The Daily Purge

The Inevitable Gratitude Post. No Barfing.

2008-11-26T12:44:00.000-08:00

Learn to get in touch with silence within yourself
and know that everything in this life has a purpose.
There are no mistakes, no coincidences,
all events are blessings given to us to learn from.

~ Elizabeth Kübler-Ross

Yeah. What she said.

As I deal with my current "blessings" I wish countless others on you, my friends. Not the "learning experience" kind I'm going through, but the kind that bring you true joy and happiness.

My current gratitude list:

My daughters - significant of all things hopeful in my life

My Sue - my angel

My dogs - my familiars - the source of all unconditional love

My friends - thank you for being here

My health

My education and qualifications and certifications, aka all the framed docs on "The Ego Wall" (thank gawd I got that done)

Forgiveness, in general

Colorful paperclips

My Krusty the Klown pen that screams supportive happy thoughts at about 20 gazillion db (thanks Cornelius)

Elvis Presley, Katy Perry, Brandy Carlile, Mozart, Pavarotti, Journey, The Who, ACDC, Seether, Miranda Lambert, Pink, the chicks and everything else I've cranked up to deal

My magic 8 ball - for all those big life decisions

From the bottom of my heart...Have a wonderful and safe Thanksgiving.

MWAH!

Internal Joy, aka the Positive Mental Attitude

2008-11-24T15:43:00.001-08:00

Typically, extraordinarily happy people make me fantasize about performing violent acts. I'm talking about the kind with one emotion, crazy happy, bubble headed dorks who are just always...happy. The kind that are borderline insane, and they always have a ridiculous smile on their faces.

You just know they're not really that happy, all the damn time. There has to be some psychosis there, just under the surface.

Lately, as I don my "management mask" for work, I've had the fake happy. The kind you have to portray to your coworkers and subordinates when you're supposed to pretend like everything's okay, because attitude is everything and there's no "I" in "team" and every other crappy team building slogan you've ever been forced to memorize. You know...the McCain kind of smile. The kind that looks like it just has to hurt. The kind of smile that makes a little crackle noise, because it took every muscle in your face straining at full capacity to make it happen. It has somewhat resembled the psycho happy, just not as ridiculous.

This weekend I became fully aware of internal joy. Not mine (yet), but someone elses. I've known this woman - we'll call her Monica - for years, and always been aware of her positive attitude, but observing her Saturday drove it all home.

I volunteered to proctor a certification exam this weekend. I'd done it in shorter stints before, and if you've never proctored a four and a half hour exam before I can describe it to you pretty easily: Four and one half hours of the equivalent to watching paint dry or grass grow. Part of the duties of the proctor include watching examinees to ensure that they don't attempt any mischief. (I added the duties to seem less stalkerish - I don't just stare at people.) I suffer from ADHD, so by the time it was over I was ready to run around the parking lot a few times and take the building down block by block, but I digress...

Monica took the exam this weekend. Monica is always positive, supportive and nurturing. She very rarely complains, and she always tries to find the good in any situation. She's what I aspire to be in the emotional health spectrum.

I watched her take the exam this weekend, and do you know that during times of such concentration and frustration, computing accounting equations, she still smiled and had a calm and peaceful demeanor? Her calculator stopped working mid-exam, and she STILL maintained that inner peace.

In the recent past, I described my current work situation to her, and she helped me to see how the huge positives outweighed the one negative by quoting one of Covey's messages in Seven Habits.

I want to be that. I want to be wise and serene and peaceful. I want my current situations to have less of a negative impact on my behavior and demeanor than they do now. I don't want to be Snatchy McGrouchypants, and I'm tired of allowing others' actions dictate my mood.

Is that a superpower, or is that Prozac? Can someone fill me in?

Forever the optimist...

2008-11-13T13:50:00.000-08:00

Y'all know how I roll. I try to find the good in every situation or experience (shaddap. I do try to, I'm just not always successful).

So the current hell I find myself in has some wonderful points:

1) I no longer am hiding anything from the people closest to me. Well almost all of those people, anyway.

There is no longer a giant stinky glowing laughing skeleton in my closet, and that big monkey on my back?
Gone.

2) I have discovered who I can (and cannot) count on when hell arrives on my doorstep and makes itself comfy.

I had an e-mail from my beautiful wonderful sister-in-law (brother's wife) that
made me cry happy tears last night. The best line in that e-mail that I'll remember for the rest of my life..."...and you are OUR family". That's just a smidge of the support that's been pouring in from people that I know (now) that care about me. Its nice to have that reaffirmed, I just wish it didn't take a crisis to remember that people love me. I should just know and I'm the stupid one for not knowing.

3) I can find pleasure in simple things.

Like the way my lil dog snuggles up next to me, lays his head in my lap and looks at me as if to say "its all good mama". Or the incredible kindness and helpfulness that comes from my oldest. Or the way my youngest gives the best neck hugs, or her crazy laugh. Or that end of the day purge ritual with Sue that just makes everything okay. Or just how amazingly blue the sky is today...

4.) I now understand that the only thing constant is this world is change, and that's not necessarily a bad thing.

One simply must not take anything at all in this world for granted. When you become attached to something is exactly the point in time when the universe decides you need to become detached from it. So my job is not secure. No one's is right now. This is my opportunity. I could find something with more security that provides more professional growth. Companies are always going to need people to count their money. Until we switch back to bartering, I think I'm good. I have been at the rock bottom - on welfare, on food stamps, starving - and I've made it out. I can do this. I can handle it. Change is good.

Change is good.

5.) I know now that settling is for wusses.

I deserve every happiness. I deserve to be cherished and loved enough to be told the truth. I deserve to be with someone that wants to be with me. I deserve companionship and honesty and love. I don't have to put anyone (except my kids) before my own personal comfort and well-being unless I choose to.

6.) I know that everything's going to be fine.

I came out of my last two hells (1994 and 2002) stronger, better, happier and more confident. This is the dawn of a new era. A housecleaning, so to speak. I'll be stronger, better, happier and more confident on the other side. Best of all, I'm finally being true to myself. Its a good feeling.

Doesn't mean I'm not scared to death, though.

7.) My kids are more mature than I ever realized.

They're also happiest when I'm happy too. I was scared and hesitating and it was totally unnecessary. They never cease to amaze me. They are hands-down the two best humans on this earth. Its unconditional love, and it never waivers. They're awesome.

8.) There's two catalysts out there responsible for the biggest changes in my life.

One, I'd like to strangle and/or flying bitch slap (when a regular one just won't do) for a complete lack of judgement and otherwise selfish behavior. The other I thank the gods for every single day. The single brightest light happiest ending best story ever, and it makes everything else worth while. Thank you Cornelius for being that light at the end of my very dim tunnel.

9.) I have met the COOLEST people during this process.

Those who have been there/done that, those who have opened their hearts and shared their stories with me, and those who have just quietly supported me by just their presence. (dang that sounded Obama-ish). There are a bunch of bloggers out there that I read religiously just because I can look at their lives now and go "that'll be me in a couple of years". I do it mostly anonymously, because otherwise I'd seem a little...cyberstalker-like. They're all in my favorites list. There are countless others, and they do NOT include Joe the Plumber.

So here's my preemptive and premature thankfulness entry. There will be more. I'm trying to find something to be grateful for every single day.

Random 1st Grade Facts & Gratitude

2007-11-20T12:35:00.000-08:00

Quote of the day from Granny Moon:

The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials. ~ Chinese Proverb

*******************************************

Three things I didn't know yesterday, as told to me by three first graders on their way to recess:

"I have a cousin named Chris. He's already dead." Great that we have the same name, bad that he's dead.

"My brother killed a rabbit. We ate it. It was goooood. My brother gave me the hind leg to play with and it still moves!" Well there's an anatomy lesson...

"I saw a naked person!" He said this while slipping away, so teacher doesn't hear and he doesn't get in trouble...then quieter, "...in a magazine!" (runs away as fast as his little legs will carry him)

*************************

My annual (daily) gratitude list:

I'm completely thankful for:

My children, my angels, my babies...they continue to amaze me each and every day. I get to be their Mom!

My health. Those of you that have been reading for a while know that's not a given with me. Here's to good health, and continued good health.

My friends and family. My friends tolerate me so very well. I'm not worthy. Thanks for always putting up with my crap.

My job. I finally have a place I can go each day that I actually enjoy. I love what I do, and I'm paid very well for doing it. I try to never take that for granted.

My hitos. I feel like each animal I have in my life was heaven-sent, and I'm fortunate to have their little hearts in my life.

The little things. Multi-colored paperclips, a great song, my Elvis pens, the flowers in my yard, a car that starts each morning, a squoogie pillow, cinnamon iced tea, Dr. Pepper lip gloss, a smile, a hug and a squoogie pillow.

Life is still good.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Tags: 1st graders, Thanksgiving, gratitude

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

2008-10-20T14:48:00.000-07:00

Strange how just when you get comfy, the universe pulls the rug out from underneath you, shakes it violently to get all the sand and crap out of it, turns it upside down and puts it back.

Everything in my life, every aspect of my life, is going through some sort of adjustment right now. My job isn't so secure anymore. My marriage is kaput, and I've recognized it and am making the proper adjustments (with a little nudging from my cheerleaders). My oldest is in her senior year of high school and getting ready to do the college education thing. My youngest has started junior high - ack the tween thing. Let it be done! - and adjusting just fine. I'm looking for a new place, and starting everything over.

The crazy thing is that the longer I'm involved in this change thing, the better things become. I'm excited about having my own place, where I can walk around scratchin myself. I'm excited about going through all of our mountains of crap and getting rid of useless junk. I'm excited about where my oldest is going and all the things she'll get to do and see. I'm excited (and scared!) for my youngest, but its so awesome watching her grow and learn.

I've mourned the loss of what we had here in worksville, and I'm ready to see what's around the corner. I hope to Elvis I get to stay here. I love it here and I love what I do and I love the people I work with. But, I might not get to stay here, and ... know what? That's just fine too. I've done graduated and I've got years of experience behind me and letters behind my name. I've got friends and colleagues and I know how to network. I will have the opportunity to teach others how to do what I do. I'll be fine. We'll be fine.

I've mourned the death of my marriage as well. 13 years is a long damn time to be together. As 0ur family physician put it so delicately... "Kris, there's a fine line between loyalty and stupidity. You're a saint." Yanno, not so much. I've got so much life to live and so much love to give. I grew tired of my relationship checkbook always being overdrawn. I'm just tired. The only thing worse than being lied to (more times than I care to think about or remember) is the knowledge that you were never (in that person's eyes) worth the truth. Enough said. I will always and forever love him, as he's the father of my baby and been a father to my other baby, but I'm tired of living a lie. I'm no saint. I'm no angel. I'm not perfect. I'm not a lot of things. I tried for almost 20 years to be someone I'm not, and its destroying me. Its time to be me. Take it or leave it. I'm through making apologies for who I am.

Fate, as accidental as it was, has led me to happiness. I can see it. Its within my reach. In this case, the grass really is greener. This is what I've been waiting for. Its as if I'm sitting here, fascinated, watching the pieces of the puzzle that's my life fall into place. I don't even really have to do very much. The Master Plan is coming to fruition, and I just have to make sure I'm listening and paying attention. If I get the cues right, everything will be as it should be.

My mom once told me that her 30's were the best time of her life. That's when you start making decisions for yourself without trying to please everyone else in the process. That's when your confidence kicks in and gives you the gumption you lacked before. I'm finally doing things that are best for me, and it feels freakin wonderful. I'm not scared as much of what others will think or what's best for them. Its about my kids (first, always, no matter what) and me. What's best for us right now? What will bring us joy and happiness?

Sometimes this means separating from poisonous people, even if we still love them very much. Sometimes this means ignoring what's best for others and doing what's best for us. Its doing the little things that bring smiles and positivity. We don't have to go anywhere or do anything. We can be us, and that's okay.

I watched The Holiday this weekend. Chick flick, I know, shaddap. There's a scene in the movie where one of the characters is describing this horrible heartbreak she's suffering, and the man she's eating dinner with says something to the effect of...Iris, in the movies, we have leading ladies and we have the best friend. You, I can tell, are a leading lady, but for some reason, you're behaving like the best friend.

From now on, I'm the leading lady in my own life. Holy crap this feels awesome.

The Death of AOL

2008-10-09T17:28:00.000-07:00

Its just sad. I know, I haven't written or posted since - what was it December? - but still. AOL J-Land died years ago with the advent of those stupid banner ads - any ordinary idiot could have predicted THAT - but now to bayonet the wounded to make sure we're dead...its just sad.

Who would have known that AOL would stop listening to the consumer and die a slow and painful death? Who could have predicted that a series of drastically horrible business decisions would mean the demise of the internet giant? It seems that if they'd just listened to their customers, they'd still be around. Weren't we all begging them to stop sending countless random CDs out to the masses? Those things cost zillions I'm sure, and we used them for carpentry and art projects and to make tables stop wobbling. Then...the banner ads. Chasing the remainder of their loyal customer base out in the name of corporate greed, without even considering how the consumers would react.

I remember logging on the first time in 2000 and thinking AOL was the SHIZNIT. I spent hours IMing my friends and learning about chatrooms...making my own first personal homepage and then this - the purge. A place where I can come and exercise the writing muscle, keep in touch with my friends, make new ones ... all while doing something I love - writing. Its just kind of sad that the door is closing on that era forever. There are memorial journals of those who have since passed that will be lost to us always (AOL refuses to transition them because you have to opt in, and that's hard if you're no longer with us), and those of us who have chosen not to blog anymore, thus saying a quiet farewell.

I hope we all decide to keep writing and purging and communicating on some other format and I hope I find you all as well. Maybe everyone will make the smooth transition, and my friends will go look for me. In return, I promise to try to blog more often.

My new address: http://mydailypurge.blogspot.com/

Look me up, subscribe, whatever. Let's not lose each other forever. Feel free to e-mail me and send me your new addy.

As one door closes...another door is opening and my little world is changing.
I'll give more specifics shortly.

Tags: AOL Journals, AOL J-Land, kristeenaelise, The Daily Purge

I agree. Bored really should be a mood choice.

2004-08-05T12:21:00.000-07:00

Just seeing if this works. This quiz was fun. I'm bored.

OK so it didn't work. Fine. Old fashioned way is cool too. So I took this quiz and there were options, yada yada and here's what it spit out.

Wait....am I hot headed?? pfffft Is that because red's one of my favorite colors? Wait - I'm a gemini. Give it a few minutes or days and that could change. I'll like deep purple again tomorrow. Or maybe it'll be orange....

*****************************************************

You are a faerie of the flame. You tend to lose your temper at the littlest thing, hot-headed. You're a loyal friend to those who can understand your raging moods. You're social though claim not to be. You are no one else but yourself and sometimes you try to hard to be just that. You're a passionate friend, and would do almost anything for those you care for.

http://quizilla.com/users/paintedongrin/quizzes/What's%20your%20inner%20Faerie%3F/ What's your inner Faerie? brought to you by http://quizilla.com

pondering...

2004-08-05T09:19:00.000-07:00

OK guys help me out here....I'm thinking about cutting my extremely boring ultra long straight hair like this. Maybe a little longer so I can still put it up when it feels like we're 2 inches from the sun (like yesterday). I put three of them up there for perspective. NO I'm not crushing on Ann Curry - We have similar physical features, ie the shape of our heads...that's all.

Since the someone in my life who wouldn't let me cut my hair is no longer in my life - I want something totally different. I also want something that requires ZERO blowdrying or curling irons or hairspray or mousse or any disgusting stuff like that. I did way too much of that in high school [circa 1985-1989 - think feathered hair, lots of curls, Forte hairspray by the gallon, lotsa leather, hair bands....Ratt, Motley Crue, Def Leppard, Metallica, Guns N Roses, BonJovi (aka Anchovy - I used to covet that man's hair).....LOL what were we thinking] - so I don't torture my hair like that anymore. I like it soft and touchable.

Memories - my hair was so flammable I actually caught it on fire once when I was lighting a cigarette. Of course, I also ignited one of my fingernails, a couch, the back seat of one of my vehicles, and my eye. "Uhm hey...do you smell somethin' burney?" (I don't smoke anymore thankfully)

Anyway I'm 33 years old for cryin' in the night I don't need hair down to my butt anymore. I want to look cute, professional, perky even. Good gawd did I just say "perky"? Shoot me now. Put me out of my misery. Liv - help me out here. I don't want another Kathy Lee Gifford hair disaster. (I won't take you there - trust me it was wretched) I look like Queen Dork with short hair.

Since that someone wouldn't let me get my navel pierced either....guess what I'm doing once I've got my abs looking better. HA. I'm also getting fixed. Yep, permanently. No more kiddies for me. Something else dorkbrain wouldn't let me do.

Whoa....crazy how you look back on portions of your life and go "what the f*** was that??!?" I hope I don't have much more of those. Cringers, I call them. (((shudder)))

Onward and upward....

tgif & stupid people

2004-08-06T14:48:00.000-07:00

Happy Friday!!!

I just found out my little one (7) is going to spend the night at the baseball park with the girl scout troop. I'm already pacing. Why on earth would they schedule a sleepover at a baseball park. What if it rains? What if there are roaches? What if she gets cold? UGH stupid girl scouts.

By the way for you people who aren't in Albuquerque. The name of our minor league baseball team is the Isotopes. I'm not kidding. They got it from the Simpsons. The Albuquerque Isotopes. We are an entire city of nerds. Go 'topes! (what EVER.)

I'm becoming one of those mean cynical bitter cranky "womyn" I swear. I just have become so frustrated and appalled at the general lack of intelligence in our society.

Case in point: we drug test all our applicants, for two very simple reasons. First, our work comp rates would skyrocket and we'd surely lose our coverage if we allowed drug users to work heavy underground construction projects. Second, and this is a broad generalization, illegal drug users typically aren't someone you want to employ period, for various reasons. There tends to be a desperation to their behavior, and depending on the substance, the side effects aren't too peachy. Anyway, so we drug test. Our employment ads state that very clearly. Again proving my point about the average intelligence of recreational drug users, these idiots will go and sit for an hour, pee in the cup, go through the physical and fail the drug test. Why on EARTH would anyone want to go through all that knowing they were dirty? One guy showed up completely drunk. Helloooo.....

Another case in point: why is it suddenly (or not so suddenly) so cool to act stupid? Maybe I'm just old. Ok so I'm old (shaddap), but one of my teenage step-daughter's friends tells me that Black people who go to college and get good jobs are just trying to be white. So, its cooler to talk like an idiot, dress like a thug, be a criminal, drop out of school, smoke potand lie around on mom's couch all day flipping channels. The logic escapes me. My gawd. I am old. I just sounded like everyone's dad.

Recently I've come into contact with a few individuals who are a couple of bricks short of a full load. OK maybe a couple of hundred bricks short of a full load. The kind that make you roll your eyes so hard it hurts afterwards. BUT! (big but)

There is hope. There are a few of us out there who actually dare to succeed and make a difference. My best friend in the whole world (since I was 7) is sitting for her general contractors license, just finished her degree in architecture, and is still an awesome mom and the best friend I've ever had. She just finished the design/build (yes she supervised the construction) of two award winning custom homes. She's 30. Congratulations Le - you rock. You suck because you finished before me though. Just so you know.

My mentor just got accepted to law school, right after finishing her MPA. This woman beat incredible odds and doesn't have a bitter bone in her body. She spent the early years of her life in Arkansas. It was a difficult time for African Americans in general (think 1960's - deep south). Her mother was brutally murdered when she was a child, she was sexually abused, and she was adopted by an abusive relative who basically used the three children to get food stamps, welfare and social security. She has seen and lived through horrible things in her life, and never once used that as a crutch. She uses her life experiences to gain strength and momentum. That's so inspiring to me.

Maybe I'm getting fickle in my old age, I don't know. I'm very grateful that there are people out there trying to better themselves. Maybe some of us out there (ahem) can take something from that.

Ah, screw it. I'm just getting old.

so I'm a liberal.

2004-08-05T20:54:00.000-07:00

I get a barrage of Kerry/Democrat hate mail from my ultraconservative white upper middle class coworkers and my boss. I blow most of it off as pure caca, but today I ran across a journal entry with a link debunking nearly every single anti-Kerry crapload I've received so far. The one about the houses, the one about Teresa's corporation outsourcing and charity gifts, the quotes from his fellow soldiers in Viet Nam....

http://www.snopes.com/politics/kerry/kerry.asp

Yes, you right wing conservative psychos, there's one for dubya too.

The lesson?? DO NOT ASSUME EVERYTHING YOU GET IN YOUR E-MAIL IS FACT, AND THEN FORWARD IT TO YOUR ENTIRE ADDRESS BOOK. Research, learn, seek information, make an informed decision all by yourself. Look at both sides of the picture. Go see the Moore movie, just for shits and giggles. Get both sides of the story. Do NOT go to call up Rush Limbaugh or Dr. Laura to form an opinion you're entirely capable of forming all by yourselves. "Uh wuz jest cawlin to see whut y'all thunk about (fill in the blank)..."

(cue America the Beautiful here...)

Question everything. That's the beauty of being American. We can. Supporting your country does not include blind faith in leadership. It never has. Use the rights the constitution gives us. There's a reason for separation of church and state. Politics should never be based on religion. Never ever. Read your history books people. Its why people started crossing the big water to begin with.

I voted republican once - yep, I did. The democratic candidate was an idiot. I sought facts, formed my own opinion, and voted thusly. I've cringed at Kerry's waffling, and I hate how he won't be more concrete about his views on certain things but I've also listened to the Haliburton testimony. No bid contracts. Who gets a no bid contract from the feds?!? I'd sure like one. Billions of dollars to a corporation Cheney has a large interest in for food no one received, gas no one used, etc. Hmmmmm.... facts people. Get facts.

Even if "strategery" and "Nucular" were words, if he were doing a good job I'd vote for him. If I felt I could trust him as far as my 7 year old could throw him I'd vote for him. It ain't happening.

Regardless of your political affiliation please for the love of whatever god you believe in, make an informed decision and don't believe everything you see, hear or read.

Stepping down....hrmph! So what if he's my boss. I love him too much to let him vote republican.

I miss Bubba!!!! Two more terms!! Two more terms!!

One more...

2004-08-10T10:56:00.000-07:00

You Know You're From New Mexico When...

You buy salsa by the gallon. (I really do that)

You are still using the paper license tag that came with your car five years ago.

Your favorite restaurant has a chile list instead of a wine list.

You do all your shopping and banking at a drive-up window.

Your Christmas decorations include "a yard of sand and 200 paper bags".

You have license plates on your walls, but not on your car.

Most restaurants you go to begin with "El" or "Los".

You remember when Santa Fe was not like San Francisco.

You hated Texans until the Californians moved in.

The tires on your roof have more tread than the ones on your car.

You price-shop for tortillas.

You have an extra freezer just for green chile.

You think a red light is merely a suggestion.

You believe that using a turn signal is a sign of weakness.

You don't make eye contact with other drivers because you can't tell how well armed they are just by looking.

You think six tons of crushed rock makes a beautiful front lawn.

You have to sign a waiver to buy hot coffee at a drive-up window.

You ran for state legislature so you can speed legally.

You pass on the right because that's the fast-lane.

You have read a book while driving from Albuquerque to Las Vegas.

You know they don't skate at the Ice House and the Newsstand doesn't sell newspapers.

You think Sadies was better when it was in the bowling alley.

You have used aluminum foil and duct tape to repair your air conditioner.

You can't control your car on wet pavement.

There is a piece of a UFO displayed in your home.

You know that The Jesus Tortilla is not a band. (People actually saw Jesus' image in a tortilla. No, I'm not kidding)

You wish you had invested in the orange barrel business.

You just got your fifth DWI and got elected to the state legislature in the same week.

Your swamp cooler got knocked off your roof by a dust devil.

You have been on TV more than three times telling about how your neighbor was shot or about your alien abduction.

You can actually hear the Taos hum.

All your out-of-state friends and relatives visit in October. (Balloon Fiesta time)

You know Vegas is a town in the northeastern part of the state.

You are afraid to drive through Mora and Espanola.

You iron your jeans to "dress up". (I do not iron my jeans, but a lot of people here think if you wear a suit jacket with your wranglers you're ready for a black tie affair. )

You don't see anything wrong with drive-up window liquor sales.

Your other vehicle is also a pick-up truck.

Two of your cousins are in Santa Fe, one in the legislature and the other in the state pen.

You know the punch line to at least one Espanola joke.

Your car is missing a fender or bumper.

You have driven to an Indian Casino at 3am because you were hungry.

You think the Lobos fight song is "Louie, Louie"

You know whether you want "red or green."

You're relieved when the pavement ends because the dirt road has fewer pot-holes.

You can correctly pronounce Tesuque, Cerrillos, and Pojoaque.

You have been told by at least one out-of-state vendor that they are going to charge you extra for "international" shipping. (UGH!! How about the southern belle who asked me "do yew like wut we're doin fer yer cuntry?")

You expect to pay more if your house is made of mud. (AKA adobe)

You can order your Big Mac with green chile.

You see nothing odd when, in the conversations of the people in line around you at the grocery store, every other word of each sentence alternates between Spanish and English.

You associate bridges with mud, not water.

You know you will run into at least 3 cousins whenever you shop at Wal-Mart, Sam's or Home Depot.

Tumbleweeds and various cacti in your yard are not weeds. They are your lawn.

If you travel anywhere, no matter if just to run to the gas station, you must bring along a bottle of water and some moisturizer.

Trailers are not referred to as trailers. They are houses. Double-wide trailers are "real" houses.

A package of white flour tortillas is the exact same thing as a loaf of bread. You don't need to write it on your shopping list; it's a given.

At any gathering, regardless of size, green chile stew, posole, tortillas, and huge mounds of shredded cheese are mandatory.

Prosperity can be readily determined by the number of horses you own.

A tarantula on your porch is ordinary. A scorpion in your tub is ordinary. A poisonous centipede on your ceiling? Ordinary. A black widow crawling across your bed is terribly, terribly common. A rattlesnake is an occasional hiking hazard. No need to freak out.

Back to School

2004-08-09T13:19:00.000-07:00

So its that time of year that all parents dread. I guess its more bittersweet....the kiddos prepare for another year at school, which means we don't have to dream up creative ways to keep them occupied anymore, but it also means SCHOOL SUPPLIES and REGISTRATION.

Disclaimer: I love my babies. Those of you that know me realize this. They're my whole world and they're the coolest people in the universe. Thank GAWD I don't have nightmare children that I can't stand. I'd do a million back to school things for them and I will, in the hopes that someday they'll look back on this and feel compassion in their hearts and send me to the nice, licensed nursing home instead of leaving me to die alone.

School supplies - The process: Each year, parents go to fight the crowds at the supercenter/office supply/discount store of their choice. This is by far either worse than or a close second to christmas/holiday shopping. There is usually a school supplies place sectioned off for unfortunate souls like myself, who have to go purchase this huge list of supplies each August. The aisles are usually way too close together, there are no prices on anything, and where there once may have been organized bins or stacks of things is now a huge pile of items, usually half spilled onto the floor for carts to get stuck on or me to slide or trip on. Invariably, blocking almost every aisle are very huge women with four children hanging off the cart, simultaneously yelling "MOM. MOM. MOOOOOOMMMMM. MOM!!" while waving trapper keeper folders in various colors and prints in her face. There's no going around these people, so you move sort of drone-like in and out of aisles, with zero time to consider anything, because you don't want to get hit in the ankles by large-angry-mom-behind-you's cart.

The list....oy. The list always contains obscure, impossible to find items, just to make sure you're fully participating in your child's education. This year, Emily has to get a HP graphing calculator. She's in 8th grade. These things are like $100. I have the cadillac of all calculators for my profession, and mine was $89. Kayla's list consists of all brand-name items. "Fiskars" scissors, "Elmer's" Glue-All Gel, "Crayola" Bold Colors markers, and quart-sized "Ziplock" baggies. No I'm not kidding. She also needs 24 glue sticks. 24!!!! Just to insure you're paying attention and contributing enough time, resources (like gasoline and money), and patience to find all this stuff. You can never find it all in one store. Ever.

I was blessed with girls. Translation: you can't ever use anything you used LAST year again...because Mom, that's like from LAST YEAR. (gasp!) So, I have to get new backpacks - and not just any backpack - it has to be with either the right character or the right colors. (NOT pink and NOT barbie.) For Em, the extremely overpriced Invader Zim bookbag she got last May won't work because its soooo last year. This also applies to school clothes. Anything that was 'cute' during the summer, during last year, or even three hours ago is completely unacceptable. They must have all new clothes for school. As IF you didn't know that. (eye roll)

Registration involves filling out the same 20 forms that you did last year and every year prior in triplicate, standing in line after line after line to turn in said forms at different locations, and dealing with grouchy underpaid people who hate their jobs and their lives. Keep in mind that usually the air conditioning isn't on in these buildings because school hasn't officially started yet. This means tons of frustrated angry people turning in the same forms to the same grouchy people in 90-100 degree heat. Ya know it wouldn't be so bad if it were spread out over like a month or so, but its always the rat race, and my kids always have the same registration day (even though they attend different schools). This gives us approximately 2 days to get everything they need.

To you non-custodial parents out there...this is why basic child support is never enough. You get to be disney dad/disney mom and skip all this 'fun' stuff just like you get to miss doctors appointments, puking, fighting about homework, and anything else that requires the day to day participation of full time parents.

To those of you who don't have children....try not to point and laugh, and cut us a break when we hit you in the back of your ankles with our shopping carts.

I'm taking two of my vacation days to do this. I'm going to go, spend about $600-700 and countless hours fighting grouchy people in who knows how many stores and two different schools, in order to participate in my children's education. Hopefully it'll have a positive effect on the economy. Maybe consumer confidence will rise or retail sales will show recovery or some crap like that.

Back to school!!!!

mountains

2004-08-07T11:18:00.000-07:00

I'm headed to the mountains. We're gonna go creek stomping just as soon as Louie gets back with the jeep. Its gonna be awesome. That pic is from atop the Sandia Peak - yes, in Albuquerque.

I'm a little nervous about having a dead cell phone but hey - I used to do it all the time with a piece of crap car before cell phones were invented. So I'm old. I used to be a runner for my dad's company before they came out with faxes. Shaddap.

Anyways...hope everyone's having at least this good of a day. Go outside and play!

AOL Music: Keane: 'Everybody's Changing' (Li... Check it out! It's a cool song.

You can't say nuclear, and that really scares me...

2004-08-18T09:10:00.000-07:00

A poem composed of actual quotes from our president. (generally credited to "Washington Post writer Richard Thompson)

MAKE THE PIE HIGHER
by George W. Bush

I think we all agree, the past is over.
This is still a dangerous world.
It's a world of madmen and uncertainty
and potential mental losses.

Rarely is the question asked
Is our children learning?
Will the highways of the Internet become more few?
How many hands have I shaked?

They misunderestimate me.
I am a pitbull on the pantleg of opportunity.
I know that the human being and the fish can coexist.
Families is where our nation finds hope, where our wings take dream.

Put food on your family!
Knock down the tollbooth!
Vulcanize society!
Make the pie higher! Make the pie higher!

More brilliance...

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we," he said. "They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." Washington, D.C. 08.05.04

"More Muslims have died at the hands of killers than—I say more Muslims—a lot of Muslims have died—I don't know the exact count—at Istanbul. Look at these different places around the world where there's been tremendous death and destruction because killers kill."—George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Jan. 29, 2004

"As you know, these are open forums, you're able to come and listen to what I have to say." --George W. Bush, 10.28.03.

"Security is the essential roadblock to achieving the road map to peace."
--George W. Bush, July 25, 2003

"I think the American people I hope the American I don't think, let me I hope the American people trust me." - Washington, D.C., Dec. 18, 2002

"There's an old...saying in Tennessee...I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee that says Fool me once...(3 second pause)... Shame on...(4 second pause)...Shame on you....(6 second pause)...Fool me...Can't get fooled again." --George W. Bush to Nashville, Tennessee audience, Sept. 17, 2002, MSNBC-TV --Politex, Sept. 17, 2002, 10 PM

to hear bush mangle that "old texas saying" click here.

"You're free. And freedom is beautiful. And, you know, it'll take time to restore chaos and order -order out of chaos. But we will."-G. W. Bush, Washington, D.C., April 13, 2003

much more at http://www.bushwatch.org/english.htm

Body Odor-why isn't nauseated a mood choice?

2004-08-17T15:23:00.000-07:00

OK given - I work in the construction industry. Men that work in the field all day are gonna be not-so-fresh, or even ripe. I understand that.

What I don't get is people who stink. I mean STANK and aren't aware. Or they pretend they're not aware. How can they not know?!?

Case in point: Guy walks in to apply for job. Guy obviously hasn't bathed in quite some time. Guy makes two office staff choke for the 10 minutes he's in here filling out paperwork wearing a shirt that obviously hasn't seen a washing machine for quite some time. Turns out he's an ex-bullrider. No excuse. He's an equipment operator who makes damn good money. We had to fumigate afterwards. Lysol even. How could he not know that he stunk that bad??

There's another guy that works for one of our subcontractors - upper level management. He comes in here and we all have to evacuate. The guys are the only ones who can stand to be in the same room with him, and even then it can't be for long because his body odor is so horrible. I once went to a prebid and was choking and gagging the whole time because I had to be in the same room with the guy. And this one's married. I don't get how his wife could let him out like that, much less live with him. She's obviously not following through with her end of the job.

I used to manage a Pizza Hut. (shaddap.) Anyway one of my employees - a driver - used to have that problem and I actually had to write him up for it. You have to maintain a certain level of cleanliness when you're handling people's food. He bathed after a couple of warnings. He was a single, kind of lonely guy who drove a Ford Fiesta. I used to feel kinda sorry for him.

Any theories here would be welcome. I happen to think that maybe they can't smell it anymore. Maybe they just don't have the sense of smell to recognize that particular odor. The only other alternative is such low self esteem that they just don't care to bathe or bother with hygiene - ie they just don't care how they smell.

I've volunteered and worked around homeless people, and even though they don't have the luxury of daily showers and clean laundry, most of them don't smell that bad. There are a few I've run into with mental illnesses that don't have the capacity to care for themselves in that way - but other than that, its not a lack of bathing issue.

I know its a social norm, and I shouldn't push my values or beliefs on other people, but this is beyond that. This is hygiene and decency and the ability to go out and function in society. There's a choice here - its not a disability, just take a freakin shower or at least use deodorant for the love of pete.

Any thoughts? Sounds like a great topic for a philosophical discussion - is it choice? medical condition? a form of rebellion? down with the establishment kind of thing? And why is it so hard for us to confront the issue - I mean we're not talking about abortion or sexual preference here. Most people know better than to fart in public because its kind of rude and gross (even if its funny as heck) - this is on that same level.

Deodorant. One of modern society's great wonders. Maybe I'll just keep a stash in the office for emergencies, just like we stock up on Lysol.

Caffeine, Migraines and Green Chile Season

2004-08-17T10:51:00.000-07:00

Hi, my name's Kris and I'm addicted to caffeine.

Yesterday, quite by accident, I had zero caffeine. Not an ounce. I wasn't in the mood for my usual cup of coffee in the morning, and I didn't have a single diet coke all day. I did not anticipate the enormous skull busting migraine I'd have by 4 PM. I honestly didn't think I consumed enough caffeine to warrant withdrawal symptoms. OH gawd did it hit me though. By the time I got home and ate a couple of tostadas I was ready to die. I thought (silly me) that the headache and tummy trouble was because my blood sugar was so low. Long story short - I crashed at 6:30 like old people do. I was feverish, trembling, seeing the aura....I took two tylenol - no help. All night long I wanted to put the clamps on my head. This morning, I go for my usual cup of hazelnut coffee and like magic...*poof* its gone. I'm an addict. The first step is admitting you have a problem, right?

Latest discovery/addiction: since I'm not big on fruit, I'm trying new things to force myself to consume the daily requirement. So this weekend I dumped the following items into my food processor: a bag of frozen strawberries, two not too ripe bananas, about 8 packets of equal, and a splash of skim milk. I hit pulse for a while, then poured it into cups for me and the kids and oh my goodness was it wonderful. There's half the fruit I'm supposed to eat each day. Yummmmmmmmm....

Finally....its chile season. For those of you (unfortunate souls) who live outside the southwestern portion of the US (shoot even Texans have a hard time with this - And you Texans, go ahead and get miffy. Y'all just have no idea. So there.)...its chile. (pronounced chee-lay) Not the kind you get in the can with mystery meat and beans, that's "chili". This is in the pepper family and the taste is not only unique and orgasmic, its addicting. So, about this time each year you see people roasting it by the bag and the smell is unbelievable (see pics above). The official question here in New Mexico is "red or green?" for a reason. You can put chile on just about anything, and most things just aren'tright without it. Pizza, for instance. Hamburgers and/or cheeseburgers. You can actually get green chile on your Big Mac here, but they had to fight for it. I think it even went to court. Subway serves it. Yep, you can get your veggie delight with guac and green chile. They even make green chile jelly, but that's a little too much for me (blech). You can put it on eggs, or sandwiches, or bake it into cornbread....mmmmm

True Story: I traveled to Chicago for a conference once, and had the unfortunate experience of eating a chile-less pizza because, as I came to find out, people in Chicago have no idea what green chile is. I ordered pizza from this wonderful place and ordered green chile as a topping. Dude brings green pepper. Bell pepper. I was like, uhmmmm no green chile. Its spicy, its green, and it comes roasted. Dude nods like he understands, but brings back jalapenos. I gave up.

Anyway about this time of year I end up shipping off huge amounts of green chile to all my friends and relatives who made the sorry decision to leave and relocate to white bread places who have no green chile. This is the only time of year you can get it fresh, and the best thing to do is to go home and peel it and freeze it for the next year. This is why so many New Mexicans buy an extra freezer solely for green chile storage. The weird thing about it is that the longer you freeze it, the spicier it gets. I wonder why that is. Now I'm craving rellenos. (Whole chiles stuffed with cheese and batter fried, smothered in more chile.) Obviously I can't have that often, but its totally worth the 9 gazillion calories and bucketfuls of fat. My mind is wandering... ANYWAYS If you even have the opportunity to try authentic Mexican food (not tex-mex or taco bell), please do. Shoot come to New Mexico during the Balloon Fiesta and have a breakfast burrito. It's worth the trip, honest.

Mmmmmmm.....chile.....

Creepy dreams and a strange peaceful sensation

2004-08-19T21:34:00.000-07:00

So I had this crazy sort of random morbid dream last night that I can't shake.

I'm in a coffee house - think Friends with the comfy couches - and I'm kicking back with everyone who's ever been close to me who's now dead. Alberto's there, my mother, my grandmother, my great grandmother, Nash (but he's asleep which was his usual state), Judy the dog, Keith's mom, Elvis (I know - random), and John Lennon and we're kicking it. Chilling, drinking coffee, and I'm catching them up on everything they've missed since they passed away. Like I was visiting them after a long time apart. Elvis and John are at a separate table arguing about lyrical genius. Elvis is having a hard time keeping up, but the lip curl has me completely mesmerized...

Alberto tells me he doesn't like my hair, that I need to leave it alone and let it heal. My mother looks absolutely stunning, as usual. I'll post a pic of her sometime - she was amazingly beautiful. My grandmother wants to prepare a meal for us (and I'm craving chocolate Malt-O-Meal like crazy), but she's more concerned about my girls and my stress level (she was like the mom I never had - more of a mom than anyone else in my life ever was), and my great grandmother is cracking jokes as usual. It was like we were all together, that I'd lost no one and things were cool. No empty spaces in my heart whatsoever.

The kicker...Omar walks in and has a seat next to me with his iced frapuccino and we're all okay with it. Like we were waiting on him. He smells like cabbage and he's wearing black socks with sandals, which I despise. I scoot around facing him and rest my legs in his lap (my normal procedure with my best friends) and we start catching up. I've missed him so much that I give him the most enormous neck hug and he pretends to choke. (that wretched Britney Spears song is in my head now - I guess I need you baby - make it stop) ANYWAY He needs a haircut real bad, and he's pissed I cut mine. All is well.

I have these dreams occasionally where people I've lost "visit" me andtell me things they think I should know. For two years after my mother died I had dreams where she's desperately trying to either show me or tell me something and I can't understand her or can't hear her - she's always frantic. I'm glad those don't happen often anymore. Anyway...

Most of the time I wake up terrified with a sickish feeling, but this was cool. Peaceful even. Kinda like waving at me, letting me know its all good up there. What a blessing, eh? Peace is an awesome feeling.

I dream dead people. pfffft!

#@$% exercise and my new workout partner

2004-08-19T09:07:00.000-07:00

So I'm being grouchy and PMSing and generally scrunchy faced today just so everyone is fully aware and duly warned.

I gained .8 of a pound. I feel quite bovine. I hate all males today, of any species. There is no logical explanation for this - its just a hormonal reaction. Kind of like when you're giving birth and you despise the one who provided the sperm with each coming contraction. You sort of just want to rip his smiling face right off his skull....Men just suck today. All of them.

Good lawd that was mean!! LOL

Given that little disclaimer....

I finally found an exercise partner I think. She's adorable and sweet and fun and I like her tons but I'm regretting it already and I hate that. I've been away from the gym since my little "incident" in New Orleans where I near to killed myself falling out of a giant set of shark teeth. That was early June. I got the blessing to go back a little while ago and haven't. First it was summer school kicking my butt and right now well dammit I just don't want to. Hrmph!!!

I know I'll like it again once I get there and maybe I'm just being pissy. Well ok I know I'm being pissy. It will be wonderful to have someone there waiting for me because that'll force my butt to get there every day. And jeez half an hour is nothing.

Know what it is? I know what it is. I do. I hate to sweat. That's why I've been a swimmer most of my life. She's even got me looking into water aerobics. Dammit my days of unlimited excuses are over. I've only been out of the gym for 10 weeks....c'mon.

I know in a few months I'll be craving it again and feeling slothlike when I don't go. Just let me whine for a little while. Jeez.

Stupid exercise. Stupid gym. Stupid sweat. Stupid perky exercise loving people.

State Fair Time, Eclectic Music & Bizarre Food

2004-08-23T11:23:00.000-07:00

OK so maybe New Mexico is still kind of a rural, less urban sort of place. Just maybe we still have more livestock than people here still. And maybe, just maybe, we still get excited about silly little events in our towns because there's not a whole lot else to get excited about.

Given that, its almost state fair time. In this New Mexican's opinion, this is way more exciting and fun than that silly balloon fiesta. Now, to you ignorant midwesterners/east coast people...it is not where one goes to watch cow chip throwing contests (as Omar once eloquently put it). Its more than an event, its an experience. A huge one. Millions of people attend each year.

In one huge 200 acre location you can see the rodeo, art shows, antiques, native american dances, livestock from alpacas to emus to bunnies to clydesdales to longhorns to sheep, mariachi bands, giant pigs and alligators, dancing dogs, clowns who paint faces, people in giant bird costumes who pretend to eat your head, and all the carnies that can legally be in one place at one time. You can also eat a wide range of gut busters such as deep fried twinkies and oreos (gag), a green chile dog, a relleno dog, a navajo taco (to die for - the only reason I go to the fair, practically), navajo fry bread (also to die for) mexican food, funnel cake, giant smoked turkey legs, roasted corn on the cob, pizza, fish and chips, fresh baked pies, cotton candy, beer and wine, and practically anything else you crave. (Except maybe fistfuls of peanut butter with m & m's on top.)

Three weeks of total disregard for diets and bank accounts. Its a blast. Kayla & I looked it up and it starts next Thursday. We're psyched. I'm trying to figure out what I can sell to drum up money for spending on mindless crap. Some of my earliest memories are of my grandmother taking my brother and I to the fair. She made us walk through each and every exhibit (think first prize for best canned yams or something) but its one of my fondest memories. Thank god I had her to take us to stuff like that or we'd never have seen it.

Anyway if you're ever in Albuquerque in September its a must do.

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Eclectic music - after laughing aboutthis with my kids, I noticed something. Around state fair time I start listening to the country station (Dixie Chicks, Trick Pony, Martina McBride, that sort of thing.), when it gets colder I lean more toward classical music, in the spring its alternative/angry again, then in summer its pop and rap. Why is that??

Anyway the playlist from the last CD I burned: Barry White, 50 Cent, Barry White, Elvis, Hole, Dolly Parton, Lyle Lovett, KD Lang, The Jackson Five, Trick Pony, Seether, Elvis.

Here's another one: 10,000 Maniacs, Clay Aiken, Elton John, KD Lang, Indigo Girls, Pink, Prince.

WTF is wrong with me?

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On the weird foods front. Try this. Get a blue bunny lite 85 lime yogurt. Then get one of those snack sized pinapple chunks things. Open the pinapple chunks and suck out all the juice, then dump the pinapples into the yogurt. MMMMMMMM. 125 cals.

Louie loves making pinto beans in the crock pot and saying 'there's dinner'. So after picking out the pieces of flesh he uses to season it (hamhocks) I've started dumping corn and taco bell taco sauce in there... With a couple of sopaipillas from Garcia's....MMMM again.

Finally - a veggie sub from Quiznos with jalapenos stuffed in the guacamole. To die for.

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There! A post as eclectic and off the wall as I am.

(scratching my head wondering where the heck it all comes from...)

Boredom!

2004-08-20T12:33:00.000-07:00

I want to be the girl with the most cake
He only loves those things because he loves to see them break

Poor Courtney - she's so disturbed. Maybe that's why Hole was so popular.

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So I'm sitting here counting the minutes - ok HOURS till my weekend starts, listening to the boys talk about lunch at this godforsaken diner that's been closed numerous times for health code violations. I can tell they're gonna be raiding my drawer for Tums in a bit. We've got the Lysol poised and ready.

Livie Liv's been way too quiet lately and its plexing me. Hope you're ok mija I'm here if you need me. Its so hard being a teenager. I remember it sucked pretty bad at times. I'd never want to go back and do that over. My do-overs start at about 18 and continue through about 23. Young adulthood is way better and way more fun that teenagerdom.

So Marilee and I have dusted all the cobwebs, filed all we needed to file, organized to the point of obscenity, and we're going nuts. I think I'm gonna Old English our desks or something...

Random thoughts....does anyone else think Paul Sr. on American Chopper (pics above) is hot or is that my old man/biker thing coming through again? He's got great arms.

This is my last weekend before school starts up again so I'm hunting things to do. The weather's supposed to suck majorly, but if it doesn't I'm gonna steal the jeep and head up to the mountains again. I finished my latest Anne Rice this weekend. Blackwood Farm - its so incredible. Written like she used to write - didn't get bored once.

Alright well I'm gonna go clean or organize something before I go insane.

Our tax dollars at work & #$@* colds

2004-08-25T10:06:00.000-07:00

I swear I won't write everyday about being a mom to teenagers, but this really irked me. I had one of my 15 hour days yesterday. Get up at 6, take Em to school and myself to work, work till 3:30, go to class until 6:45, go to Liv's school orientation until 8, go find the temporary location for Liv's school, get home at 9.

Anyway this charter school is to help kids who've been screwing up. Olivia's pattern has been to just stop going to school because she doesn't feel like going. This is her last chance, so to speak. So this school is a charter school, this is its first year, and its been just a clusterf----well you get the idea, but I'm trying to be supportive. Its based on this NovaNet technology - translation: you sit in front of a computer all day and take an exam at the end. That's your class. The goal is to push the kids through, get them to pass, and get them their diplomas regardless of what they learn or get out of it.

Anyway, we were late getting there. That's just my M.O. I'm always late. Thank goodness we missed the first part of it because I really would have had a hard time keeping my mouth shut.

The principal is giving this orientation, and he starts talking about schoolsupplies. You need a notebook and something to write with. (Yes, one would hope you'd need at least that.) He goes on. The reason you need to take notes is that you should remember the stuff you're learning (I'm nodding.). Then he goes on to say and besides that, you'll want to have those notes handy for the exam so you'll pass, because you really don't want to have to take it more than once. (RECORD SCRATCHING NOISE) Say what?!?! Yes because they'll really be ready for college thinking they can always have an open book or notes to look at for exams. (?!?!?!)

Then he's telling these kids its groovy if they want to stay working at the McDonald's their whole lives, as long as that's what they really want to do. They'll only get workstudy (class credit for working) if the job they have is in their career of choice. Basically, you really don't have to have any goals, just get through school and have fun at your McJob. (oh hell no)

By this time Olivia is squeezing my upper arm really really hard while saying very quietly 'shhhhuttttup kris' through her teeth, because she knows I hate that crap. How in the HELL are you supposed to get ready for life thinking someone's gonna help you cut corners and break rules to get what you need? There are no people out there who hold your hand and guide you through every challenge you're gonna face.

Why is it that some (notice the 'some' I'm not going to generalize) teachers or 'educational professionals' think that its ok to baby these kids and keep them from reaching higher because the standards are so low? They ARE capable of more, they ARE capable of success and they ARE capable of doing something far more meaningful than flipping burgers their whole lives. errrrrgh this is part of the reason why our kids are walking around with this sense of entitlement - like we owe them everything. We don't. Life doesn't. Respect is earned, so is an education and so is success. No one's gonna hand it to you. Yet, that's what this school is teaching them.

ANYWAYS I kept my mouth shut for almost the whole thing. At the end, I quietly approached Mister Principle and asked him how he was going to get these kids - no actually just MY kid - ready for college. Reading, writing, researching, study skills....he really didn't have an answer for me except that he'll look into putting Olivia into some advanced courses. Oy vey. So I'm going to continue to be as supportive as I can. The ball's in her court and its up to her to finish this time and succeed in general. The really cool thing is that she's finally made a friend who's worth a crap. This girl's working full time and going to college. Yes college. Real college even. Thank goodness she finally found a role model.

I can't wait until she's parenting a teenager and the big light bulb comes on. I'll be doing what my dad did. (neener neener neeeeener.... ha ha ha haaaaaaa ha)

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Kayla's sick already, and now I've got 'it'. Another groovy part of parenthood. The truancy laws are so strict here you practically have to send your sick kids to school or you start getting letters, etc. The end result is more sick kids at school, meaning your kids get sick more often, teachers get sick more often, and mom and dad get sick more often. Kayla's been in school a whole week and we're already both with colds. The difference - when you're older and you get a cold you feel like you're gonna die. I feel like a truck hit me and I'm grouchy and I need to be under covers. Where am I?? At work, so I can spread my joy. heh.

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Aileen I think your mom wants grandkids solely for the sake of The Curse. The Curse works, its potent, and the results are usually twice what you think they'll be. It usually goes like this: "I hope when you have children, you have one that's just like you!" Except you usually have kids who are not even remotely close to you - they're worse. Far worse. They'll take what you did, ie ditching school, partying, listening to bad music... and take it to a level you never thought possible.

She has evil intent, trust me. She wants your big light bulb to come on. She wants you to suffer through all that same torment. Her biggest joy is that with grandkids she can have fun with them and spoil them rotten and then when she gets sick of them she can send them back, stinky diapers, attitudes and all.

Its all revenge, I swear. Stay strong. She's just upset because you've found an out. If/when you do have kids, you will have onejust like you, but worse. Its a proven fact, and just like me with my kids, she's wanting to go HA! I told you so!

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This turned into way more of a rant than I intended, really. It's the Dayquil, I'm sure. (That's my story and I'm sticking to it.)

Protocol for Parents of Teenagers

2004-08-24T10:01:00.000-07:00

Growing up for me, especially during my teenage years, was one long embarassing situation. I totally understand that. My dad was the definition of a nerd. He's 6'2 and huge, but he always had the glasses with the tape in high school. He's an engineer now. He actually wears pocket protectors. I'm not kidding - he actually had one on his list for christmas one year. All during high school, on the weekends he'd wear too-short gym shorts, either red or green, a too-tight t-shirt, and knee socks to match that came up to his knees. Coupled with bed head and those huge glasses it was just humiliating. Sometimes my stepmom would come and pick me up in her bright red bathrobe and bottle-bottom glasses. Sometimes my dad would be blasting opera music when he picked me up. I completely understand wanting to crawl under the closest rock and die because your parental unit is such a dork.

Having now raised or been around at least four teenagers now, I think I'm getting the hang of it. Of course, as many of you know, if you're a parent of a teenager it is your job - your devine right - to embarass them at will. Its hilarious, and fun as heck. However, if you're feeling kind on any given day, there is a protocol to follow when you enter their world. Here's just one set of rules for the following situation:

Dropping off and/or picking up your teenager at school/the mall/a friends/the corner:

1. Look your best. Have your hair brushed, wear appropriate, acceptable clothing (to be determined by the teenager), and have make up applied if applicable. Glasses are not to be worn, period.

2. Do NOT have any music playing. Even if it was a cool, acceptable song yesterday, it may not be today. Acceptability may vary by hour or minute, so the safer route is not to have your radio or CD player on at all. This is applicable even if the CD belongs to the teenager. Just turn it off.

3. Do NOT make eye contact with anyone. Do not make any gestures, friendly or otherwise. If one of their kind chooses to grace you with conversation or dialogue, use only yes or no answers, or keep it as short as possible. NEVER reveal any personal information or opinion. Ever.

4. Pull up into an acceptable drop off/pick up location (acceptability once again determined by said teenager) and park. Do NOT draw attention to yourself. If you find it necessary to wait for any reason do not do anything to occupy your time. Don't read - that's nerdy. Don't fix your makeup - that's embarassing. Don't sleep - they could just die of embarassment. Don't look at anyone (see #3, above). Don't eat - you'll look like a pig. Don't clean - you'll get a "jeez mom". Sit there, be very still, and read the numbers on your spedometer.

5. Do not express affection of any kind. Do not say I love you, or I'll miss you, or get the heck out. Do not touch your teenager for any reason. For the love of all things living, please do not ever say 'make good choices!!!' (one of my personal favorites...heh heh heh). The consequences could be fatal. When they approach the vehicle, do not make any inappropriate gestures or say a word. Occasionally, "hi" may be acceptable.

6. If, for some reason, it is necessary to get out of the vehicle and go into the school/mall/friends house/etc to approach the teenager, stricter protocol is in order. Carry yourself in such a way that no attention will be drawn to you. If possible, get your teenager's attention from a distance WITHOUT drawing attention to yourself. If that proves impossible, approach your teen quietly, professionally and swiftly. A tap on the shoulder followed by a speedy retreat should do. Do not attempt to walk with your teen. Three steps forward or three steps back is always the rule. Remember above rules about eye contact, gestures, and bodily contact.

I have made the following mistakes:

Dropped a teenager off in an unacceptable vehicle. It was a 1973 Dodge Dart that was rusting and had miscellaneous replacement parts, like fenders. It was at least five different colors. Thereafter, the drop off/pick up point was approximately half a mile from the school. (HEY it ran and had a/c. People parked far away from me. It worked at the time and was much better than the 1970 Datsun Honeybee I drove my freshman year.)

Had music playing loudly. Once, on purpose, it was Elvis. Ok...maybe more than once. Usually its music she listens to. Still not acceptable.

Read a book/magazine while waiting. (GASP!)

Filed my nails and/or applied lipstick while waiting. (DOUBLE GASP!)

Used an armorall and/or windex wipe to clean while waiting. (EEK!)

Waved or honked at someone I knew while waiting (EWMUHGAWD).

Went in to fetch her or waved or honked to get her attention. (She almost passed out)

On quite a few occasions male versions of the teenager species will run up to me and hug me (I've known these kids since they were 5). That will earn you an eye roll, an 'ewmuhgawd', and mad dogs (dirty looks). Its ALWAYS your fault in these situations. Just accept it.

Consider this a PSA. Its taken me a few years to get this all figured out, and I'm passing the knowledge and wisdom on. They usually grow out of this by the time they're juniors or seniors in high school, but it could take up to five years after that, depending on the individual. Olivia hooks arms with me now, and actually wants me to go to school things with her. Kayla's still at the cool age where she'll not only want me to play Elvis, but she'll do the lip curl with me while we sing to it. She holds my hand on the way in to school. I love that age. ANYWAY....

Coming attractions: proper phone call answering etiquette, family outing protocol, and providing transportation for multiple teenagers.

(...they're gonna kill me. heh.)

More Political Junk

2004-08-27T13:28:00.000-07:00

I found this guy's journal on the top five list and its awesome. That's where I got the cartoon. http://journals.aol.com/eazyguy62/AmericanCrossroads

If you're incredibly bored at work like me, you should check it out. I just love that guy. There's a very powerful letter in today's entry that I sent to my republican friends, although they probably won't read it.

More snips from an entry about lies from Bush:

Bush Quote: 6/1/2004

"I haven't had any extensive conversations with [Chalabi]...I don't remember anybody walking into my office saying, Chalabi says this is the way it's going to be in Iraq." [Source: White House Web site]

FACT: "Right here in the Oval Office I sat down with Mr. Pachachi and Chalabi and al-Hakim, people from different parts of the country that have made the firm commitment." - President Bush, Meet the Press, 2/13/04

Bush Quote: 1/29/2002

"Our budget will run a deficit that will be small and short term….” [Source: White House Web site]

FACT: "The federal deficit will hit a record $477 billion this year and get worse if lawmakers cut taxes or increase spending, the Congressional Budget Office projected Monday." - CNN, 1/26/04

"The idea that this is manageable or that we are going to grow our way out of the problem is just flat false." - U.S. Comptroller General David Walker, LA Times, 10/7/03

"The U.S. government's budget deficit came under fire on Wednesday from two global institutions (OECD and the IMF) saying a plan to halve the record gap by 2009 may not be enough to stop long-term damage to the world economy." - Reuters, 4/14/04

Bush Quote: 1/29/2002

“When America works, America prospers, so my economic security plan can be summed up in one word: Jobs.” [Source: White House Web site]

FACT: The economy has lost 2.2 million payroll jobs since January 2001, giving Bush the worst job creation record of any president since Herbert Hoover. Currently, "job growth remains well below par." - AP, 2/11/04; NY Times, 2/22/04

Bush Quote: 1/29/2002

“We’ll increase funding to help states and communities train and equip our heroic police and firefighters….” [Source: White House Web site]

FACT: "With deficit-stricken states unable to assist municipalities with homeland defense, many large police and fire departments say they have been forced to postpone the purchase of protective suits, biochemical detectors and communications equipment that would be used to respond to a terrorist attack. And a recent National League of Cities survey of 322 cities finds that 25 percent are cutting the ranks of their police forces or plan to shortly for economic reasons." - AFL-CIO Report

"President Bush's new budget would cut by one-third the money that thousands of fire departments rely on to keep their communities safe. The nation's firefighters are outraged by the White House plan, which would take $250 million away from grants that help rural agencies buy firetrucks, protective clothing, breathing apparatus, water tanks and other equipment." - Copley News Service, 2/6/04

"The International Association of Fire Fighters and Congress wanted more federal funding for firefighters [after 9/11], which the administration opposed." - The Hill, 3/11/04

Bush Quote: 1/29/2000

“The president of the United States must jawbone OPEC members to lower the price.” [Source: CNN Web site]

FACT: "After a visit with a Saudi envoy, the White House indicated that 'President Bush will not personally lobby oil cartel leaders to change their minds” about cutting oil production.'" - Knight Ridder, 4/1/04

Ya know its strange - I've never felt as strongly about an election before. I honestly feel like this is the most important one we've had in a very very long time. I wonder why that is? I didn't feel this strongly about his dad in office, I just thought Clinton would be a better President, and he was. This one I feel will make or break America for the next four years. It really scares me to think what would happen if this guy were re-elected....

My two cents for the day - have a wonderful Friday everyone!!

BLAH!

2004-08-26T08:59:00.000-07:00

www.tonycolter.com/ photo_archive/2003_08.html

That's where I found that pic. His stuff is pretty cool, actually - if you have time check it out. I can tell he's a nerd, and you know about my fondness of nerds.

I'm on Dayquil again. Its interesting how it can get you completely stoned, and that's somehow better than the symptoms. I just flipped off a coworker (as a joke) and that's something I'd never do sober. Anyway so I took two last night before bed thinking if they got me this stoned I'd sleep well. NOT. Tylenol PM does the same thing to me. I get in this quasi-sleep state where I think I'm probably asleep but I hear every single noise.

I have auditing homework that doesn't make sense, and I think its because of the Dayquil. That's my story and I'm sticking to it anyway. I've read this freakin chapter I don't know how many times and I'm going insane.

Loopy. That's me.

Grouchiness

2004-08-31T09:25:00.000-07:00

Women, girls, females. Why are we so difficult and weird?

Admit it. We're catty. We're not truly satisfied unless we have something to bitch about. We gossip. The only thing consistent about our behavior is that we change our minds so often there is no way an ordinary man can keep up. Why is that?

Catty example: I honestly can't work with other women for the most part. We're catty. We do not so nice stuff on purpose. I just realized I've been such a brat lately. There's a superintendent here who claims he's Mister $10M project with decades of experience and a college education, but he can't program his new cell phone or collect his voicemail messages. So I left him VERY detailed instructions. He still didn't do it. My boss comes in a little while ago and hands me said cell phone and says "fix it". I said "what, is he retarded?!?" Thank god Dan thought that was funny. It was mean!! So I sat there and emptied his mailbox, changed the greeting, and maxed the volume. MY voice says 'You have reached Bob So&So at (company name), please leave him a message'. I swear I'm mean. One of the voicemails I deleted was Mr. Superintendent trying to make a greeting for himself. Maybe he's just technology-challenged.

Never satisfied example: Our temperature. Think about it. We're never comfortable - always too hot or too cold. We always "need" new clothes. There are naked people in some third world country - I read an article where one group of women in a camp in Afganistan share one dress. They rotate daily. We whine about an outdated wardrobe or last season's shoes. I gripe about the cost of prescriptions and my boss' choice of medical insurance - at least I can treat my asthma, right? (and my insurance is paid for 100% so I need to shut the heck up)

Why do we do that? HOLD UP: Let's just not blame it on hormones ok, because that excuse is really tired and old. Why can't we just be comfortable and happy? Why do we need to be catty and gossip and never satisfied?

This is gonna get me a barrage of hate mail but I actually feel sorry for men. Just look at Joe Male one day - he has to keep up this facade of bravo and machismo, dress a certain way, walk a certain way, carry himself a certain way. He has to be the one out there changing a tire in the pouring rain because we expect it. He can't be honest and tell people how sick he really feels or how much pain he's really in because then he'd be a wimp. He has to constantly second guess himself and his actions, not only around other males but around us too. He has to put up with our crap 24/7 - hormones, emotional states, too hot/too cold/too stuffy/too whatever, cattiness, dissatisfaction with everything and STILL open doors, scoot chairs, change tires and take out the trash for us. He's completely driven and controlled by an organ and/or hormones that are constantly in need of something. Who's the weaker sex now? Why can't we be a little nicer, a little more grateful, and a little less emotional and demanding? Why can't we be a little more understanding?

Keep in mind I'm talking about Joe Male here - not Mister Whitetrash who calls women "chicks" or "broads" and treats everyone like crap because he thinks he can. Think huge truck, belt buckle bigger than his head, tiny feet.

Just a thought - something I need to work on. I'm gonna watch my catty level for a little while. I don't wanna be mean anymore. Bless their hearts, they do put up with a lot.

I'll be practicing random acts of sweetness all day long. Or at least for the next few hours. Or until they do something stupid....

NO I'm really gonna try for a little bit.

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CYA: The above piece is called "Talk to the Hand" by Thomas Blackshear and can be purchased at http://www.imagesofaculture.net/index/ArtGallery/viewPiece/1325605.