What is it with homophobic guys who think that EVERY gay man wants them? Clue in - you guys are NOT what they're looking for. They're much more selective than you think.

Amazing how you can get totally turned off by a guy in less than half an hour. What an idiot. In light of my earlier rant, maybe I just answered my own question.

*****

Final thought (just because I'm a total brat)...remember when Bush said he'd fire whoever leaked the CIA identity?

Think Karl Rove'll get canned? HAHAHAHAHA! Now, when they're reminded of that promise, they call it "blatant partisan" politics. I love it.

*****

OK now I'm really done - boy, I'm on a tear today, huh!

Happy Tuesday!!

Geminis are the worst drivers...

2005-07-10T15:02:00.000-07:00

I just read this article that said Geminis are the worst drivers. A study done by Suncorp, out of Australia, had the following to say about us Geminis:

The number one worst drivers were Geminis, "typically described as restless, easily bored and frustrated by things moving slowly," explained Warren Duke, Suncorp's national manager of personal insurance. "They had more car accidents than any other sign."

Please.

Up until a month ago, I'd never had a moving violation. I've never caused a serious accident. I'm a little famous for forcing my way in during a merge situation, but that's just because New Mexico drivers refuse to allow any courtesy to merging vehicles. You sort of have to do that here.

No, I'm not defensive.

Here's the list, from worst to best, which is hooey:

1. Gemini (not!)

2. Taurus

3. Pisces

4. Virgo
5. Cancer
6. Aquarius
7. Aries
8. Leo
9. Libra
10. Sagittarius
11. Scorpio [and Capricorn in last position as the best drivers]

Can I just say that I work with someone in a supervisory position who is a Scorpio and not the best driver. I have to hold on for dear life so I don't flop around the inside of the truck. Turn signals are just a suggestion, stop signs are optional, and only weenies slow down for speed bumps. Just saying.

My oldest daughter Emily is a Capricorn, and I can totally see where she'd be a great driver. She's got a great big sense of responsibility, so that makes sense.

Anyway, check it out and see what you think!

*****

Scalzi'smovie assignment, (although I'm a bit late)...

My first double date was with my parents, and we went to go see Transylvania 6-5000. The plot summary, from the website:

"Two reporters travel to a strange castle in Transylvania to investigate the apparent reappearance of Frankenstein, and encounter such kooky creatures as the sensitive Wolfman, the horny Vampiress Odette, as well as a whole cast of other weirdos."

It had Jeff Goldblum, Geena Davis, Ed Begley, among others. The coolest thing about that movie was the phone - it was a lizard and it made the coolest ring noise.

Anyway, check it out if you get a chance. Its so bad, its hilarious.

*****

That's it for me this fine Sunday afternoon...

Look At My Lame 4th of July Pics (AKA Monday Photo Shoot)

2005-07-05T20:04:00.000-07:00

This one's sure to bore Joe to tears. Ask me if I care. Out of 2,984 shots, that was the best fireworks pic. How's that for pathetic?!? (more below)

Our Hard Hats for Heroes event ended up raising a little over $72,000. I'd consider that a success. AND I got my 1.5 milliseconds of fame with a little 10PM news interview. I didn't look that bad, either. I was amazed. What was funny is that my boss ended up on the same little clip, even though he was outside working the Wal-Mart collecting money while I was in the cool air conditioned office counting it. My television debut, and if you blinked, you missed it!

I'd still like to encourage everyone to google "Operation Home Front" and see if there are similar needs in your community. This program bridges the gap between civilian and active duty pay for reservists and guards who are called to duty. Its something we can do from here, and it benefits people who are dying on our behalf daily. Did I mention it was tax free with zero administrative costs? (No I still don't agree with this ridiculous war, but that doesn't mean I don't care about the brave souls that have been deployed.)

Ok more lousy pics:

Here's a little better one of the glow, although just a little out of focus... (Just a little!!)

Our very expensive tricentennial blah blah City of Albuquerque balloon inflating...

This one, taken with Andrea in mind....

And the best one of all....

I thought I'd leave you with this little piece a friend of mine told me about today, from the late great Red Skelton:

As a schoolboy, one of Red Skelton's teachers explained the words and meaning of the Pledge of Allegiance to his class. Skelton later wrote down, and eventually recorded, his recollection of this lecture.

I - - Me; an individual; a committee of one.
Pledge - - Dedicate all of my worldly goods to give without self-pity.
Allegiance - - My love and my devotion.
To the Flag - - Our standard; Old Glory ; a symbol of Freedom; wherever she waves there is respect, because your loyalty has given her a dignity that shouts, Freedom is everybody's job.
United - - That means that we have all come together.
States - - Individual communities that have united into forty-eight great states. Forty-eight individual communities with pride and dignity and purpose. All divided with imaginary boundaries, yet united to a common purpose, and that is love for country. (NOTE FROM KRIS: its obviously 50 now)
And to the Republic - - Republic--a state in which sovereign power is invested in representatives chosen by the people to govern. And government is the people; and it's from the people to the leaders, not from the leaders to the people.
For which it stands
One Nation - - One Nation--meaning, so blessed by God.
Indivisible - - Incapable of being divided.
With Liberty - - Which is Freedom; the right of power to live one's own life, without threats, fear, or some sort of retaliation.
And Justice - - The principle, or qualities, of dealing fairly with others.
For All - - For All--which means, boys and girls, it's as much your country as it is mine.

And now, boys and girls, let me hear you recite the Pledge of Allegiance:

I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America, and to the Republic, for which it stands; one nation, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

--Red Skelton

Something we the people as well as our leaders should take note of.

I hope everyone had a fantastic, safe, somewhat uneventful holiday.

Happy Tuesday!!

Iced Tea Sucks Rocks.

2005-06-30T20:22:00.000-07:00

What a cool shot of the little one! She was doing the Lipton Plunge. Remember that stupid commercial?

So iced tea sucks. Diet Coke it isn't. I miss the sweet nectary fizzy goodness of my drug of choice. I miss swishing it around a little in my mouth so the fizz doesn't burn going down. I miss the burps. I miss treating myself to a big a** Diet Coke from Sonic after a hard day's work. (Sonic has the good ice. So does the gas station by the office. The ice makes the drink. I'm obviously sicker than I thought.) Its especially good with just a few lemon wedges thrown in. Oh, man.

I've been nursing this iced tea with lemon juice packages for three hours and its not tasting any better. Its smarmy (a krisism meaning the wrong temperature and generally disgusting). Room temperature, all ice melted, cool condensation on the outside of the cup gone. And most of all...its not Diet Coke. And it gives me hiccups.

POUT!

The whiney stage. That's what we're calling this phase of withdrawal.

So yeah I'm trying iced tea. I'm liking Dansani flavored water, with raspberry and lemon flavors, but I'm afraid they have nutrasweet too. So, I'll stick to ice water with the good ice and a lemon wedge. Its a very poor substitute. Extremely poor. Boring, even.

Many have suggested the little Crystal Light powder packs you can dump in a water bottle, or sugar free Koolaid - I'm gonna try those too, if they don't have the dreaded nutrasweet. Help a girl out - if you know of anything that may come relatively close to my Nectar of the Gods...please let me know.

Darn me and my experimental inquisitive nature. Like Ahndrea said, I just wanted to prove every stupid Diet Coke bashing study wrong with a resounding "HA!" and a big nasty Diet Coke-induced belch, fist raised and all.

Sigh. <hiccup>

Congratulations LeAna!!

2005-06-29T18:43:00.000-07:00

Congratulations Le!!! Best wishes for a wonderful life together.

Love you always...

Hi I'm Kris, and its been 24 hours since I had a Diet Coke.

2005-06-22T15:39:00.000-07:00

I don't know how long I can handle this. We'll see if it lasts four whole days. I want to prove to myself that I'm overweight and it has nothing to do with my addiction to diet coke.

*****

Its hotter than a rat's butt in July here in beautiful downtown Albuquerque, NM..."but its a dry heat". Whatever. When your shoes melt to the asphalt, its hot.

Hot = grumpy women. I feel sorry for you guys out there having to put up with us. There's just something about the temperature rising that causes more slaps, bruises, raised voices and finger throwing. Sorry everyone.

****

So my best friend is getting married this weekend, the dress is here (and I don't look like a giant sushi roll, thank gawd), and we're heading down the home stretch. I know it'll be beautiful, despite her freakage, and even if its outside during the hottest part of the day in the middle of summer.

JUST KIDDING it'll be beautiful. I'm the totally supportive best friend, honest! If nothing else, it'll be over and done with, and she'll be Mrs. LeAna Pickledude. (heh. love you, Le.)

Pictures will follow, if they're good. That's the rule. Crappy pictures don't get posted, unless its after my huge weight loss and its a "before" picture, with a caption under the "after" one saying "results not typical". I swear I'll get there, and put that darn disclaimer there myself.

*****

My body's doing strange things, speaking of weight loss. I had the huge 5 lb weight gain two weeks ago, lost 3.6 lbs last week, and this week I lost/gained nothing. The scale did not move, despite all the stuff I did. SO, this week I'm eating more protein and bumping up some exercise and we'll see what happens. The joys of plateaus. I'm sick of saying I've lost 40 lbs. I want to say I've lost 50 or 60.

*****

I'm tempted to go the whole week without the Nectarof the Gods and see if that has any effect. Like I said, we'll see how long I last. (eeeek.) I wonder if anyone else swore off D.C. after reading that article...

Any one else thirsty??

Of COURSE fat people drink diet soda.

2005-06-21T14:20:00.000-07:00

So I saw this study "Drink More Diet Soda, Gain More Weight" on AOL's Welcome Screen, just like everyone else, and I thought....HA! THAT'S what it is!! The smoking gun!! I can now become Instant Pathetic Victim, and blame my problem on something else!!

Not.

I got to thinking about it, and after reading the results, I realized its pretty obvious that overweight people are more likely to drink diet soda. We're not idiots. If we can drink something that tastes sweet and relatively yummy for ZERO calories, of course we're gonna. (Duh?) Doesn't it make sense that if you're fat, you'll reach for the diet soda versus the 250 calorie Coke with all that sugar?

That has to be a huge factor. Honestly, there aren't many people out there as kooky as me - those who actually prefer the taste of the diet soda. (I can't stand that gritty nasty feeling you get after drinking a regular coke. Blech.) One of my girlfriends switched from Dr. Pepper to Diet Dr. Pepper and jump started her diet. She lost about 7 lbs doing that alone. So there!

Besides, as my dad always said, the diet coke cancels the calories you've previously eaten. The formula works thusly:

(1 Big Mac + 1 Large Fries + 1 Milkshake)/large amount of guilt + 1 Big A** Diet Coke = 0 Calories.

Obviously I'm kidding, but check out this quote from the article: Fowler is quick to note that a study of this kind does not prove that diet soda causes obesity. More likely, she says, it shows that something linked to diet soda drinking is also linked to obesity. It could be like they say, that our bodies crave more calories when we're "tricked" out of them with diet foods. That makes more sense.

So, new study idea: Let's take a Diet Cokeaholic, like me, and deprive them of their lifeblood for a six month period, ceteris paribus (without changing anything else), and see what happens. (I'm currently starting to experience withdrawals just thinking about that as I type it.) Let's just see if it has a direct impact on appetite and weight gain.

My one vice. I've quit smoking, cut down on internet time, given up red meat, started exercising, joined Weight Watchers...I want to cling to that one vice. The one semi-harmless thing that brings me so much joy. Nectar of the Gods...my Diet Coke.

I want PROOF, darnit.

Logging off before thunderstorm zaps another entry...

Happy Tuesday!!

Monday Photo Shoot: RED

2005-06-14T10:37:00.000-07:00

Your Monday Photo Shoot: Picture something red. Show it to us.

Yeah, so I took another shot of the roses in my yard. I love these, because they remind me of Alice in Wonderland "painting the roses red".

So there's my contribution - enjoy!

pssst - told ya it'd be more positive today.

Happy Tuesday!!!

Ventage.

2005-06-13T09:57:00.000-07:00

Also taken in my yard. I don't know why I was compelled to take this shot, but I like it. For some reason, it conveys a feeling of hope.

As many of my regular readers know, I use this page to vent, celebrate, share, and do whatever else I feel like, because its my place. This is therapy for me in a removed sort of way, and its been a blessing to have a place to do whatever I want.

Given that, I want to point out a few things I've learned over my almost 34 years (33 + 362 days) on this planet. I'm going to try to do this with tact. I'm sure you'll let me know if I succeeded. This is me venting in a constructive way. (I hope.)

Most importantly, I've learned that feelings are never "wrong". Everyone's entitled to them. If I feel a certain way, it is never "wrong". I feel it, and therefore its valid. I may have taken something wrong, and therefore I misunderstood whatever it was, but I'm still entitled to feel. I'm also entitled to express any feeling I may have, whether its here, or at home, with friends, or in my little head.

I've learned that life is very short, and very precious, and you will miss people close to you very very much when they're gone. Cherish each moment.

I've learned that forgiveness isn't easy, but its necessary. Its great to get to the bygones stage, if possible. (big if)

I've learned that while you should forgive people, its important not to forget. There's always a lesson.

I've learned that family and loved ones will be the very first to hurt or take advantage of you, because they know you love them, trust them, and will forgive them for whatever they do. This includes blood relatives, inlaws and friends. They will do very tacky snarfy things and expect youto turn the other way. They will turn their backs on you when you need them, but expect you to be right there when they need you. Given that, they can always count on me to be right here, ready to do the right thing, no matter what.

In that, I've learned that just because other people are jerks doesn't mean you have to be. (Thanks Jim G. for that one.)

I've learned that its important to never give up. Keep going. Keep trying. Keep doing. Someday you'll get it right.

I've learned that you will discover who your true friends, loved ones, and fans are when something really bad happens to you. Thank you for always being here. You know who you are.

I've learned that love is expressed in many ways. It may be to identify an addictive behavior and refuse to participate. It may be to tell a third party something very personal in order to get help for a loved one. It may be to remove yourself from a situation. It may be providing a shoulder to cry on. It may be an e-mail. It may be a hug, a card, flowers, a diamond ring...or in my case, it may be your husband making your lunch for you to take to work. (love you sweetie)

I've learned you have to take everything with a truckload of salt. You have to let things roll off, and constantly ask yourself "How important is it?"

I've also learned that everything happens for a reason. This was the hardest lesson learned, I think. It was hard because it was painful, and the road getting here was incredibly bumpy and sometimes non-existant. I owe everything to that journey, good and bad, and I'm glad I had those experiences.

Finally, I've learned you have to let go. I'm still working on that one. I know its important, but I'm having a hard time doing it. I know that if I don't do it, I'll continue to be hurt and it'll take longer to heal,but its necessary. Its time.

I've had a big blow dealt to me today, and I'm going to try very hard not to give any credit to the individual who tried once again to bring me down. I'm not going to give this person one more minute of my time or energy, because its mine and I have better things to do. I'm getting stronger, more independent and better, and all the credit for getting here belongs to me.

This year is gonna be even more awesome than last year, and that's really something.

Thank you for giving me this place to vent, speak my mind, and be me. More positive stuff to come.

Happy Sunday & My First Saturday Six

2005-06-12T14:24:00.000-07:00

What an awesome rose, huh! I took this in my yard today. I felt the urge to prune rosebushes, and I have the scratches, puncture wounds and owies to prove it. I actually had a branch snap back and smack me in the face, thorns and all. Owey. I've realized this sort of comedy routine is the story of my life. I can't ever do anything with a normal outcome, whether its pruning rosebushes, searching for a job, romance or parenting. Everything has to have a punchline. Sometimes that's annoying.

*****

Breaking news: Aileen's at her new home, settled and happy. I couldn't be happier either. She made it!!

*****

Stupid tourist trick of the week: I was stopped in the Wal-Mart and asked, "We saw some white stuff on the top of the mountain range. What is that stuff?"

I replied, "Snow." I got the deer in headlights look.

(What else would it have been?!? Now I'm wondering what THEY thought it was...?? booga booga)

*****

My First Attempt at Patrick's Saturday Six:

1. When was the last time you looked your significant other in the eye and told him or her how much they mean to you?

Every single day.

2. Which business do you have the longest continuous relationship with: your bank, your auto insurance provider, your home telephone provider, your cellular phone provider, or your cable company? How long have you been with them?

Home telephone. Its a love/hate relationship, mostly involving hate. Effing Qwest.

3. What is the mostembarrassing question you've ever been asked?

How much do you weigh??

4. You have the ability to snap your fingers and be instantly transported to one of three places whenever you wish to go there. Which three places would you select as your destinations?

1. New Orleans!!!!!!!!!!!!
2. Someplace where I can see the ocean, because I never have.
3. Egypt

5. Last week, the Reader's Choice question asked you to identify your favorite movie line. Later this month, the American Film Institute will list the 100 Greatest Movie Lines of all time. Which one do you expect to win?

"They used to be fat and juicy, and now they're twisted. They had their lives stolen. Well, they taste sweet, but really they're just humiliated grapes. I can't say I'm a big supporter of the raisin council."

"Did you see those, those raisins on TV? The ones that sing and dance and stuff?"

"They scare me."

"Yeah, me too."

"It's sick, the commercial people make them sing and dance so people will eat them."

"It's a shame about raisins."

"Cannibals."

"Yeah."

--Sam & Joon, on raisins, from Benny & Joon. No, I don't expect it to win, I'm just saying it should.

6. You are given the gift of an original oil painting by any famous artist. What painting would you choose and why?

Starry Night by Van Gogh, because its amazing, and because you said I could pick any one I wanted.

*****

My life's so uneventful right now (thank GAWD) that's all I've got. Right now I'm choosing to live vicariously through my friends who actually HAVE a life, and enjoying uneventful bliss. Sometimes peace and calm is a good thing.

MUAH!

Happy Sunday!

Now for a nap...

Purgorama

2005-06-07T20:04:00.000-07:00

First off, I have to mention that I have the most awesome husband in the whole entire universe. Either that or he's really really well-trained. Naw, he's awesome.

Tonight was the usual Weight Watchers meeting, and I gained a whopping 5 lbs in one week. This has got to be amazing in itself. You would have to consume like 4,000 calories a day to gain 5 pounds in a week, and I did not. Trust me, I might have enjoyed 4,000 calories a day. I did not partake in such caloric bliss. I was a pretty good girl. The caverns alone were like a 5-7 mile deal, plus I swam each day we were home, and hiked around. I so deserved to see a loss, or no change, or something less horrific this week. I know its probably water retention. Ah, the joys of being female.

ANYWAY, so I called my Louie to report my crappy news, because that's what I do. We celebrate together, he talks me down when I'm angry, and he pulls me up when I'm sad, and vice versa. You know, the whole marriage/best friend thing. Anyway, so I call him to tell him what a COW his wife is, and you know what he says??

"Don't worry mija, next week will be better. Its probably retaining water or something, no? And besides..."

(...this is why this man rocks my world...)

"I love every inch, every pound. I love you either way."

PITTER. PATTER.

*****

Ok so I'm missing Aileen terribly. I wish she'd get the heck settled already. We missed each other as she was driving through - I was in Carlsbad 750 feet underground I think. Now I have an excuse to go to Vegas, but I'm still suffering from Aileen withdrawals.

GET SETTLED ALREADY. I MISS YOU!!!

*****

Finally, my extremely sexy Aussie friend Drew sent me this article, about a former Hooters waitress who decided to sue after she felt she was tricked by her boss. Apparently there was an incentive promotion going on where if you sold enough beer, you would get a new Toyota.

...or so she thought.

Instead she was given a "toy Yoda". A $40 replica of the little green guy from Star Wars.

Get it? I do. Not funny. She didn't think so either.

Apparently the restaurant regularly had these sort of incentive deals for their employees, with real actual prizes. So she sued the owners of the restaurant, alleging breach of contract and fraudulent misrepresentation. In the suit, she is asking for the cost of a new ACTUAL Toyota.

I hope she wins.

****

I'm back at work. Darnit. I lost my joy when the alarm went off at dark thirty Monday morning. I know, I'm working on the attitude as we speak. Vacations are never long enough.

****

I guess that's it for now.

Happy Tuesday!!

Roadtrip, Part Deux

2005-06-05T10:24:00.000-07:00

I had to borrow these images from the official site, because dorkbrain left her camera in her car (which stayed in Albuquerque). Anyway, if anyone for whatever reason decides to visit New Mexico at some point in their lives, Carlsbad Caverns is a must see. I was born and raised here and this was my first trip - I wish I would have gone long ago, because its simply amazing.

The story goes that 16 year old Jim White found this cave in 1898 after seeing the bats fly out in the evening. He was a rancher at the time, and he thought he was seeing smoke. For those of you that don't know, if you're a rancher and you see smoke, you investigate, because usually its grazing land that's burning. Anyway, he went down and started exploring by candlelight or kerosene lamp, and he'd mark his trail by burning a mark with his lamp. As I told Emily, you'd either have to be very brave, or a new level of stupid to lower yourself into complete darkness 750 feet down.

You take this elevator 750 feet underground, and enter this ginormous, beautiful cave with unbelievable formations. Its just simply, amazing.

We took a guided tour and were able to experience some of the deeper caves, and our guide shut all the lights off so we could understand what the natural state of the caves was like. Talk about "advanced darkness". Spongebob said it perfectly. You couldn't see your hand in front of your face.

There was a scenic byway to take on the way back down the hill, and since we were in the Jeep I took it. Boy was everyone irritated. I guess they just don't appreciate my sense of adventure. Maybe it was the fact that they all had to pee, and going over all those bumps off-roading wasn't exactly fun...who knows. We saw some incredible views from that road, and I ignored the grouching and grumbling.

Louie pooped out, so about mid-afternoon we dropped him (and the dogs) off at the hotel and headed back to the caves. We stopped at White's City to check out the old town and the museum (creepy, surreal, dead people, enough said - we got out of there quick), bought some cheesy souvenirs, and went back up to the cave entrance.

We toured the big room once more, which amounts to about a mile and a half of walking up and down paved trails, and marveled at nature. We headed back up to the natural cave entrance and waited for the evening bat flight. Bats are kinda stinky, we discovered, but they're cute. Little tiny things.

Next time, I'll bring the camera.

Holy Freakin' Roadtrip, Batman.

2005-06-03T20:35:00.000-07:00

So we've traveled over 700 miles in the past week, and we had a BLAST.

First we went "up north" to Canjilon, New Mexico, to visit some of Louie's family and Alberto's grave. Something about that mountain air does a soul good. I think Louie was so fortunate to have grown up in such a beautiful area.

There's a little church in front of the graveyard that has the coolest hand carved sculpture of Jesus and Mary. Louie told me a story to go with it - apparently when he was a small child, everyone participated in "Penetentes", where they would cause physical harm to their bodies with barbs and whips for the few days leading up to Easter each year, and it all took place at this little church near the graveyard. It terrified him as a child, seeing these grownups literally mame themselves during this event. Maybe next year I can actually get down from the car to get a better shot...

Finally, these cliffs inspired one Georgia O'Keefe to paint them from a spot near the Ghost Ranch...

Aren't the colors amazing? No wonder she was so inspired. Anyway, we ended up coming home and resting before we went "down south" to beautiful downtown Carlsbad, New Mexico to see the caverns.

Guess who FORGOT HER FREAKING CAMERA in the car. YEP! I'll post more about that trip shortly. Part Deux coming soon...